Feeling angry with partner

I have been getting more and more angry with my bf recently. He is always so negative and critical, and I am at the point where I just want him to say one nice thing!

Last night, when he got home from his first day of being back at work, I congratulated him and did a little happy dance and asked him how the day was. He told me (bad, people wanting things from him, traffic), and I told him it was to be expected, after missing work for several weeks.

He said "what did you do", and I said I was now an employee of the local school district as I had done the paperwork and the fingerprinting (accepted as a substitute). He said, "No, you're not, you haven't done any work" and went to change his clothes.

When I went to interview a week ago, he said "You shouldn't have worn that. I don't think you are serious about finding work."

Not ONCE has he said something nice about this. I have been working with a workforce counselor about maybe opening a private business coaching business people. I haven't told him about this, because I am so tired of being poked at, and deflated. I am tired of being made to feel worse about myself, rather than better.

I am trying hard to find some work, work that I both like and is appropriate to my training and education.

That's what my soon to be ex did. So negative all the time. Telling me I'm never going to heal from surgery or asking why bother looking for work when I can't do anything. It's very hard on you.

I don't know what advice I can offer so instead I'll offer a good listening ear. Sometimes ranting helps. If he knows how he is and won't make a change then it's all in your hands. I understand that 13 years is awfully hard to just give up on. Just try to not take it personally.

Honestly, Karen, I think he isn't jealous of my moving forward, and really doesn't see my attempts to cheer him up (let's go hiking! Why don't you go biking? Hey, let's use that groupon coupon and go to the Spy Museum! It's not your fault, so be patient). Instead, anxiety and some OCD (I think, never diagnosed, as far as I know) have him locked in his head, and highly critical of other people's actions.

I haven't been as patient and loving as I ought to be, either. I was/am depressed, and he insisted I get counseling. I did and have. It is not easy to live with and love someone who is fighting a battle with the world. I am trying to make changes for myself and for him and for our life. I have made the request of him several times (both recently and in the past), to go and get some help with his anger/anxiety but he doesn't move on this.

And, I used to be just convinced it was anger issues, but now I think it is anxiety as well.

He wants to be involved with my life choices, but doesn't give out positive reinforcement. He gets angry when I tell him whats going on, and angry when I don't. I would really like to be honest with him, and get some help from him. But, as I said before, if he's not helping, if he isn't working to move me forward, he doesn't get to be a part of the discussion.

For instance, I went to a two day seminar on job hunting, came back and did a resume draft. He wanted to see it, told me how and it was, and told me he would proof it. Still waiting for the proof.... Same with a federal resume. I did a seminar on fed job hunting, did several drafts, each one he has criticized, and each one he received electronically have been ignored. He did buy a federal resume book for me, and I used it. It is as if he wants me to fail, or expects me to fail. This is at least my perception, and it may be partially askew by my own anxiety and depression.

AV, I think I need to plan a relationship talk. I generally wait until we both have time off together, which will mean Sunday. It's necessary, because this is just making me miserable.

I think, after 13 years of him being negative, a relationship talk may need to happen. My spouse was exactly the same way. Nothing I did was right despite how supportive and caring I tried to be. Some people get this self destructive voice in their head. I don't know why but that's what I decided was going on.

It definitely brings you down when you have depression and your loved ones are so critical. It makes things worse.