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Am I the only one that lives a "fake Life"?

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Posted 12/10/2013 12:02 AM (GMT 0)
Hi All,

I could not sleep once again...and I figured that since I have no-one to talk to (like REALLY talk to), I might as well search for a forum/chat type website regarding depression and see what I stumble on...Whalla! I registered and is now typing a message to strangers?  I would never have thought this in a million years, but anyway, let me give this a try, there is a fist time for everything in life I guess.......

I am almost 40! I am married and have two lovely children.   My husband is a good man, but he WILL NEVER and HAS NEVER tried to understand me, we share an "above average" good life together, but unfortunately he is not my sole mate. (If my husband has to read this "post" he would probably think I am ungrateful and crazy.) I have some friends, but for whatever numerous reasons, have no REAL and TRUE friends.  I lead a simple life and is 100% committed to living my life to a famous world known "expectation" : to be a good wife, good mother, good daughter, good sister and a good employee (I work with my husband).  There are people who like me and there are people who dislike me, but there is not one single person "close" to me : there is no-one that knows my desires, my frustrations, my needs, my regrets, my fears, my hopes, my hates, my loves, my strengths, my weakness and..... my big SECRET!

To date, no-one knows that I am secretly and most frequently suffering some sort of, depression, I guess.  I am not on medication, but some-times I think I should be on medication.  My biggest concern is always - if I have to see a doctor or psychiatrist or councillor, people will find out and know my secret!

Tonight, once again, I toss and turn in my bed to worry about how much longer I can pretend?  How many years will I still be able to carry on with this fake life?  How long before I loose almost all my self respect and self control?  People think it is the good life I live that has caused my drastic weight gain in the last couple of years, but in actual fact, my self respect is fading away with each kg I gain! 

So what to do once again when I feel this sad and lonely?

I guess, to do what I do best...... , just carry on regardless,  with my fake life????? blush

Posted 12/10/2013 12:53 AM (GMT 0)
I suggest you see a doctor also. Tell them honestly what is going on and see if they can help you. You are choosing to keep this a secret, possibly because you think being depressed means your crazy or that it makes you weak. But it is just a chemical imbalance, unless it is situational. Which is something you may want to explore with a counselor.

I hope that you take measures to get better. With depression we have to work on getting better. Put yourself first for awhile and see where it takes you.

I hope that you feel better soon. Depression is no fun... I know...

Take care and do keep posting, it does help to get things out.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 12/10/2013 10:11 PM (GMT 0)
after seeing a doctor and getting things on track with your depression.
perhaps you can look at ways to open communication with your husband.
Sometimes when we are depressed we do not want to show anything we are feeling and this isolates us.

something to think about.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

Know you are not alone and can post here anytime. we are here to listen and support

Peace
Trina
Posted 12/11/2013 2:11 AM (GMT 0)
Do I tell anyone I see someone or that I take anti-depression meds?

No, I do not. For a long while I didn't even let my medical insurance know. It really isn't anyone's business unless you want it to be. When I travel or see family or whatever, I take my "vitamins"...count out multi-vits, vit-d, and anti-d and when not in a bottle no one should be inspecting them or know what they are.

Fortunately I live in a large city and have always been able to be mostly anonymous -- it must really suck for those in small communities who prefer to be private about these kinds of issues.

Take care, and find help, even if it's just to keep talking here. We can be your best friends! I've meet some of mine here.
Posted 12/11/2013 3:54 AM (GMT 0)
I think most of us live fake lives at some point. I know I put on my happy face when I'm around others. I'm a very private person in real life. I tend to hold to the notion that my emotions are for expressing only when I'm alone.

Admitting you have depression makes you stronger. It's hard to do it. Depression speaks in our heads, telling us that we aren't normal. The bravest thing you can do is seek assistance or watch Grease 2. That movie is so bad, I think it gave me brain damage.
Posted 12/11/2013 11:59 AM (GMT 0)
Lynnwood, thanks for sharing. That isn't easy for everybody. It is nice when a person knows that they are not alone and that they have something in common with somebody else... We all appreciate your sharing...

AV, I think you are right on. At one point or another, we all go through this. Not wanting others to know. And it is none of their business anyway.

Whether you tell others or not, it is up to you. But it is nothing to be ashamed of.

Peace be with you all...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 12/14/2013 6:01 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you so much to all who responded, I did not think anyone would respond! Your comments and your kind words have given me inspiration....and lots of it! Reading other blogs and posts also makes me feel not so "alone" anymore. Like Karen said : It is nice when a person knows that they are not alone and that they have something in common with somebody else..." This is a great website and I will most certainly visit it regularly! I am waiting for the festive/holiday season to pass, and then in January I will go and see my GP to see if I can some-how control this depression a bit better!
Posted 12/14/2013 11:41 AM (GMT 0)
I hope you have a joyous holiday this year. Thanks for posting back.

Hugs, Karen...
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