New here - Can you help pls? WHY am I feeling like this?

Hi All

I have previously posted in the Anxiety forum, but I am really confused about WHAT I am suffering with.  Are anxiety and depression linked?

Can anyone familiarise with how I am feeling? Its like this:

Some days I feel fine.

Some days I feel like I should just end my life as I am noi use to anyone, have no energy, have no thirst for life, feel that life is wated on me and I am not wirthy of it, feel unloved and unwanted - nothing but a burden.

Other days I am sonewhere in between, not happy, but no on the brink either, just purely existing. But feeling ok.

I would say that its about a cycle, for example.  Maybe I have a couple of each days each week.  I never know what day it will be tomorrow and I have no control over it.

On my worst days I get so low. I cry all day and my thoughts are SO deep......do you know what I mean by that?  Its like I sit and think so deeply that everything looks black and my stomache drops out.  Like Im so hollow and worthless.  Its actually a physical pain.

How can I have such awful days, and other days that are fine?

I also suffer anxiety type pains, with days that I am shakey, fuzzy headed, and really nervous inside.  Like I have fizz in my tummy and im going to explode.

Can anyone sympathise?  Do you know what I am feeling?  Please post some replies for me to read.  I am really low and worrying that things w2ill always be like this.  I am only 29 and dont want to feel like this.  I want to be happy and enjoy my life.

Vikki xxxxx

 

Really?  Is what I am feeling typical?

I have been to the Dr.  First time he gave me Cipralex, which erupted in a MASSIVE panic attack and made me want to kill myself!  I swiftly stopped those! Dr siad they didnt agree with me.

I also have been given diazapam, and they help by taking one on my worst days, but it doesnt help with my day to day life.  I really need to get help.

thanks for your replies rosie.

i must admit, i am scared of pills now.  that one I took really freaked me out and i thought i was going to kill myself cos it gave me suicidal thoughts.  it was awful.  im scared to try others now.

it was called cipralex and i tink it was an SSRI?  (was it? how can I find out?)

are there other types of meds that could help me, that are not in the same group?

i have taken the diazapam, and they do help.  are these in a different family?  these seem to agree with me more....xxx

Hi Vicki,
I do know how you feel. I too suffer from a mix of symptoms. I'm 46 and have only just begun to address my depression, social anxiety, and other conditions. What I've noticed is that now that I,m actively dealing with my feelings, rather than stuffing them, I feel them more intensely.
So at least know that you are not alone. Do your best on a day to day basis. The past is gone, try to forget it. The future doesn't exist, try not to worry about it. Live in the here and now as much as you can. Another thing I've found really helpfull is journaling.
Oh, by the way, please forgive my style of communicating, I certainly don't mean to try to tell you what to do. I simply want to validate your feelings and offer some insight. I wish you well.

Post Edited (IMstrong) : 7/29/2005 9:36:19 AM (GMT-6)

hi vikki and welcome to the site. i'm new to treatment for depression and anxiety not necessarily new to depression and anxiety itself. i've battled that off and on for several years. I'm in the very beginnings of treatment and I'm currently taking zoloft which for some works great but I don't think its working for me at all. I was taking 50mg and my doctor upped it to 100mg and i can tell its not helping. you've come to a good place though. i'm still getting to know some of the people on here but most seem nice. we all want the same thing to enjoy a better quality of life. When I found this place I was at a really low down time to the point I wanted to give up and I basically had. I was having suicidal thoughts and scared for myself and for my family cause I had hit that point several times in the past and that's when I decided enough was enough something wasn't right. I nearly didn't call my counselor the first time but I'm so glad I did. I've only had a few visits but I can tell once i find the right medication for myself that the counseling is going to do a lot of good. Its something I've need for a long time and have been running away from it thinking I can do it on my own but their comes a time when you have to get help. I hate asking for help but I was ready to change. I can't seem much progress as of yet since its all new but I think in the next couple of months things are going to get better. They have to, god wouldn't want us to feel like we do for the rest of our lives. I suggest calling a counselor and start with that. Its your decision though and when your ready.