Hugs to GizzyandMe

Now about the serious family business ....

   It apparently is going the direction I feared. I have a little family left.

   A Mother who's into advanced stages of dementia ... and with no brothers or sisters, all of Mom's responsibilities have been on me for the past 4-years or more. Many have been on me for the past 18-years since my father died.

   She has been in an Assisted Living Home for Dementia and Parkinsins for 15-months now ... good care but expensive! But after selling her home several months ago, she now has enough to keep her in that home for close to another three years.

   She has not been any kind of moral support for me at all - while I've been going thru my advanced cancer. But then, she never was in the past.

   I have an older daughter whose relationship with me has been going downhill strong for the past 18-months. She has not talked to my Mother or her Grandmother for 16-years now ... a long story that is partly the fault of both.

   But, 18-months ago, when I was last in the hospital for a long stay ... my oldest daughter shut down - as far as communicating with me. Her husband even blamed me for somehow creating my own cancer - that blocked my kidneys - that caused the kidney failure. And he was upset with me because it was bothering my daughter - even though she never would say anything to me about it.

   I have felt her drifting away from me ever since then. In the past 5-months, I decided to see if she would call me - and not call her like I had for years - every two or three weeks. She never did call me or e-mail me to find out how my cancer treatments were doing - or how I was doing.

   So two weeks ago i wrote her a well-thought out email ... letting her know how terrible I feel that we've drifted apart. Than I added by asking her if she had any suggestions of what we can do to get back to where we were once before.

   I received an email the next day ... a short one and a very defensive one that gave no suggestions at all - just complaints like she can't afford to call me (from 38-miles away) and she's busy.

   I sent her a short email the next day that was not at all nasty - but tried to clarify a few things that I had written two days before.

   I have not heard from her since. No Christmas card this year. No invitation to come over fore Christmas. And since both of my Grandaughters are her daughters .... I guess I'm banned from seeing them as well.

   I'm really familiar with this kind of reaction ... since that's exactly what my former wife did all the time .... stop communications!!! Never talk about anything!!!! So, I am certain this does not apply just to this Christmas. It is until further notice.

   So ..... I'm losing a daughter and two grandaughters I love + one ****** son-in-law!!! No biggy there!!! This is what's had me in a dark place for close to two weeks - expecting this would happen ... and it has! Communications have stopped - period!

   On the brighter side, my youngest daughter also got a copy of the letter I sent to her sister ... because a very small part of it also affected her. I simply told them both I feel so isolated when I don't hear from one of them and only occassionally hear from the other. I have no other family.

   Two days later, I got a wonderful letter from my youngest daughter. It was very long, very well thought out - and she told me just how she felt about a number of things. It was a great letter ... just the kind that any parent would love to get from their adult child who's been on there own for a number of years.

   She made the point that she wants to and will call me every week ... and would like to see me every month or two - along with her serious BF. And she said those magic words that all parents want to here that "she doesn't want to be without her Dad"!

   She realized what I had said about feeling isolated ... she understands and truly feels bad about it.

   She also is going to be relocating about 1000-miles away with a job promotion by next May or June ... so I am sad about that - but I understand her needs. She is a working professional - loves her work and she's good at it. I would be surprised if she ever started a family - but that's totally her business.

   The bottom line ...... my personal support system has been almost non-existant regarding a family ... and I have no spouse - and don't expect to ever have another. My dear Gizmo I hope will be OK with his current kidney problems .... because just his daily presence helps me tremendously.

   For those of you with grandchildren, I am sure you would be devastated with the loss of them. The loss of an adult child is bad enough. And for those of you with terminal illnesses, you know how important some kind of support sytem is for survival.

   Now that I know what I have already lost or may lose in the near future for some sort of support and caring, I know better now what voids I need to fill. I can live with my youngest daughter being 1000-miles away. As long as Gizmo is going to be OK, I'm good there. And frankly, I won't miss my SIL!!!!! The rest is an adjustment that needs to be made and accepted by me.

   My *****in' is done. Thank you for all those who have cared on HW. I do expect to re-start the Daily thread tomorrow - but probably will not have Gizzy riding for a while.

Peace and wellness.

Rob & Gizzy

 

Dear Rob,

I am so sorry for all the pain and hurt you are going thru right now. I'm so glad you got the response from Amber that you were hoping for, but so sad about your older daughter's reaction. As far as your SIL, what a putz! To make the comments he did, just shows he is an ass. It's just a shame that you won't be able to see the grandchildren. A family fight kept me from seeing my grandparents for more than a decade. The relationship was never the same.

I haven't been on the past cpl of days, so I missed about Gizzy being sick. I think we all feel like we know him, and love him. My prayers are w/ you and your furry best friend. If he can stand the touch, scratch behind his ears for me, pls.

Sometimes, we think our birth family and later our children will always be in our lives, and it isn't always that way. And it hurts like a Son of a Gun. And you have to accept it, like it or not. I don't mean that in a brusque way to you, I guess I mean it more to my own act of acceptance.

I wish you a Merry Christmas w/ Gizzy feeling much better and both of you having a much better and very healthy New Year.

God bless. Alice.

   All things considered, it was a good Christmas. Hope yours was too.

   Gizmo is still not eating. He is drinking plenty of water though. For the first time in days, he wanted to and did go out this morning ... for a healthy pee ..... yay!!!

   And when my daughter came over 30-minutes later, he did come to greet her when she called him from the back door.

   And when getting home this afternoon, he met me at the back (garage) door ..... again - a good sign!

   My vet called me this morning to check on Giz ... and asked me to call him this afternoon since Gizmo is still not eating.

   I'm about to try sprinkling some Parmesan cheese on a small portion of his special canned dog food after heating it - like the vet suggested .... then try making some scrambled eggs for him - desperately needs protein right now.

Peace and wellness

Rob & Gizzy

 

First of all .... I would like to thank you for all of your thoughts!

Thanks ..... Myself, Karen, Happy Turtle, Happy Bean, AV, UA, Carl, Michele, JB1 and Alice.

   My Christmas with my daughter Amber was short but as nice as it could be. When she left my house, she was on her way over to see her Mother - who she has not seen for three years ... and that wasn't due to Amber. I hope all goes well there. She loves her Mother - and they need time together too.

   Last Sunday, Amber and her BF were supposed to be over so i could take then out for dinner for Christmas .... but Amber was sick, so it was postponed until this Saturday night. Looking forward to that Tappas feast and that great Sangria - and of course, spending quality time with two terrific people.

   Gizmo is a little better ..... an i decided to give short daily reports on him in the Daily Thread - beginning today.

Thanks again everyone.

Rob & Gizzy

 

Hello .... just thught it was the right time for an update! It has been about two weeks since last writing on this thread.

   First, Gizmo is back to being Gizmo. I nearly lost him at Christmas with a kidney infection, meds and 5-days without eating that week. He is good now. He had a little play time with a Collie yesterday ... and weather allowing - we'll be going to the Samoyed Rescue Group next Sunday, so he'll see some of his old buddies there soon.

   Second, I did get together with my youngest daughter and her BF last Saturday for a long dinner out. I have to wonder if those two are going to get married or not!!! They are both moving to Austin, Texas by next June. My daughter got a big promotion with her current company who are starting a new branch in Texas that they want her to manage - an exciting time for her!

   Her BF, who I would like to have as a SIL is moving with her. He has a previous degree in art (working with his hands like sculpting). Then he found he couldn't make a living doing what he loves to do ... so he went back for a second degree - one in nursing! So ... about 18-months ago, he passed his tests for becoming an RN. He knew he could find a job with relative ease in that profession ... so he'll be looking in Austin, Texas before too long.

   I will miss my daughter so much ... but I can't stand in her way. She's a serious working girl .... dedicated, hard-working and talented in writing and editing - and she loves her life the way she is living it.

   And last ..... my other daughter is soooo stubborn and self-righteous. I did send Christmas cards to her and hubby - and to each of my grand-daughters ...... along with gift cards for the grandkids from Macy's for clothes and Amazon for the other stuff.

   I did not get a Christmas card from any of them - nor a call or e-mail. I guess, I've been divorced from my oldest daughter and her family.

   I am in the grieving process, the soul-searching mode and this is probably the next topic of discussion whenever I see my psychologist next.

   Summary ....... at least there were two positives!!!!

Thanks again - for all those who wrote in this thread.

Rob & Gizmo

 

THERE MAY BE SOME HOPE YET!

   Two days ago, i got a surprise card in the mail. I had sent both of my grandaughters Christmas cards + Gift cards for Christmas over three weeks ago.

   Well, I got a thank you card from both of them. I think the oldest (15-year old) wrote the note inside telling me what they did with the Macy's and Amazon gift cards. It does sound like they did appreciate them.

   I'm so glad their mother (my oldest daughter) did not keep them from doing that. All along, for years she has been very good in teaching her daughters to be polite - and I'm so thankful it's continuing with me.

   I will give my oldest daughter a telephone call fairly soon - and ask her if she just wants to talk! Hopefully she will!

   In the meantime, as of today, I am preparing for the passing of my mother - according to hospice - so there's lots to do this week. And next week there are 2-hospital and 2-doctors appointments scheduled so far for me.

   Rob & Gizmo

Karen ..... thanks .... and so glad you heard from your grandkids.

A slight mistake in my last post here - medical stuff is two weeks away.

But ......

IT IS SAID ........ HE WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAY:

   After Mom's passing late yesterday afternoon, I was on the phone with 4-people besides Hospice. The last call was to my oldest daughter Nicole.

   I did want to thank her - or give thanks to her daughters for sending me the thank you card from Christmas. I know my daughter must have seen my name on the caller ID before picking up the phone - and so glad that she did pick-up!

   I told her that I would like to sit down with her to talk - and she seemed very willing to do that. I just barely started to go thru the difficulties that were between her and Mom (her grandmother) when Nicole said that she was thinking about going to see her a couple of months ago - at the Assisted Living Home.

   That was about when i told her that Grandma had just passed away about 2-hours ago. Nicole told me she wanted to go to the short wake/service. I should find out today if the brief wake/service will be on Friday - which seems like the most realistic day.

   So, after I find out today - I'll call both daughters ... Amber so she knows when to takeoff of work - then Nicole so she can ask her husband to switch his weekday off - so he could watch the kids while Nicole goes to the wake/service.

   There is an authentic German restaurant fairly close - that was one of my mothers favorite restaurants. Whoever is at the wake/service toward the end at 1pm - will be invited over to the restaurant for a late lunch.

   My youngest daughter has been there a couple of times with Mom and myself over the years. My oldest daughter has never been there. The name of the restaurant is Edelweiss ... and the inside looks a little like it was taken from "The Sound of Music".

   It's sort of a happy place. The food is good. The bier is German. And they have herring that is outstanding as an appetizer. It's mixed with finely chopped apples, some greens - then served with homemade crackers with poppy seeds on top.

   It almost seems like with the passing of Mom ..... comes the bringing together of my oldest daughter and myself. Is that the blessing?

   One day at a time ..... and one positive always beats one negative!!!

Peace and wellness - to all.

Rob & Gizmo

 

As they say Rob, when one door closes another one opens. I am so happy that you and your daughter talked. This is truly bringing tears to my eyes. I know how much you have wanted this. I can't express enough how happy I am for you Rob!!!!!!!!!!

It is kind of strange to have somebody else up as early as me. Glad you are here...

Take it slow, one thing at a time. Again, I am super happy for you!!!

Love and hugs, Karen...

Rob:

I just want to pass on my condolences as well for your mother passing away.  I know this is a difficult time but you should find peace in the knowledge that you were a great son to her, providing her with everything she needed to stay comfortable and well cared for, for all these years.

And I am so happy to hear that your oldest daughter was willing to talk with you again and will be going with you to the services.  From everything you have written I know how much this means to you.

My prayers will be with you.

Cass

Rob,

I am so terribly sorry about your mother's passing. I am glad that she is at peace now. I know this has been a long road for you. You and your family are in my prayers.

You are a good man who has been given many heavy burdens. You have handled each w/ tremendous grace.

I wish you only the best.

God bless. Alice.

Rob,

Don't worry if you don't have good news always, it is still good to hear from you. I hope you and your oldest can work things out. I feel for you though, I know how this feels.

Know we are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen...

Good luck with calling your oldest daughter. I hope that you can have a good conversation. I know she has been distant. But you never know until you do it... It could go very well. Have high hopes for that, as I know you do...

I am glad that things are back to normal. I went through that with my first husband. He had breathing problems for years. And wouldn't go to the doctor. Then the lung cancer. So I grieved his health for years prior to his passing. And when he did pass, it was all good. I knew he was going to a better place.

So I do understand what you have been through. Watching your mother decline with health and her mind is a hard thing to do. And when they don't remember you, it even kind of hurts a little. Even though they can't help it. It did me anyway.

Take care Rob. Have a good evening.

Hugs, Karen...