How do you exist when you dont want to.

I was in a marriage for 10years..7 of which were devoid of any imtimac whatsoever.. I was scared to leave ..didn't want to upset my parents or lose the only sense of security I had..and he and I were "friends"... slept in different rooms but maintained a cordial relationship..I finally decided to get a divorce..I was not looking for a relationship or an extra marital affair..but I fell inlove with someone 2years ago...I even told my husband I had feelings for someone else n I think I loved him ..I was honest..I always tried to do the right thing...I ended up after so many years of being cellibate ..I entered into a relationship with this guy..Ri..and we were in love...we spent a lot of time together n he was amazing n treated me really amazing...we soon had little arguments n he wud always leave but he always came back n we sorted it out..but this one time that I said I was done..n I said it in anger n I told him I was hurt and upset and didn't mean it but now he"s left..n he was it for me..I'm completely and irrovacably inlove withhim...he's asked me to marry him before n I said yes ..we were planning a life a future..now there is nothing n the physical pain that is manifested..doesn't compare to the hurt inside my mind my heart. I want to b numb I want to not exist anymore

You must be happy and live for yourself not for other people. Others may add to your life, however you are your life and you have your own path and reason for being, you and you alone.

Once you are confident in yourself and happy with who your are, relationships will be much easier for you.

We have resource thread at the top of the forum. Please take some time to scroll through the 4 pages of suggesstions and coping skills, books and web sites.

I hope you are feeling better soon.
Peace
Trina