Posted 1/13/2014 4:41 PM (GMT 0)
Many of you have been following my battle in recent months. I sum up, below. Skip if you already know the particulars.
Depression, fibro, crohns, arthritis
Quit job at state university (professor) after four years, for many reasons, including general awfulness of school
relocated back to hometown, where BF has been living.
trying to find work. Currently substitute teaching
No money, just got insurance again after 4 months.
BF and I having issues, as usual during rough times.
I am taking a fairly high dose of effexor and am in counseling, which has helped reframe my thinking about myself, my goals, and my life.
BF finally made an appointment to see a psychiatrist, counselor. Finally. He has been saying for 6 months that he ought to. After our last serious fight, (before Christmas), I finally told him that while I was not blameless here, neither was he. I had been under the care of a psych. and seeing a therapist for two years, at that point. I have been paying lots of money while uninsured to ensure I got help. I was trying to reframe our relationship in a useful way. However, he needed to try, or else none of this will be for anything.
Well, he took the suggestion. In my observations, he is highly anxious and possibly OCD. He has difficulty managing stress, and while his intentions are great with interpersonal relationships, he often times gets angry quickly and seems unable to moderate his responses to get what he wants. He also is internet-addicted, to the point where he has difficulty getting off-line at times. For instance, was in a buddhist/meditation enthusiasm a few years ago, meditating every morning. I felt it really seemed to help his energy and his outlook, and encouraged it. It fell away. I ask him periodically if he plans to take it up again, as he seemed to really enjoy it. He says he should, but instead gets online.
He often will turn to self-help books as an attempt to make changes, but again does not always manage to implement the offerings he discovers. For instance, he is very interested in biking. He has set up a training area in the attic. He has all the stuff. He will read books on long-distance biking, effective training, biking for weight loss. But he seems to have difficulty making the time to actually do it. I encourage him, but... he has to be the one to do it.
He is a sweet and well-meaning guy, who is depressed and needs some guidance into how to rethink things so that he can more effectively deal with his stress and anger.
So, I am glad he finally is going to talk to someone. I know he is frustrated but needs to learn ways to effectively channel his depression.
I am so very proud of him for taking this step.
And, the fight before Christmas was our last serious go-round. We have been both trying to be better at communication.