I Would Love For Someone to Help Me Please

Hi there, I am brand new to this forum, but some posts re. Depression struck a bell with me. My wonderful partner and I have been together three years now and he has trouble with Strokes, his last in September that he never thought he would recover from and yet he was near recovered, I fear a setback has occurred which would devastate him. When he thought he would not recover, he had dark thoughts and looked to ways to end his life and I recommended for him to see a Psych about it, which he does every week now. We have been living a long distance relationship for a time now due to these health issues and he is desperate to come to me again. He has for a few weeks been a little reserved at times, not feeling so great about things he normally would and frustrated, normally he can let things pass without frustration, then he will be okay again and very loving as usual, then he was pushing me away and saying the problem is he loves me and that he needs to rest his mind. Early this week, I sent a msg to say I would only be an hour away and received a response message that was odd to me, it was his reply with no spaces between the words, so I rang and asked how he was, he started to say he was okay and quickly said no he wasn't, he said he decided to break off our relationship, would never ring me again, would not be coming to me and said he loved me and was in love with me and cried and said goodbye. I heard a bit of a thick tongue once in his words and it caught my attention and I wondered if he had a setback with his strokes that has once again set him into a tailspin. I soon found out he has broken contact with everyone close to him, I am unsure if this is the case with family, but close friends on Skype that I also know, all deleted, bar me. He DJs three times per week, which he loves, he didn't show up or send word he wasn't to, that is most unlike him. I hope I am doing the right thing, I am scared his thoughts are dark again and I send messages here and there, just to let him know I'm here and I love him and little general ones to tell him things of the day. I will give him time and live life day to day, hoping very soon he finds strength to come back. Can someone help please, this is a long term relationship and I love him dearly and know he loves me, am I doing the right thing and will he come to terms with it because usually he finds it hard to even spend a day without talking to me. I hope I am doing the right thing. Is this all signs of Depression, he is so stubborn in decisions, and this scares me if he is not clearly thinking. I am a little naive where Depression is concerned and would value some feedback.

Post Edited (Denycem66) : 2/7/2014 3:35:47 AM (GMT-7)

Hi there Karen,

Thank you for your post, I'm pleased for a little input because although I will learn more on both issues, I am not sure of how to handle them, I am very glad I am doing the right thing and giving him his time, and just little light messages here and there to let him know I'm here for him and to help him smile, just little things that happen throughout the day that he would enjoy to hear of.

I hope also, thank you so much for the reassurance, I greatly appreciate it and Good Morning to you, I hope you have a lovely day ahead.

Thank you and yes it is difficult and of course as I've said, I do not fully understand all he is going through, and I can't regardless because it is not my experience, mine is to support and give him his space that he needs while he is sorting through these issues. I will do all I can for him, he is a beautiful gentleman and to see him suffer is very hard, and I miss him, but I know he needs the space to heal.

Hugs and thanks to you for your words.

Hello to you Rob and Gizmo,

Thank you for posting, I am at a loss in this regard because I have seen him slowly seclude himself from time with friends, he is very close to his sister, unfortunately she does not understand English and is very hard of hearing, so communication is difficult in this regard.

Here is a possibility that you put forward, however what I know is three years ago he was cleared from oesophagas cancer and remains clear, more recently he has suffered two strokes in the past 18 months, the most recent last September, the last I spoke with him I picked up on a thick tongue on a couple of his words, it caught my attention and my gut feeling is that he has suffered a further setback in this regard causing his reaction of isolation. This would devastate him as he recently was informed that he was recovering very well, one side of his face drops a little when he is tired, his hand is now better and he has full use of this, but his leg was affected greatly, it would give away without warning and he has been walking with a limp, with regular physio sessions this was shown to be greatly improving and he was so happy and relieved. He found the effects of the stroke very difficult to handle emotionally, thinking he would not recover, this is when the dark thoughts set in.

What makes this harder for him is that he desperately wants to travel back to me, and has been working so hard to be able to, only to suffer such a setback, he does not want me to live the life of caring for him after the event of a serious stroke and yet I assure him that it is also my decision to make, so he is dealing with so many different issues/pressures, I think this is where him breaking up with me came into play and that he said he was not coming to me, my gut is telling me he has suffered again and he is pushing me and his close friends that I know away, he is hurting himself and others.

I will support him as I have said and give him time to heal and learn how to cope and develop strength with the issues he is facing.

Take care to you both and thank you again.

~waves~ Hello there,

Thank you ever so much for sharing and I am sorry to hear of the return of your cancer, indeed support is very necessary, however perhaps to isolate as a first reaction is a coping mechanism as you slowly come to acceptance of what is, it is so difficult for those that love the person and therefore feel a need and want to support, it is hard to be pushed away completely. You sound like you are really doing all you can for yourself to maintain that connection under difficult circumstances and I very much like to hear this, I feel it so important, the isolation that my partner is showing now is frightening for me to see because I can not reach him and I can only hope those dark thoughts stay at bay. At the moment he isn't responding to me, so I can only as I've said message little light messages to help him smile, but I will be sure to direct him gently as best I can to allow people to support him at this time.

Thank you again for taking the time to share your words with me.

Strength to you and never give up hope.