My girlfriend wants time to find herself- suffers from depression

Hello all, I stumbled on this website when trying to find help on what to do in my situation. Me and my currently ex girlfriend were best friends for a year. After that year, we decided to take our friendship to a more intimate level. Anyway, we have been dating for the last year and things could not have been better. about a month ago, I started feeling like she didn't love me. And I know it was because of her depression so I didn't question it too much. Her depression has really impacted her life. She used to go to therapy all the time but she stopped around 2 months ago. She's on anti-depressants but she says she feels like they aren't working for her.

Anyway back to my story, she randomly leaves me out of the blue! Leaving me heart broken. And I really don't know what to do. She says she isn't healthy, and she's ready to be depression and figure out herself. I have a lot of hard headed friends that are telling me she's given me the run-around. But I don't know what to do. I love the girl.

I want to give her time to find herself. And I'm being supportive. She still wants to be friends and we have remained in contact with eachother for the last few weeks. I'm just so confused. She said she won't be able to fix herself if she is always relying on me for her happiness. And that's why we can't be together.

Now I've known for two years about her depression, but I can say it's never been as bad as it is now. I just want some friendly advice or tips on what to do. People say keep busy and give her space. I just want the best chance of getting her back.

I also recommended her to talk to her therapist (she's going on the 19th) and see if she can take a different anti-depressant.


Thank you for hearing me out guys and any help will be appreciated.

Hello Unspoken,

First off Welcome to Healing Well.

I am sorry that you and your ex are going through this tough patch.

When someone is depressed and doesnt feel that their meds are working right it is hard for them to think clearly. Now that being said, it sounds like she is willing to get the help she needs to make herself better and that iis a good thing.

I know this is hard but everything you are doing now is what you need to be doing for her. You are giving her space and you have suggested the counseling and new meds.That is really all that you van do for her, the rest is up to her aat this point.

Be there for her bit dont push. I hope that things work out. Keep posting here we all care and are here to help

I read on a lot of other forums that she is trying to let me go as easily as possible. But she has a genuine heart and I think she's going thru a lot more than I can imagine.

What hurts is that it was out of nowhere. I feel it's the depression talking but of course I could be wrong.

Do you think I should cut all contact with her until she's ready? She said she would like to remain friends. I'm so lost.

Just a quick update. Things are getting better. We remained in contact. Almost back together. The only issue is she has trouble trying to change her feelings more positively. For example, she's in a bad mood and she doesn't know how to cheer herself up. And I don't want to assist her because this is something she needs to beat on her own.

Any tips for you guys to help me, pointers, anything. I would really appreciate it

Having a similar issue. Any advice is appreciated.

Met my gf 8 months ago. We fell in love, everything was great. She spends her summers in another country with her family. I have been under a tremendous amount of stress lately, having just taken the bar exam a month ago. She left in June and we planned on spending the month of august together overseas. I took my test and left to meet her. Traveled across the world. We spent a week together. She was so happy and appeared to be so in love. By the end of the week she was making comments about needing to find herself and me needing to get my life together. She has had a difficult life. The 7th day she says she needs to be alone to find herself and she can only be my friend. Broke my heart because I loved her so much. It was a shock. She said we had been fighting a lot. I know we didn't, but she convinced herself we did. I don't know why. She says she doesn't know why she feels that way and she is worried why she shut down emotionally. It's been 2 and 1/2 weeks. I have barely eaten, barely slept. Her parents are calling me telling me to keep fighting. She left the states when she was with me and had a completely different mindset. She was turning into a woman. I helped her with school, work, internship, trying to get her on the right path. She's 26. When she went overseas, she regressed back to thinking very childishly and carefree. That's how the kids are where she is from. To them, it's just another relationship. So after our week together, she tells me she wants to be friends and needs to find herself. A few days before that she was madly in love with me. Like a switch. It's been three weeks, she's been texting me telling me she's meditating and feeling great and I'm locked up in a house with no desire to do anything, just stare at the ceiling. I know sooner or later I'll get over it but I don't want to, I love her. I'm lost and so is she. She wasn't like this a month ago. She thought differently. I spoke to her today very nicely and told her I would keep fighting. That I loved her too much to give up and any problem could be worked on. We are both leaving back for the states in 3 days. We are on the same flight. She was adamant about remaining friends and she doesn't know what will happen. I feel maybe she got freaked out by how close we were getting or she was brainwashed by some of her friends overseas.

I would, I'm overseas still.

You said she was having a good time. If that is the case, she doesn't sound depressed. It looks like she basically wants to do what she says, and wants to find herself. That is a part of life. A lot of people at your age go through that. I am not saying she wont come back. But you need to take care of you now.

I thought she was, apparently she came looking to focus negatively. She wasn't like that before. In other words, when she left the states, she was in a different, more mature mindset. She spends a month here without me and she starts acting like the kids here do. By that I mean the whole not to give a crap attitude and screw anyone it affects. She hurt me, her parents, my family and she doesn't see it. Her parents are horrified, they think they pushed her too hard and she just shut down. Basically our problems which were so silly became huge in the month she was here. She began meditating every day and didn't care how hurt she made me. This was suppose to be our vacation. I flew across the world for her and dropped everything. If I had any idea she was feeling this way I would never have come.

I know part of the reason it hurts is because you invested a lot in goingn to see her. Take your separate time from her. Go out and enjoy youreself. Seriously. You guys are on vacation and she's going out and you aren't? Go out. Have fun. And I have this gut feeling things are gonna change when you get back to the states. Just when you do get back to the states, see how her mentality is. See if she changes back to how she was. But either way take some space from her for at least a week dude. Trust me, it'll pay off.

Thank you

Honestly, I'm asking myself, if she is capable of switching off like that then did she ever truly love me or was I a means to an end. I can't understand how you can be madly in love one minute and completely cold the next. I try to look at things logically but there doesn't seem to be any logical conclusion here.