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Posted 2/14/2014 3:36 AM (GMT 0)
i feel depressed a lot but i feel like so many other people have it worse than me so it is not right that i feel this way but i do. i feel stuck. do not know how to progress with my life/move forward from here.

i was arrested christmas night. charged with 2 felonies and 2 misdemeanors. withdrew from university and now living at home with my parents. afraid of what to do next. don't want it to be the wrong thing. doing what i can now, which does not feel like much. i feel like dying almost everyday.
Posted 2/14/2014 5:42 AM (GMT 0)
Hello and welcome,

I am sorry you are not feeling well. I do want to point out that just because some others have it harder doesnt mean that your problems are any less important than anyone else's.

Please call either 911 or any suicide hotline taking your life is never ever the answer.

Please keep posting here because we do care. Please seek help for yourself.
Posted 2/14/2014 9:51 AM (GMT 0)
Sounds like you have some consequences to face. That is never fun.

Do the best that you can. Keep trying. Hopefully things will progress fast and you will be back to normal. I wish you the best...

Hugs, Karen...

One day at a time is all we can do. Keep it simple...
Posted 2/14/2014 2:44 PM (GMT 0)
Hello there ....

   It sure sounds like it's time to put together a game plan. And in priorities!

   I hope you get a lot of help from your parents - and if so - please do work with them.

   Try to have patience during the process - and not get too defensive with any of the authority figures.

   In time, a counselor for your depression would be a good idea. In the meantime, best wishes to your current situation.

Rob & Gizmo

 

Posted 2/14/2014 3:23 PM (GMT 0)
Yep, time to start seeing a counselor and get help.

You made a few poor choices, but everyone does. The real test of adulthood is how you deal with the punches. Own your behavior and choices, and try to grow from the experience.
Posted 2/14/2014 3:52 PM (GMT 0)
i am grateful for the responses i have received. this is the first i have ever used an online forum.
so far, my game plan is to take it a day at a time..
currently, i am registered to take a psychology 101 class that is a pre-req for the required stats credit that goes toward my major/degree. i am taking the psy 101 class online. then i plan to take a required math class at a college close to home (starts in march).
hesitant to start seeing counselor cause i don't know of any good ones in the area (that i can trust on a professional level/is reasonable in price).


all i can say is that i think i'm doing the best i can day by day to make it through even though there are moments that i just want to die. i have two suicide attempts in my history. since my last one, i never act on my thoughts because i saw how it devastated my parents and i never want them to have to go through that again.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 2/14/2014 12:00:52 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 2/14/2014 4:10 PM (GMT 0)
So, you just want to continue to feel bad? Why the resistance to a counselor? Making the first step to say "I need help" is scary. So is reaching out to get it.

I used to tell my students that adulthood comes when you realize your problems are not unique to you and that growth is in how you handle them. You do realize that you are not the first person to be in this situation? Yes, it is bad, and you feel bad, but IT IS.

Sounds as if you have made good steps with school. It is a nice start.

But you need to deal with the reasons why you got in this situation to start with, and take responsibility for it. Not parents, or siblings, or police, or drug use. You.

Perhaps depression medication will help you think straight and have the concentration you need to get out of the hole. Yes, yes, yes, I know you want to stay away from medications. Medications used properly are good things. They can help. Used poorly, they are not.

I am not trying to be harsh on you. Congrats on turning your collegiate life around! But you need to make a different move with your emotional life, my friend. Like, what you've already done hasn't worked out so great.

Be well, and make the step.
Posted 2/14/2014 4:57 PM (GMT 0)
resistance to the counselor because my parents will have to pay for it and not entirely sure if the counselor will even help.

i understand that other people have been in my situation, if not worse, that's why i think it is not that bad.

i admit that it was stupid of me (a bad decision) to smoke while driving and that was my biggest mistake. so now i am waiting for the mail to come in. was told by the law offices that the mail for the 2 felonies are coming in soon. it is either i go to court or do the on-tasc program so that it will not be permanently on my record. so i am prepared to do the on-tasc program which entails drug screenings and whatever else (maybe classes).

not sure if medication will help me think straight and have concentration to get out of the hole. i have taken medication before (well-butrin, buproprion) and it made me feel anxious, had a hard time with appetite, also made my mouth dry. it seemed to harm me more than it helped me. i took the recommended dosage during the recommended times.

so to improve my emotional life things i have been doing is exercising (running/going to the gym), it makes me feel healthy and strong, as well as being consistent on my diet and eating when i can.
i drink a protein shake after working out and try to be consistent with eating at least 3 times a day.
i have to continue this if i want to get better, it's just hard when sometimes i feel like dying..

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 2/14/2014 12:03:21 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 2/14/2014 5:14 PM (GMT 0)
Hello,

The meds you were on may not have been at a good level or may not have been right for you. I know it is hard to keep trying different meds but in order to get better for most people meds and counseling is what is going to do it.

Now I would say to go to a doc and see what they think. Also keep posting here and getting things out of your head and that will also help.

Have a good day hun.
Posted 2/14/2014 5:43 PM (GMT 0)
Just a few added notes:

   It does sound like you have a game plan started. Good for you.

   Check on a psychologist - either thru school, or your school district or a local hospital - for a declining scale fee. You might be able to get a reduced fee for psychological counseling help. It may even be more valuable right now than medication. And of course, some meds won't do you any good. The med should be chosen by a professional - and that's normally beyond the scope of a primary doctor to chose.

   It sounds like your attitude is good .... a big positive!

   One other thing. First, congrats on moving forward with your education. BUT - check to see whether a course you intend on taking soon - is transferable to the school you'de like to eventually graduate from. Unfortunately - this is too often ignored by the educational system - and a person can end up taking the same course again because it wasn't approved by a school system.

   Keep moving forward.

Rob & Gizmo

 

Posted 2/14/2014 7:09 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Basespace,

I had to edit your posts because we can't discuss illegal drugs here. We can talk about them in a medical sense, but not in an abuse sense. If that makes any sense. I personally have nothing against it. I have an mm card. But I have to follow the rules. Maybe you weren't abusing, but just coping. Sorry...

I agree with the others. Counseling is really very helpful. It helps you bring your thoughts together, build your future and get through difficult times. Please do consider it.

I had the same problem with wellbutrin, I needed a high dose for depression and it made me nervous and I couldn't sleep. So I now take pristiq. I really like it. I have been on it for a few years and before that I was on effexor for 15 years.

I really hope that you can get a good mind set for what is coming ahead. Learn meditation for quiet times. It helps to relax you. It helps you to focus too.

Keep posting and know we all care.

Take care and have a good day...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 2/15/2014 12:57 AM (GMT 0)
basedspace, if your only resistance to a counselor is that your parents would have to pay for it, I would say it is worth talking to them anyway.

You have made some mistakes. We all have. You are not your mistakes. You are a person who is worthy of good things and your future does not have to be consumed by your past. Certainly your future path will be altered because of your past decisions, but the road hasn't ended so to speak.

I am glad to hear you are exercising and trying to make sure you eat. I am going through a difficult time myself right now and forcing myself to eat makes me feel better in a weird way. I know I have to remain physically strong to be able to regain mental strength. Protein shakes sound like they could be a good thing for me. Are you making your own or buying them? Any recommendations?

Take it one day at a time. When that seems to much, take it hour by hour. You can do this.
Posted 3/23/2014 6:29 PM (GMT 0)
hey everyone!

thank you so much for your feedback and advice! sorry it has been a while since i have posted on here, been busy with life. despite that, my parents have made it a sheer point to let me know that i am not doing enough to meet their expectations. i am honestly quite tired of having to live under my parents expectations of me in order for their support. so i am thinking of leaving home to live a life without a need for their financial support. i will always love them and they will always be my mom and dad, but i think it is time for me start taking responsibility for my own life and do what i think is right (not anyone else).

so i'm currently in the process of thinking of how to go about doing this. for now, i am doing the best i can living at home. the two classes that i am taking are transferable to the university. my next step would be to get a job so i can save every penny towards an independent future. i can't keep on relying on my parents for money honestly.

as far as meds and counseling go, i have been seeing an eastern medicine doctor and his treatment seems to be working on me. i would love to start seeing a counselor but it's hard since my parents are not supportive of that (it costs money). i was in touch with a university counselor who had recently closed my file but welcomed me to come back whenever i needed.

so here's kinda where i am at at the moment and what i think i should be doing..

oh and i start the on tasc drug program on monday. i feel quite confident that i will pass that.
so at least i won't have to worry about felonies being on my record. as for the duis (misdimeanors), unsure as to whether or not the government will trial me for that.

i appreciate any feedback from anyone, as this is one of the few amount of support i have now
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