Just gotta ramble

Hey Joanne,

Before I forget, did you do the gift giving on March 1st??? If so, how did it go???

I am sorry for what you are going through... I was just thinking... What if you wrote your father a letter and let him know how you feel about his drinking??? Does he get drunk all the time??? I sure hope not. But I am thinking he is because of the way that it is causing you to feel.

Know that we can't change people, but we can let them know how things make us feel. Let your father know that this is hurting you and making you feel uncomfortable. We don't like seeing that side of the people that we love. It feels like a weakness. It did to me when my family members drank. I often got insecure.

I hope that things get better for you. This is more than a ramble. This is an important subject. Let your mom know how you feel too. Your feelings are important...

Hugs, Karen...

PS Often other families aren't how they appear. We all have skeletons in our closets...

Thanks Karen and Carl.

Yeah, I'd love to actually confront the both of them that way, the way that you just described Carl but I've tried. I've talked to my mom and dad both personally when we're alone and yeah, it worked.. though it's only for a week or so and then he would be the same as before again. I feel like my brother had a better childhood then I am having now. He never needed to worry and get scared about things like this because he didn't even started drinking back then. I just don't know what went wrong and at times, I just feel like it's my fault. I'm just a fuss in the house anyway, so why not ?

He doesn't get drunk often.. just kind of high but not THAT bad as you described tho Karen. It's just that I hate it whenever he's high, he would talk about nonsense and it seems like he doesn't care whether I'm in the same room as he is. I get so insecure with it that I just want to take all the alcohol away from him you know ? I know that my family's currently under pressure right now but I just really don't like it when he's not coherent when my mom and I talk to him. It always ends up with my mom yelling and me just ignoring as much as possible with my headsets on blasting on music as loud as possible. I don't want them to be this way, Ever.

I always think of my dad's heart condition plus his addiction for drinking. I get so confused on what to do that I feel like banging my head on a door and just black out for a moment. It's like there's no way out and I'm trapped like a mouse in a cage. Sighhh.... If only I could just figure out something.. anything at all and that it'd fix this up, I'd be the happiest kid in the whole universe. Ever since I have this concern I've been getting major mood swings for no reason. One time I'm happy then the next I'm annoyed and mad.

Truthfully, all I want right now is reassurance. Just for somebody to say that it's all going to be alright while hugging me.. just keeping me safe for a moment. And no, I don't want a normal family.. by stable, I meant as far away from the troubles that could bite this family as possible. That's all I'm asking for.. why is it so hard ?

Joanne

That's great Carl, I'm happy for your well being (:

Joanne

Hey y'all,

Just wanna tell you guys that they fought, AGAIN. I just woke up hearing my mom yelling throughout the whole house and my dad protesting. Not a pleasant thing to wake up to.. and now I'm late to school...

I hope the rest of you are having a good day.

Joanne

I don't know Carl... I just hate it and want it all to go away. This is really frustrating and it's killing me.

Thanks Jamie. No. My friends might be all those fun and outgoing kinda type but whenever I want to talk about my problems, they would shut me out and wouldn't listen. It's always obvious so whenever I see the *signs* coming, I just shut up and sit down. They're nice to be with but they aren't really those 'true friends' kinda friend.

enjoy your day/night.

Joanne

Thanks Carl for letting me realize that no matter what, people are still people. I wouldn't be able to change them but I could move on and continue my journey. At least I know what to do when this happens to someone else that I know. Get out of the house, go get starbucks by the beach and then get home purposely drinking it in front of their faces (not my parents tho.. that's rude) and just let them envy the cold savory as they sore their throat with sandpaper.
You think that you wouldn't be a great father when you have kids but actually, to me, I think you'd be a great dad! You always give the perfect advice. What kind of stressed out teenager wouldn't want a dad with the greatest advice that you can relate to ? Not me, that's who. Since it's a wee bit too late now, I'd just wanna let you know that I think you'd be a great dad (: I will continue to love them and let them sort that crap themselves.

Karen- I'm 14. Yeah, I see where Carl had come from too.. From Mars to Norway. No, I don't see a counselor. Not even at school. I considered about it but then, when I was having a small talk with her, I realized that she's kinda hard to talk to. Yeah, a couple that I actually hang with. I'm not sure on what their interest are but I know that they're not really helpful at times like this. We would usually talk about nonsense and all those things that a normal teen gal would talk about.

I gotta go to school now, you two have a nice day.

Joanne

Hey Karen. I'm not really fond with counselors and psychologists in my country.. I'm just thinking to just get myself straighten out and move on. You have a good day too Karen.

Joanne

Karen: Errmmm.. no, i don't think they have it here. I live in a small town in the middle of the jungle, somewhere on the surface of the earth. Oh and Malaysia. I like to read on ebooks so I think I'm gonna start with that, hehe. And thanks, I'll take that as a compliment (:

Carl: It's magic. (:

My dad drank again today and got home pretty drunk.. He forgot to close the tap water out front and it's been on for.. 4-5 hours now. I just realized that it was on for quite awhile after my mom mentioned it to me.

Have a nice day guys!

Joanne

Yeah, it does sucks out loud but I can't change a thing so it's just a watch and learn kinda thing if you know what I mean.
I will hold on as long as you guys are there for me whenever I need you (:
thanks you two ((:
Ok, now I'm really gonna sleep. nights.
Joanne

Awhhhh.. you guys are the best! I knew you two would always be there whenever I need you. (-:
Errr.. something like that. I wanna go to bed when I'm really tired (super exhausted) so before I could think twice, I could sleep right there and then.
How are you two today ?
have a great day (;

Hey guys! I'm currently in another state now. It's 2 am now and I gotta go to bed. Gonna go to the dr's tomorrow and have a blood test and stuff. It's sad, I'm so thirsty but I can't drink ):

Hope you guys have a nice day!
P.S.- I'm soooo getting thai food tomorrow!

Joanne

enjoy. hoping your results go well.