I have been with my fiancee for 4 years now. We met very early on during our divorce process and both of our ex-spouses were having affairs. My fiancee also had depression and came from a very broken home where his mom abandoned him, and he lived with his dad and very strict step-mom. To this date, he still holds significant grudges against his mom. We met through mutual friends who introduced us. I did not find out about
his depression until 8 months into the relationship.
He is a very loving and sensitive person. Easily taking things out of context and very easily stressed. He continues to worry about things and waking up at 3:30/4:00 on invented issues. So worried about the future that he could not function and/or focus on present.
I love him dearly however he continued to have temper outbursts. He hates my ex so bad and he doesn't really get along with my older son 16 because of my son's quirkiness. A lot of his anger towards my ex has been imaginary. I have been calm telling him to put everything in context however it really did not calm him down. After 4 years, he still struggles with the exact same issues.
1). Long Distance relationship - he HATES his house, saying it's cold/dark/lonely. He gets depressed whenever he gets close to his house. He is afraid to be alone and in his mind, we would need to live in two different places until we both retire which is another 12-15 years.
2). My ex - he just hates my ex. My ex is bad but not that bad and they never see each other and talk to each other.
3). My older son - he just cannot tolerate how my older son acts. My older son has asbergers, extremely smart but focus on his things, and does behave a little differently. However my son has the softest heart and super sweet.
It all crushes down one morning when we were discussing about my ex was retaining a lawyer to re-draft the JPA. He had a meltdown, saying that my ex will be in our life FOREVER, and he cannot take the "package deal". He said he rather be dating someone 32 year-old, never married, doesn't want kids, and stay-at-home and wait for him after work, and can always go to conferences with him. I was frustrated since that is not who I am and he knew that from day one. I was mad since he was not able to be supportive. I did not ask him to help me with looking for an attorney, crying on his shoulder, ...etc. Everything went downhill from there (two and a half weeks ago).
He was in depression for the entire two-three weeks. We talked a few times in between. He would be UP (saying we are back together), and DOWN (saying he/his ex's relationship are normal and mine is dysfunctional so he could not take package deal). Earlier this week it reached a bottom, where he said he would come by my condo, and later in the day asking for me to respect his time/space since he needs to think things over. I was mad and sent him a note saying I'm moving on since I cannot deal with the roller coaster anymore. I have not heard from him since.
By Wednesday, he dropped my condo to pick up a couple of his things and left me a typed note saying he's sorry but he cannot deal with his internal deamon and that his internal flaws are preventing him from achieving happy life with me. He then requested to come over (driving 16 hours each way) to drop off my stuff from his place and pick up his stuff... He also gave me a handwritten note: "I formally request you to return the engagement ring since you were the one who mentioned "taking a break" that triggered this long over-due breakup". We texted some back/forth Thursday morning, after several texts, he told me he had a date, "a practice date", that was sort of exciting and fun... told me to go do the same thing so I can find someone LOCAL, more easygoing, and understanding. I was extremely HURT and the friends who set us up was SO MAD at him. All my family asked me to just move on. But it is so hard....
I cried myself to sleep several nights in a row. Got a random text from him last night saying he still loves me. Maybe with us not engaged, there would be no pressure to get married, and we can see each other. This afternoon got another text saying he is still trying to sort out his feelings so don't want to see me. I know he's going through a lot, I also know it's so hard to be the one with him cheering him on, ..etc. BUT I LOVE HIM!
HELP! What do I do?