screaming insides

hey mate. things will get better. maybe some journalling will help you to express yourself. getting it into words gets it out of ya head. know that we are all here for you. be safe okay, promise me. keep posting, take some deep breaths. maybe a nice walk will help.

The olden days were hard, no bathrooms, no tampons. I don't think you would of liked it actually. But I can relate to how you are feeling. Things sound like they are changing. And you aren't comfortable with the changes...

Know in life there is always going to be change. And we learn to get use to it, but there is an adjustment period... Then when we get use to that, they change again.

Is your father still drinking? It is getting worse? You are going to tell us a little more before we can give you some advice. All I can say at this point is take it one day at a time hun...

Hang in there and do keep posting. I hope you are getting some sleep...

Hugs, Karen...

Thanks for the wise words and support guys.

Karen- Yea, my dad still drinks. Once you're addicted to it, there's no letting go. I don't know whether it's been worse or not because I've been away from home for about 2-3 weeks now.

AV- Yea, that's true. When I think about it, I pity those people on the road having no food, shelter nor family. But then again, if they do have at least one family member but yet again, that family member's either abusive/alcoholic/something like that, then what for ? I'd rather just be alone and go on on my own then have someone who I can't lean on.

Carl- Well, I went swimming with my brother today and at least I had some fun for a change. Altho, getting water into your lungs, almost drowning and not being able to see well with the water in your eyes (I wear spectacles) isn't exactly what I had in mind.

It all started with that 'little thing' or things that my sissy in law did that pissed my mom off. She's kinda careless and sometimes her brain just doesn't think right enough to please my mom. She does that over and over again but my mom just doesn't have the guts to tell her so she complained the whole dang thing to me and so all I can say (as always) was a simple ol' "what can I do ?"

Since my sister in law (michelle)'s been staying over few weeks back, she kinda messed up the whole house. That one week was filled with complains and grumpy attitude. after that week, we all went to the city and stayed over at her place. Even so that it's not our house, my mom still takes charge on the cleanliness in the house (you know, moms..). As I said before, Michelle's kinda careless and pisses off my mom and so she did in her own house. Problem is, she doesn't realize it and my mom Still don't have the guts to say it.

So yesterday, as usual, she was complaining and fretting it all to me and I was starting to feel kinda annoyed because whenever she's in 'that mood', you'll be dreaming that she's going to be nice to you.

Today, the dam broke and when I asked her a question, just a simple question, she snapped at me. That question wasn't even meant to annoy anyone (she was just in 'that mood'). I, being angry and annoyed towards her attitude, snapped back at her. And the result was me, getting a beating.

It wasn't my fault that I snapped at her, I just got Soo angry and annoyed but I never thought that she'd be brutal. That was just scary.. I wasn't ready for that.

P.S.- I didn't tell my mom about my school thing because she's so gonna drag me back to school aka Hell. I hope I can change soon.. tho, i still have no idea how.

J

Its never ok to hit someone, especially a parent striking a child. NEVER. There is nothing you could do to warrant a beating. There have got to be opportunities available to take you from that situation. You need an environment where you can feel safe and be allowed peace of mind. I am so upset that your mother would ever, ever hit you! It just makes me furious that a mother would do such a thing. Being a mom, I could never do that. Hell, I won't even raise my voice with my kids. A mom's duty is to raise a productive member of society, provide a safe environment, and fulfill their child's needs in all ways.

Chill Carl,
you didn't kill someone did you ? and No. This is definitely not the first.

That's sweet Carl.
It's hard to realize that when you're in my position but I believe in you.

I still have no f-ing idea on how am I gonna deal with all these crap. I notice that the more older I get, the more complication I receive. It's as if it's a punishment for doing something wrong.

I'm so stressed out with school and home. I have no way out. Trapped. Lost. Like a mouse in a maze.

well, I'm currently searching for an online school from universities and hopefully can get into it within a week or a few starting from now. But I have no idea how. I mean, I already know which is good and which is bad (contacted the agency for that) but one major problem is I have NO idea on how to change my school right now. I can't contact them AT ALL (brownstone) and i'm just simply hoping something good's gonna happen to me soon.

they didn't! my gosh.. i hate typos..
my hand's so cold I can't even type right!

Asking your lawyer'd be a Huge Help!! Thanks a bunch Carl, you're the best (-:

well, they're not exactly out of business. They purchased this program (plato courseware) from edmentum which has over 30,000 schools who purchased it too.

They're still running the program with this school and I just did some test yesterday and they're still grading it and all. So I don't think they're exactly safe to be called as 'out of business'. Everything's still running. It's just that they're not answering my calls nor emails.

Oh.. well that's definitely very convenient aye ?

aside from agreeing that I'm a student of brownstone academy then yea. I guess so.. i think.

because according to the Texas local news, (Greg Abbott), there was this dog who graduated from Lincoln Academy which partnered with Brownstone Academy. They weren't aware that their student was a dog but yet the dog passed the exams and got a diploma. That was further investigated which revealed some what criminals who hid themselves with a school. It looks totally legit but in truth, they're not.

The hearing's gonna be on March 31st so.. just hoping after that, I can contact them and say "i quit" and hang up.

how am i gonna get completely out of the hook without them knowing actually ? I'm kinda confused with that.

okay. well for university:

it depends. My mom's thinking of the family business right now so she wants me to go to this university of art in singapore because the wedding's invitation card's owner/creator was a graduate from that uni in singapore and so my mom's considering about that. I love art anyways so..

Other then my mom's opinion, my dad wants me to be a lawyer and graduate from Harvard. That's a huge step.

But if you're asking for my opinion, i'd rather go to Stanford University then any other. If i can do it tho..

I'd be so thankful if I could get into either one of that university! It's like my dream to go to one of them.

Well, I did manage to get 2 legit high schools from an agency.
one is Texas Tech University Independent School District. They have their own university and the price's $2000 per year so I don't think it's that bad. Seems legit and has a reasonable price.

the other one's BYU independent school. Bringham Young University independent school actually. The price's $136 per course for per sem. so far, the rules only differ slightly and this one too seems legit. Also has its own uni. only i think this one's a bit pricier as I have to take up at least 28 courses to meet the graduation requirement. This one tho, instead of offering a diploma, it offers a high school transcript. TTUISD offers a diploma.

Which one do you think is better ? BYU's rated the #62 in US but TTUISD's rated #161.

what do you think ?