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Posted 4/1/2014 8:13 PM (GMT 0)
Hi, I am new to this and I really need some sound advise. Feeling as though I am losing my mind and everytime I feel like this, I am so afraid that my children age 12 and 11, both boys, will suffer if anything were to happen to me.I am 49, married, 2 boys, very stressful life. Used to be doing well financially managing my own business. Since getting married, felt like I was shoved back seat and he was like taken over the wheel. Though he has nothing to offer when he came into my life, I accepted him. I am his second marriage. His first wife divorced him.
He made a lot of bad business decisions, spent all my money, so I had to start borrowing. That really put me way out of my confort zone and made me feel extremely insecure and I constantly worry about our future.
I think I might have just about limit up on my sanity.Was admitted due to severe chest pain and though I could breath, I just felt the air was just not getting into my lungs. I was certain that i was going to die. I fought and prayedto the Lord all they way to the hospital and finally passed out as we were aproaching the ER.
That was about 10 months ago. Now I constantly feelc chest pain, numbness, tingling sensation on my hands and legs, eye twitching, and muscle on my face tightening and pulling. I am scared. My children need me.
Also have headaches lately some last for 2 days or so. Did Ct Angio and my Cardiologist said my heart is ok except there is one side of the valve not closing properly, regurgititate.He put me on Alprazolam and Lexotan Betaloc,since I was discharged and I was ok for awhile. My Cardiologist repeated the same medication in my subsequent visits and kept on telling to relax everytime I see him. My worst fear is am I potentially going to get a stroke. Should I consult a nerologist?


I gave your thread a title, you will get more responses that way...

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 4/1/2014 2:27:09 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/1/2014 8:26 PM (GMT 0)
I think you need to relax like the doctor said. Take some nice deep breaths. In through the nose and out through the mouth. Called smelling the roses and blowing out the candles. You can control this and your anxiety by breathing and taking your medications. Counseling would help too. They will teach you more ways to relax.

Try to be calm. That is the best thing for your boys. You don't want to stress them out along with yourself.

Keep posting, it helps a lot...

Others will be on to greet you. Welcome to the forum.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 4/1/2014 8:35 PM (GMT 0)
follow Karens's advice.

The other thing you can do is take back control of YOUR company.
Marriage is the partnership, buisness is just that. It is only part his if you want it to be.

set your boundries.

Peace
Trina
Posted 4/1/2014 9:33 PM (GMT 0)
hi megan,

what karen said was right. you need to losen up a bit. what you're experiencing is not as concerning as you thought. you're definitely NOT gonna have a stroke.

i'm pretty sure your oldest son knows what's this family's going thru and he will definitely be happy to throw in some crazy ideas of him with the family business or somesort. trust me, small body can hide big brains.

i hope you're doing well. take care and just take a deep breath. one step at a time (:

Joanne
Posted 4/1/2014 10:56 PM (GMT 0)
Megan ~~~

'Just breathe and relax' this is basically the message I got when the world I was somewhat comfortable living in took a sudden STOP. Having to accept my own weakness and take a firm grip hold on the extended helping hand directed in my direction was totally against my gregarious nature; it is my nature to be the ONE who cares for the needs of others. I figured with just a bit of time, directing my attention to the needs of others and not thinking of my own problems that I would become whole all over again. But to my own sorrow I found myself swallowed up in a dark abyss and there was no one above to throw down a rope and pull me up. I would have to redirect my energy, focus in own myself and take the slow ascend to the top at which time that 'helping hand' would be there to pull me out and set me on my own two feet all over again.
I sincerely want YOU to become a whole new YOU; but it will require baby steps and courage to continue forward each and every day.

Post Edited (be-YOU-tiful) : 4/1/2014 4:59:28 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/1/2014 11:42 PM (GMT 0)
YOU CAN'T DO IT ALL!

   If you were to try to handle your business once again, spend enough time with your two sons nearing their teens ... and take care of your medical and anxiety concerns all at the same time - IT'S TOO MUCH!

   I ran my own little business for 22-years until we got into the still current 6+ year old recession .... and then into the hospital with kidney failure - then metastisized cancer. My business died. I didn't! A choice had to be made! I chose me over the business I loved!

   When you think about priorities, you do need to take care of yourself first. If not, everything else could get nasty.

   As most have said here, you should take your business back ... BUT!!!! I do believe that the other people who have given advice so far here have NOT run their own business for any length of time - and none of them are raising two sons!

   It do make a difference!

   I do understand, even when a business is running well ... it's a 50 or 60-hour a week time investment - usually with no holidays off and sometimes with no vacation time or sick leave time off - sometimes even for years. When it's not running well, of course - it's worse.

   You might have to bite the bullet on your business. Your husband - ?????? But - your health is #1 with your sons a close #2!

   A counselor was mentioned - great idea! Relaxing was mentioned - absolutely! Breathing right - try it! It helps! Your business - too much stress - experience talking!!!!

   Could this actually work? Your husband, who has pretty much destroyed your business .... could he buy the business from you? I know - not at all likely!!! But, if he could - you could take the money and help to support your sons and your medical needs ... and you'de have the time for both too!

Peace and wellness to you.

Rob & Gizmo

    

  

Posted 4/2/2014 8:24 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you all so much to who have so graciously taken the time and trouble to respond to my post.

I read each and every one of your reply over and over again and your replies mean so much to me. I felt really comforted, my chest felt lighter.

I had to take to time off to have a good cry before I can reply. I don't feel so alone anymore.

All this time, I didn't know this forum exist until I stumbled upon it yesterday.

I will, take better care of myself, set priorities and this time I will make myself a part of the priorities that I set.

All of you are so kind, thank you. I will keep on posting. Hopefully one day, I will be able to help others the way you guys have help me.

One day at a time, small baby steps, I hope I will find the strength that I need.

 

Posted 4/2/2014 9:24 AM (GMT 0)
hi megan,

i feel you (:
i stumbled upon this forum last year and it's been there for me ever since!

you're not alone in this!
take care,

joanne
Posted 4/2/2014 1:27 PM (GMT 0)
First to JB1 .....

   There were no inferences of "meaningless advice"! Please don't take it that way. The first two paragraphs of yours seemed to be written out of anger. The last two paragraphs actually stated my points exactly - about health and the sons.

   I hope you can understand that running a business is much more effort requiring than anyone conceives - unless they've done it before. And I mean their only income was derived from that business. All of their bills had to be paid from that business. And there was NO income coming in from anything else! Experience in that pressure-cooker is needed to understand how much time, effort and frustration it takes to just try to fix a business gone bad.

   It simply draws tons of energy out of a person. And in this case, megan needs the energy for her daily health concerns and for her sons. Here again, I'm sad to say I've had some of those experiences.

   I never conceived of stopping my business when I went into the hospital in January of 2011 ... but 15-days later, just before being released, it was clear to me my energy is being spent on my kidney failure, copd and advanced cancer.

   Please ..... no advice stated here was meaningless. But some types of advice can be much more meaningfull - if only because of having gone thru similar life experiences.

Then to Megan ......

   Please don't underestimate the time and effort that likely would be involved to salvage your business. True .... I have no idea of what your business is or was ... if you had employees ... if you had tons of merchandise you're stuck with and can't afford to keep ... if you were in a high liability business and can no longer afford errors/ommissions insurance ... any lawsuits pending ... or any of the other thousands of problems you might have with the operation of your business.

   I was in a personal service business, so merchandise was not ever my problem. Cash flow often was ... slow payments ... sometimes no payments ... very high insurance costs ... and so on!

   Of course, only you ... can establish your priority list - but I think every one agrees what the two most important priorities are. Wishing the best thoughts. Keep posting. It helps to not bury things deep inside!

Peace and wellness

Rob & Gizmo

   

Posted 4/2/2014 6:00 PM (GMT 0)
I am by nature, if i may, a very determine person, or rather, I used to be. I guess it was an accumulation of events and incidences throughout all these years thatbroke me and brought me to to the brink, since I got married. My entire life changed. That was 13 years ago.
My mum died August 2012 and my dad 5 months later. It seemed like it was only a while ago when we buried my mother, same church where we had the wake when my dad died. I was heartbroken. I still miss them and I love them so very much.
I stood at their bedside, watching them feeling so utterly helpless as they took their last breath, both were in a coma when they passed. But it was not their time, especially my mum. Her number was not up, yet. The Lord did not call her back to Him. She took her own life. she suffered from a serious nerve disorder, a condition that although was not fatal, she was constantly in a lot of pain despite strong medication and I guess she just couldn't take it anymore. And my Dad, I can only guess that he wanted to join my mum sooner.
Each Sunday I pray to the Lord to help me find peace and strength,to show me how to, I take it that my prayers are answered, God Bless; Karen, Trina, Joanne, JB1, Rob & Gizmo and be-YOU-tiful.

Tomorrow, hopefully will be a better day for all of us.

Post Edited (megantan) : 4/2/2014 12:32:19 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/2/2014 6:32 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Megantan,

I am so sorry for your losses. It is hard to lose somebody so close to us at such an early age. And to lose your father so shortly after your mother. That must feel awful to you. Did you get any type of grief counseling? It often helps... Grief is a funny creature, and there is no time limit.

I hope that you feel better soon. It is sunny here today so I went for a walk. It did me a world of good. I feel so much better than I did. It was a little chilly. We still have snow here. But it is melting.

Take care hun...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 4/2/2014 6:40 PM (GMT 0)
Megan,

i know it's hard to face the truth that they're gone. but it's not hard to face the truth and that they're both happy together. your mom and dad aren't exactly there with you physically but they will always be there for you in your heart. they're watch you from Heaven and they're still taking good care of you. they're not gone, they just went to a better place.

May God bless and protect you and your family on whatever road you take.
stay strong, you can do this.

joanne
Posted 4/2/2014 6:48 PM (GMT 0)
Nice suggestion Carl...
Posted 4/2/2014 7:06 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Megantan,

So sorry you're going through so much, to lose your parents so close together is heartbreaking, this happened very recently and with everything else you have going on, no wonder you are suffering.

Stress is terrible and can affect us in so many ways, if I can tell you that I have so much going on and am so severely stressed, at one point for a long time I felt crazy, had heart palpitations, I'd literally shake, could not breathe properly and my eyes and face would twitch. I can go in to massive depressions.

In the end I knew what was happening and told myself...you have to try to relax!!!! it was happening every single day. I'd walk around probably looking 1/2 sane but dying inside, just awful.

Everything builds up and builds up and we can only take so much.

This is what I do, first I realize what's happening and try to calm down, it's juts going to get worse if I don't, for me it's actually being alone, I don't care if it's taking a nice quiet bath, I light candles and lay back! has to be quiet outside the bathroom too!! It does help to unwind.

I love to walk so I take off and be in nature, really relaxes me.

Then, of course, there's what's going on in your life to sort out, getting ourselves to relax is probably the first step.

Therapists can be a life saver, just talking to someone and they can have really good advice when we are unable to think quite clearly because of all the stress.

I am a little older than you and my daughters have all left home but I also think we come to a certain age and look back and our lives have not gone as we had probably hoped and that's another stress and worry, I sometimes think who am I, what happened to my life? I feel different, I lost myself.

To have lost your parents and what happened to your mom....extremely upsetting and traumatizing, I'm so very sorry, I think talking to a therapist might help you with your pain.

I know you're worried about your son's, totally understand, kids can be so resilient, but you must take care of yourself too, very important.

I also read a lot, one book by Dr. Claire Weekes, "Hope and help for your nerves" is brilliant and it feels as though she is talking to you directly. A $7.99 paperback that really helped me.

One step at a time...one foot in front of the other...1st priority is you, of course your kids are right there or probably more important, as my daughters are to me, but we have to take care of ourselves, I ran myself ragged when my daughters were younger and got ill (Love em so much!)

Take a deep breath!...tell yourself you're a wonderful person and I'm doing the best I can! then go from there..

So hope you feel better soon, look in to a therapist, keep coming on here to "talk", only just joined myself and it's good to feel someone understands, hang in there!! big hugs coming your way....

Post Edited (Thundercloud) : 4/2/2014 1:13:05 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/7/2014 8:26 AM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone,

I am feeling much better. The "smelling of roses" and the relaxation method that I have learnt from everyone works for me. Though initially when I first tried it I almost gave up. Yup, no doubt the problems are still there but following the advise that I picked up from everyone, letting loose, small steps, deep breath really, really helped, just needed a little patient.

Looking at the problems and issues that so many people have here, the problems that I am facing seem trivial, I realised that.

I would like to share that praying does help too, whichever faith we are in. As for me, I go to church and pray, and talk to God, pour out all my sorrows, and pray for strength, peseverance and whatever it takes so that I can cope, at least one day at a time. Just like Karen said, just being able to get by, and slowly, I become a little stronger as each day goes by.

 

Posted 4/7/2014 11:15 AM (GMT 0)
The breathing does really help you get some control back. Breathing in (smelling the roses) and out (blowing out the candles). Breathing out with pursed lips, helps control the breathing and heart rate. I find it helps me a lot of times. Especially when I am feeling out of control. Thanks for remembering...

Have a good day Megan... I hope things go well for you today...

Hugs, Karen...
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