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My dad makes me depressed!

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Posted 4/18/2014 5:04 PM (GMT 0)

Hi guys,

I need some advice...My dad and I have had this ongoing issue.

 He has never truly embraced me and loved me as a person. He is involved with a very "cultish" type church, the only way he "temporarily accepts" me is if I go with him. I have recently stopped going because I found another place to attend that is better for me.

He has completly changed towards me. He does not help me anymore financially or support me emotionally.

To make matters worse, I have a little sister that he is completly obsessed with! He supports her financially and loves her completly and she does not go to church with him.

I just can't figure it out! Like what is so wrong with me that he doesn't love me or accept me? The rejection from him has led me to low self esteem and feelings of depression.

Any Advice?

Posted 4/18/2014 5:13 PM (GMT 0)
HI there,

I do have to mention, we can't blame others for our depression, he may be contributing to your emotional upset, but our depression is all ours.

Work on yourself so you don't need the reassurance from your dad. And he probably doesn't even realize how you feel. Have you talked to him? How old are you? Our parents usually stop supporting us financially at about the age 18. So after that, we can't depend on our parents to help anymore.

Work on your issues. Sure it makes you feel badly. That is totally understandable, but how we react is another story. We have to love ourselves enough so we don't need other humans to make us feel complete.

Work on your depression. Are you taking medication? Do you see a doctor? Do you see a counselor?

I can't make your dad out to be a bad person because I don't know him. But I can advise you to get help for the way that you feel. I really hope that you feel better soon. Try not to think about it. Enjoy your day... Happy Good Friday!!!

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 4/18/2014 6:34 PM (GMT 0)
Hi,

well that just sucks out loud. but you can't really blame him, some parents are just that way. you can't do anything about it at times but there are a few methods that you can always try like talking privately with your dad, let him got to your church for a change (who knows he might realize), or some other methods that you can think of.

I totally understand you that parents can decrease your self esteem greatly but it's our emotion; we have to take control of it. they bring you down, you bring yourself back up. my parents adore my older bro and little sissy WAY too much and i'm just sort of 'left out' . annoying but true for being a middle child.

but they can't take control of your life forever. be you, be free. don't let what they do to bring you down affect your tomorrow. everyday is a new day so spend it wise because we never know when the world will end. you can do this (:

joanne
Posted 4/18/2014 11:25 PM (GMT 0)
Hello ....

   Speaking as a Dad ... of two daughters, I have some comments. Depending upon your age, there should be a major adjustment in your financial support at some point ... but never a lose of emotional support.

   In time, you will most likely leave your Dad in the dust ... for the emotional support. Someone will become more important to you. But, it is his responsibility to always offer it to you.

   His reactions are HIS! They aren't or certainly should not be any form of punishment to you - and they are NOT your fault. Sometimes, we Dads get wrapped up in things and don't realize quick enough that the needs of one of our children changes as they grow up.

   And sometimes we have no clue as to how we should react or adapt to the changing needs. And of course, some Dad's are too heavy into control - and that is definitely their problem.

   Try not to combine financial support with love. They have little to do with each other. Well, I should say if your 12, that's one thing. If you're 22, it can be more loving from the heart - to cut-off or greatly reduce financial support. At some point, the parents responsibility should be to prepare their child for becoming an independant and responsible part of society.

   Try to talk to your Dad ... and explain to him how bad you're feeling. Try not to say "this is how bad you're making me feel" though! If you're able, it would be good for you to be able to talk to a counselor - with which you can develop a relationship of trust.

   Best wishes.

Rob & Gizmo

  

Posted 4/18/2014 11:40 PM (GMT 0)
honestly, i bet your daughter both love you a lot rob. you really understand their needs and just wanna tell you that that's so sweet!

have a nice day.
Posted 4/19/2014 10:39 PM (GMT 0)
Don't worry: my dad makes me depressed too.

Personally, I feel it is natural to question your self-worth when you are rejected. Humans are social animals, who have lived in groups for millions of years: I remember reading once that aborigines who were cast out from their tribe would die after a few days, even if they were originally healthy. Now I'm not suggesting you go away and die, but your pain is entirely in keeping with how humans are hardwired.

Objectively, your dad has issues. Just being a member of a cult alone suggests that he has problems dealing with the real world. Cults tend to manipulate their members and, in turn, your dad seems to be manipulating you. I have absolutely no idea why he prefers your sister, but I can say that his preference probably has no bearing in reality. Some parents blatantly favour one sibling over another: from what I've seen it never has anything to do with the darling child actually being a nicer, kinder, better human being than their overlooked sibling(s): quite the opposite in most cases.

Unfortunately parents can be a seething mass of neuroses and they can pass these neuroses onto their children, which I feel like is exactly what happened to me. My advice is to distance yourself from your dad, both emotionally and physically and seek human affection elsewhere. Much, much, much easier said than done, I know. It's a vicious circle: the more depressed and worthless you feel, the harder it is to talk to people. On the other hand feeling close to somebody is the only way - almost - to mitigate the feelings of worthlessness. Maybe you can make some friends in the new place you are going to.

PS: There is no shame in using the internet to talk to people. I've made a few genuine friends that way.
Posted 4/20/2014 3:05 PM (GMT 0)
Sometimes we have to accept reality and release what we know will never happen.

Jesus never put boundries on love. The best you can do is be a great roll model for you kids, focus on you and your mental health and their healthy learning of God and his love.

If you Dad comes around, so be it. IF not, know it was not your choice. It will be his.

Sometimes we have to pick the hard road to ensure health and happiness for our family and children.

Peace and strength
Trina
Posted 4/21/2014 8:29 PM (GMT 0)
You are an individual person and have every right to happiness,
never allow anyone even a parent decide wheather of not you are a worthwhile person, when they do this they are judging you
and I don't think they have that authority. Protect your health, pick your friends according to your own likes and dislikes, and
above all don't ever judge others, remember the only thing that
counts is what you and God thinks, I personaly doubt you daddy
has any idea what God requires! Peace
Larry ***
Posted 4/21/2014 10:45 PM (GMT 0)
Hello again ....

   Please do not consider this a "hyjacking" of your thread. I wrote a detailed reply earlier - but I did want to add something to the posts of two recent writers.

   It's just a clarification of what was said by both - and it is not a criticism.

To Problems are Opportunities:

   I so wish you were right about both of my daughters. I think so often what a Dad wants from a child is "respect"! There is absolutely no doubt my youngest daughter has love and respect for me. My oldest daughter certainly has no respect for me or her mother - and her sense of love seems to come from just how much she can get from either of us.

   So ..... what goes around doesn't always come around. To some parents, that's the ultimate failure!

To Nice Cup of Tea:

   Maybe not often, but sometimes the preference of a child does have a bearing or basis of reality. I used to be so close with my oldest daughter for years. One of my weaknesses is that i can relate to a slightly older child while I have a tough time relating to a toddler or younger child.

   There is a 9+ year difference between my daughters. Only one wife and one mother here. We did lose a son in pregnancy between the two daughters. My youngest was a surprise!!!!

   Both daughters have been adults for some time now, and my oldest daughter for two years now, has been very cold to me - never calls me unless she wants something. I think she's trying to avoid my terminal illnesses - you know "out of site - out of mind"!

   Needless to say, it hurts me very much. In the past 6-months, my youngest daughter has become my "rock"! She is all any Dad woould ever want in a child.

   In this case, that child has become nicer, kinder and a better human being. I'm not being argumentative. Just saying ..... it can happen that way!

   Note:

PAO ..... thanks for the very nice things you said.

NCOT ..... I agree with everything else you said - and said so well.

Peace and wellness

and to you "I want to smile again"

Rob & Gizmo

  

 

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