Depressed and not supported

I have been struggling with severe depression. I have only in the past year been diagnosed and been taking medication but through therapy have realized this has likely afflicted me for many many years and I just hadn't recognized it.

I believe much of it stems from my childhood upbringing and influenced my beliefs about myself and others as well as how I have struggled in relationships throughout my life.

I am married and have a 3 yr old son. My husband has been incredibly supportive of me through this difficult time however my parents have not. I suppose that isn't much surprise as I believe they played a large part of why I have been depressed.

I didn't have the worst childhood but it also wasn't the best. My parents were never really emotionally supportive of me and always focused on the negative. They were quick to criticize and rarely praised. Arguments and yelling were a daily thing to the point where it felt normal and were never resolved just swept under the rug. I love yous were exchanged probably less than I can count on two hands. A lot of this I internalized and in turn i didn't have the best of relationships throughout subsequent years. It has affected my marriage greatly to the point where I now realize how it is negatively affecting our relationship and I have been working on changing myself.

However since I have been diagnosed and treated for depression my parents have been so stubborn and refused to try to have any compassion or understanding for me. They have been the type to say suck it up and at least you don't live in Somalia. They have basically said they cannot and will not deal with me and they aren't willing to have a relationship with me until I'm better. They don't think they have done anything wrong and don't feel there is any need for them to change.

I would have thought that because I am their daughter they would at least have the compassion and try to support me. Instead they have chosen the opposite. And I suppose it shouldn't surprise me that much but it hurts really bad. It makes me feel as though I won't have much of a relationship with them at all in the future. I have been allowing myself to be too vulnerable with them and been naive too long to hope that they would really ever change into the people I hoped they would be.

It's a dilemma for me as I want my son to have grandparents in his life as they are his only ones but I also feel so hurt and like I can never allow myself to be hurt by them again.

Has anyone else had to deal with unsupportive family or friends and how did you move forward with this?

Oh yes to the therapy...

It helps so much. I didn't have a supportive parent either. So I know how it feels.

We learn to be our own support and not to expect it from them anymore. Life s till goes on whether they are there or not...

Hugs, Karen

Wonderful advice above and BNotAfraid is spot on!

Therapy is wonderful, I couldn't have got through a bunch of stuff without it.

You may never get what you want and need from your parents but therapy can help you with that, I have a chemical imbalance but also had an abusive childhood from alcoholic adoptive father. My mom would still say years and years later that I had a "little" depression....she just couldn't face it I suppose.

I just wanted everyone to understand what I was going through but, through therapy, learned it may never happen and to move on, best thing I ever did. You can't make someone feel a certain way but it sure can 1/2 destroy you, terrible feeling. It does make depression worse I think.

So true no one asks for their parents! but you can choose healthy positive people to be around and that will help so much.

Our childhoods can follow and haunt us for many years, I've known a few people who carry it to old age. You must think about yourself, as I mentioned you can't make your parents act a certain way, I know it's hard and it hurts very, very much but they are the way they are and you just can't wait for them to change as your life will be very sad.

Please look after yourself, many hugs....

My heart breaks for you! But oh, have I been there. Everyone here recently helped me through a very toxic relationship with my mom. My mom was a taker and never gave. Or only gave if it benefited her. For 43 years, I have been trying to please her enough to get her to love me. Guess what? I realized about a year ago, she wasn't ever going to love me.

I spent a great deal of time mourning the relationship with her that I never, ever had and never will. I had to go through that process because essentially, our relationship was dead so I had to grieve. Through counseling, I finally put myself first, started doing things to please me and learned to love myself. I also learned that I didn't have to try and be anyone different for my friends to love me.

After being completely out of my life (no contact whatsoever) for three years, earlier this year she contacted me on FB. I fell quickly into the old routine- do enough so she will love me. One of my friends gave me a virtual slap across the face and I snapped back to reality. It hurt, but it was going to hurt worse down the line if I allowed her in my life again and she treated me like crap.

So, I told her that I loved her because she was my mom and I cut off all ties with her. We have to surround ourselves with a positive support group. I am an only child and I've moved 27 times so I don't have life-long friends. My Healing Well family walked each step with me. Al ot of forward steps and at times a few backwards steps.

Our support system doesn't have to be our families. Surround yourself with people who love you for you and will help you through this time.

Sending hugs!
Michele

   and forgot ...............

   don't take on any guilt!!!

Rob & Gizmo