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Anniversary of sister's death

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Posted 5/5/2014 2:04 PM (GMT 0)
My older sister died 5 May 2012, of host versus graft disease, brought on by a failed bone marrow transplant for leukemia.

She was 56.

She was 12 when I was born. My parent's marriage was failing. She took a lot of responsibility for me as a child, and kept very close ties to me, cheerleading through high school, college, grad school, etc. She, too, had a PhD, but had fibro and serious anxiety.

In so many ways, she made me the person I am today. I still feel guilty that my depression caused me to not be as loving/helpful to her during the last 9 months of her life. I was very down, and was not a good sister.

On this day, I remember her with love and respect, for the many things she meant to me.
Posted 5/5/2014 2:42 PM (GMT 0)
I would also add that a college friend died suddenly, in his sleep, yesterday. He was a few years older than I am, and was a really great guy, a good actor, and had a beautiful singing voice. He made a living working as an actor. He did what he loved in life--there are not many who can say that.
Posted 5/5/2014 3:07 PM (GMT 0)
 

   Table the guilt!

   Guilt destroys people!

   It's two years later - and you still love her - and

   I think that will last a lifetime for you!

   As you've said, sometimes life bites! And that's so true with

   the loss of a loved one. Cherish those good memories!

Rob & Gizmo

   P.S. - while not appropriate to state here, I have a thought

            to be added ..... and will do so on the daily thread!

Posted 5/5/2014 3:13 PM (GMT 0)
I agree. She wouldn't want you to feel guilty. She had her own struggles with mental health so I'm sure she understood. It's great that you have the memories you do.

I'm sorry about your friend. Life can be so fleeting. I hope you are able to make today a celebration of both their lives. A celebration means so much more.
Posted 5/5/2014 3:21 PM (GMT 0)
Treasure th fond memories. Remember the Good times...

Hugs Karen
Posted 5/5/2014 3:38 PM (GMT 0)
I agree...
She wouldn't want you to feel guilty. She would want to you go on and be happy. It will hurt because of the special bond the both of you had. Just remember the good times and cherish it!

UA
Posted 5/6/2014 9:37 AM (GMT 0)
healing compassionate prayers i send. my deepest of condolences.
Posted 5/6/2014 1:09 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks all. She was a good woman, loved her family and her friends, made friends easily and kept them close, loved her doggie and her garden. She had given up working due to her chronic conditions, and this was very hard for her. But she put her time instead to maintaining relationships and fighting for causes.

I have been trying to resolve the guilt. It's hard, especially when you know you behaved badly. But I would think she did understand, if not liked.

As for my college friend, his death is still unresolved. There was a rumor, back in 90s, that he was HIV+, but I never saw anything from his posts and emails that would indicate that. I could be wrong. I always found it odd in a good way that the disease didn't seem to impact more men that I knew in the eighties and nineties. I have only known two men to die from it.

But, he was a good and kind guy who battled his own demons in alcoholism, won out over them, and seemed to be moving into character roles with some meat to them in his middle age.

Thanks for the pep talk all! Carl- not at all tough--more delicate in physiognomy, if ferocious in mind.
Posted 5/6/2014 4:18 PM (GMT 0)
Pllease dont feel guilt. It is a waste of time. Rejoice all the good memories. Then try to move on with your sister in spirit. I lost two sisters who were in their 40s. Too younng. One to breast cancer and the other to lupus and liver problems. It was so sad. I was so young. Only in my 30s then. It was such a huge loss for me because the deaths were close together. I also lost my mother, grtand mother and an aunt at this time. It was a two year period. I will never forget the way I felt. It was most of my family. I dont have much family left anymore. No kids... I will probably die alone. But you never know, and it isnt something I am going to dwell on. We have to take life one day at a time, and live in the present. Anniversaries, they are going to happen. And we are going to get sad. But it will pass. So hang in there. Try to feel happy. Remember good times and throw away the guilt. I hope you feel better.

Hugs, Karen
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