Posted 5/6/2014 12:39 AM (GMT 0)
Don't know if your daughter would agree to this, but when I was 15 and in the beginning of my treatment for severe depression, we did a couple of "family sessions". Just Mom, Dad, and me with a counselor. While I didn't sit there and tell my parents all the details of what was going on with me, we were able to talk about things like how they could help, and what things weren't so helpful. It opened up communication between us. It was a controlled environment, no fighting, yelling, or walking away. We just came up with ways for me to let them know what I needed, and it gave them a chance to tell me how they felt and ask questions about how to appropriately and effectively deal with the things that came up. I'm sure they would have liked to know what I talked about in therapy etc, but that wasn't really necessary for them to be able to help me.
What I needed most was for my parents to tell me that they were there for me, that they supported me, and loved me, and that they didn't know all the answers. I needed to hear that they weren't disappointed in me or ashamed of me. I needed them to sit there and say "you can talk to us about anything" and to know that they weren't going to judge my feelings, etc.
Looking back on it now, 20 years later, I do think it was important. It was acknowledging the elephant in the room, and got the communication going. I didn't have to struggle with both being depressed and then trying to hide my depression. It enabled us to put the depression right out in the open. To this day, I go to therapy and I could probably count on 1 hand the number of times I gave my parents much detail about what I discussed in my session. My parents still tell me at times that they wish they could fix it or wish they knew what they should do. I don't expect them to fix my problems, but it helps knowing that they are doing their best to be supportive, I can ask for their help if I want to, and that I can tell them "i'm depressed". My mom often comes over to my apartment to help me with things that overwhelm me, or encourages me to get my butt off the couch, get in the shower, and come over to their house or run some errands with her.
I'm sorry for writing so much. I just cannot tell you how important it has been for me to know my parents will do their best to be supportive and to know that I can be as open with them as I want to be. Trying to hide severe depression from people just makes it a million times harder to deal with.
I hope you find a way to open up the communication. Keep us posted.