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My Girlfriend is depressed! :(

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Posted 5/30/2014 10:05 AM (GMT 0)
Ive been in a steady relationship for the past year. I'm totally in love with her and she says she loves me too.

However she suffers from some kind of depression. And this is effecting our relationship. She tells me she gets sad for no reason at all, and that I can not understand what she is going through. She pushes me away, tells me that she is having doubts on us. I try and show her that I'm there for her, and that if she ever decides to go and speak to someone, I will be willing to help her out or even join her if need be. But she says that she has been to see someone a couple of times and it doesn't work on her. So now she doesn't want to go anymore. Its ok she says, it will pass!

I hate seeing her like this, and hearing her say that she is having doubts on our relationship, worries me! I love her to bits, and would do anything for her, but I need to protect myself and therefore hearing this makes it difficult to get closer to her.....just in case.

I dont know what to do, I feel that she is the one for me, but i'm afraid it wont last because of this.

What shall I do? How can I help her out without being too bossy about seeking help?
I would tell her that her 'condition' is effecting our relationship but i'm afraid that she wont understand and it would just get worse. Or even just leave be because she would say that, "its not fair for you to deal with this..."

I dont know what to do......pls help!
Posted 5/30/2014 10:24 AM (GMT 0)
Talk her into trying a different therapist. Sometimes with therapy, it goes a little slow until you get to know them. She isn't depressed really bad yet, it is a good time to be proactive and get help. Once a person falls deeper in to the depths of depression it is harder to get better.

I wish you the best.

Hugs, Karen

Welcome to he forum!!!
Posted 5/30/2014 2:59 PM (GMT 0)
I agree she needs a therapist she can relate to and feel safe with.
Sometimes it take a couple therapist to find the right one. Most therapist understand and do not take it personally. If they do, it just shows, they were not the right one to begin with.

Peace and courage
Trina
Posted 5/31/2014 2:53 PM (GMT 0)
Hello .....

   Please do protect yourself.

   I was, not that long ago, involved with a woman for 7-years although it was on/off at times. She did go to a psychiatrist, at most, twice yearly - and she went there for her meds and to verify they were at the right strength. Her psychiatrist was of no value at all for talking to her - or for her to talk to him.

   There came a time for us to seek help - so we went to a couples counselor. It did take 4 or 5-sessions before the counselor hit one of the problems. And my partner could not accept what she was told by the counselor. I remember her even screaming at me on the way home that day.

   Whatever was hidden - was well hidden. It was the last time we went to a counselor. It was just too comfortable for my partner to go to her psychiatrist for another pill prescription - rather than to try to fix whatever was wrong.

   I had very strong feelings for her - still think about her at times - and it's been over three years now. Her method of dealing with her problems were to temporarily say good-by to me ... find someone else for a fling - then come back to me in a couple of months. That happened three times using various excuses. But she did tell me the last time - and i caught her the first time with her former BF of 5-years.

   I had a hard time letting go ...... but, it needed to be done. She would not accept help from anyone. Pills were her answer!!!

You have some hard choices.

Rob & Gizmo

 

Posted 5/31/2014 7:08 PM (GMT 0)
I kind of agree with Rob & Gizzy. It's wonderful that you're so committed (my husband is, I am very lucky), but be hyper vigilant in knowing that loving a depressed person takes twice the work of a happy person. We are just more work. It takes us longer to do things, longer to get out of a funk and take action, and we can forget about our partners needs. A lot. I, too, used to do the 'if it's so difficult maybe we should break up' thing. And in fact I did it recently during a really rough row not too long ago. Being stuck in a depressed brain is a lot of work and sometimes we feel that we are just dragging our partners down with us, or that being in a relationship requires more energy than we currently have. Doesn't mean we don't love you, because we certainly do. But we also have a brain that doesn't know how to help itself, let alone you.

So my advice is to just be patient. And don't force anything. Maybe do some research for her and go the extra mile by phone interviewing some therapist and then presenting her with the info. Other than that, there isn't much you can do besides encourage her to remain social and active in her life.

Good luck. :)
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