Michele ........
You are entering a very difficult time with your daughter. One of mine was there not that long ago. It's so tough to let go gradually and yet try to stay in your daughters life - but not too much!
This is not a suggestion for you ... but it's a description of how things worked well with my youngest.
My daughter didn't even get a license to drive until she was nearly 20. Unusual - I know ... and I had nothing to do with that! Neither did her mother.
She did work her head off in high school and as a result, was able to get a 50% scholarship at a fairly good private University about 150-miles away. She also worked on campus part-time and in the summer for the village full-time.
Her mother contributed nothing toward her college. She just took off for Florida within a month of my daughter graduating from high school.
So, the only other money besides scholarship and grants, was from her working and from me. After the first two years, I realized she needed a car for going to work. On campus, she started working two part-time jobs and for the summers, she worked for a local newspaper as a junior reporter.
What I worked out for her was ...... for her third and fourth years, my college contribution was instead - to buy her a 4-year old Saturn in nice shape with an extended warranty. My deal was .... I paid the first two years of the car payments and the first two years of insurance.
Then, with one more year of car payments due, I paid the car off - and gave the car to her with a transferred title. Her responsibility, during graduate school then was - to pay me around $135./month for the reimbursement of the last year of car payments and carry her own insurance and fees.
She fulfulled her responsibility during her graduate year. She also got into two accidents - one of them a very careless accident - and after the title was in her name.
The bottom line .... I helped her out financially, but she also worked. And at the same time, she became a very responsible young person - not so easy to accomplish for a 20-year old!
Now - she's nearly 29. She's done very well in her career so far - and tough one it is being in journalism as we're getting more and more high-tech!
And she's a distant neighbor of yours!
Oh yeah ...... and while she was working on her B.A. - her grandmother would reimburse her for all of her books - but my daughter was responsible for buying them first - so she learned quickly how to buy books cheap. For her M.A. - I did tell her that it's all her expense. And she handled it! Talk about a proud Dad!!!!!
Just start by taking a deep breath first!
Rob & Gizmo