Update on me

Hi Seanbigshow,

Thanks for updating us on how you're doing, I'm sorry that you're at a really low point right now and guess what you are not alone. You're feelings don't sound drastic those are your feelings, it's not drastic it's being overwhelmed. Trust me I know I'm right there with you right now but I don't even have the guts to start a post to admit it, you are reaching out which is a good thing.

I know what it's like to feel like you're getting to a breaking point not knowing if you'll wind up in the hospital or some type of self harm that is my exact struggle right at this minute and I can understand why you are scared. I'm proud of you for taking the time to post and you should be proud of yourself too.

I also have some anxiety around taking meds sometimes I wonder if they are messing with my head and actually I'm on a combo of 6 meds for my mental health illness. I know that meds are made to help us and if we're open and honest with our doctor we can eventually get on a combo that will help us. I don't know a lot about codeine or if it causes confusion or mind cloud.

There may be something that needs to be changed with your meds so you don't feel that confusion or mind cloud or spaced out feeling. I'm glad that you are going to see the consultant tomorrow so they can determine if you need an adjustment in your meds or if you may need to be in the hospital for just a bit.

Don't be scared that you may never be the guy you were ever again instead realize that even though something is not right now, it can and will be right again. You are going to make it through this it hard right now, trust me I know but I believe that things will get better for you. I think you demonstrate positive qualities and you show signs of true strength.

You are not alone! I'm sending lot's a positive thoughts your way things are going to get better so you can get out there and do some gigs! I'm cheering for you.

I am praying for you. Dont give up! I felt the same way you do about a month ago. They added wellbutrin to my paxil and I am STARTING to feel like myself again. Praise the Lord! I was SERIOUSLY thinking of going into the hospital myself.

Jodi

We are all routing for you Sean, glad you are seeing the consultant tomorrow.

I've mentioned before Sean that I've been so low and depressed and out of touch/reality it was absolute torture, you just feel you will never be the same again, if someone had told me then that I could get better I would not have believed them but you can feel better.

Hopefully the consultant will think about the meds you are on, not sure what all of them are myself.

We're all here for you Sean, know that okay....please look after yourself, good luck tomorrow and I am thinking of you. hugs....

Guys you know what I have tears running down my face right now because each and every one of you has just touched me just by the fact you have taken the time out of your day to bring me comfort and that is what each one of you has done so thank you much for that.

I went to hospital last night(Wednesday)as I just felt so weird and not real and it was really scaring me, I waited four hours to be seen by a doctor who said just wait until I see the consultant so it was a waste of time. I am battling myself and my thoughts every single minute of the day and I am so tired of it. I will hopefully see the consultant in the morning. One thing I managed to do a gig tonight even though I felt weird but I got through it, I have two more this week and I hope I can keep it together.

Can I just say to each and everyone of you, that I am so sorry that I have not been there for any of you, I feel really selfish and I am sorry. Once/If I get better then I promise I will try help more people.

Your love on here really comes through and it has hit me so hard, I really wish I could meet each and every one of you and thank you personally.

Thank you so much and I pray that everyone of you are at peace.

Hi Lisa,

So nice to hear from you :)

I used to take Codeine for back pain but I started taking it for no reason other than to make me relaxed and it has become a bit of a habit. I have not had any since Wednesday morning now though because I really want my head to clear, I had been taking the Codeine for about ten years which is not good I know.

Yeah somehow I did the gig, I took a couple of Lorazapam before so maybe that helped but it also made me a bit drowsy lol ....I never saw myself as much of a fighter I guess it is a battle with anxiety and depression every single day.

Thanks for support Lisa, How are you?

Hi Seanbigshow,

I'm so happy that you managed to do a gig, I think that is wonderful news and I bet you were great! I think you should be proud of yourself, I know I'm proud of you. I know how hard it can be to do things and get motivated when we're not feeling well, so I really think you did great

I'm glad that you took the steps to go to the hospital and for you to wait for 4 hours shows just how dedicated you are to wanting to get better. I know you're tired of battling your feelings and thoughts but you are being so strong. I hope that you get to see the consultant in the morning.

Now as far as the codeine, I don't know a lot about it but it sounds like it may not be good for you. Hopefully you can talk to the doctor or consultant about it to see what might be the best way to go as far as taking the codeine or if it is causing you to feel spaced out. I'm proud of you for not having any since Wednesday I think you are doing so many things right and I think that you are going to be okay.

Please don't eel like you are being selfish we all come to this forum for support, sometimes we need more, sometimes we give more but I think the overall purpose is for someone to have somewhere to go when they need support. I've always noticed how you've asked people, how are you. Sometimes little things can brighten someone's day or make them feel better.

I'm looking forward to hearing how your appointment with the consultant goes and even more I'm looking forward to hearing about you doing more gigs!

Thanks everyone, I had to take two codeine as my whole body was so restless and I could not sleep even after taking 3mg of Lorazapam.

I am going to speak to consultant in the morning hopefully as I don't want to take these Lorazapam because they dont really do anything for me and I dont want to get addicted either.

I will be so grateful if I can get through this as then I can be a better person I hope and give more back to the world.

Wish me luck for the next two gigs please lol :)

Hope you are all okay

I would go off of the codeine first with doctor's help. Worry about the lorazopram later. It could be helping and you don't know it. One thing at a time. You don't need the codeine. But you do need to taper off. You don't seem that concerned about it, but narcotics depress us. And if you are taking it just to relax, you aren't taking it for the right reasons. Good luck going off the codeine, I think you will feel better when it is out of your system.

Hugs, Karen...

Sean:

I'm sorry your feeling this way. I've been getting advice from people on how to breathe. It's helped some. I'm not going to say it solved it, but breathing out for 3 seconds and then in again for 3 and maybe hold it for 2, helped. I also downloaded some meditation podcasts to listen to when I'm anxious. They helped me relax a little. Wishing you relaxing and calm feelings.

Hawk

I really believe getting off of the codeine will help you. I had to reduce my pain meds and I do find I can think better. I hope that it works for you.

How much is the doctor giving you? And why??? I hope you can get off of them with only a little discomfort. How long have you been taking this? Just really curious...

Congrats on the gig!!! Another one under your belt...

Hugs, Karen...

You will make it through this gig Sean. I have faith in that. You may need to get some of the over the counter codeine incase you have withdrawal effects. But I would talk to the doctor about it first...

The Prozac should be kicking in soon and the lorazapam should be helping with anxiety. If it is not, I would talk to the doc about a different benzo.

Have faith and confidence that you will make it through the gig.

Hugs, Karen...

Have you considered trying SNRIS instead of SSRIS? They affect the brain chemistry differently but are both effective for anxiety and depression. Talk to your dr about different possibilities. One may work better for you.