HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Rock Bottom

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 7/12/2014 2:31 AM (GMT 0)
I've thought I hit rock bottom before but it was not like this.
I've never been confident with myself not for one second. I had a great volleyball season this year and was hoping to play in college and had a lot of coaches come watch me at nationals. But so far I've heard nothing from them. I've struggled a lot this season with my anxiety and depression showing on the court when I made a mistake or was not playing how I WANTED myself to play. I've also never had a boyfriend. I let boys just use me for their own needs or their games which doesn't exactly help my self-esteem whatsoever. All my friends are in relationships and have been for a while. Their boyfriends are nice and all but I constantly feel like a bother when they all try to hang out together but they bring their boyfriends along as well. I recently met this guy who in my eyes is perfect in every way possible. Which is a problem in itself because I don't feel good enough for him. I like him a lot but he told me in the beginning that he wants a friend with benefits. But when we are together he acts like we are so much more than that. I think he knows that I like him but he continues to talk to me and still wants to hang out even if we wont do anything. At this point I feel more alone that ever. I have no one to talk to about this and I'm at the point where I just want to give up on everything. I don't feel smart. I don't feel pretty. I feel fat. I just can't do this anymore.

Im sorry I know this is long.
Posted 7/12/2014 3:17 AM (GMT 0)
Hi hs20,

I'm sorry that you feel more alone than every right now and have no one to talk to about this but this is a little bit of a start because you can come here and post anytime and someone will always reply.

Are you working with a counselor, because a counselor can really help a lot with low self esteem issues. I struggle with low self esteem and have since a very young age and when we have low self esteem we tend to allow others to mistreat us or even use and we deserve better but that low self esteem and depression on top of that sometimes makes us think that we don't deserve better.

Once you work on improving your self esteem and learning some good coping skills you will make better choices as far as the boys you choose to be involved with. Sometimes we attract the wrong type of people when we are feeling bad about ourselves and sometimes there are people who seek out others with low self esteem. So we have to be careful. When a boy tells you he wants a friend with benefits, he may not want to be in a relationship, he may want just the benefits without the commitment. So you have to decide what you really want and get to a point where you also know what you deserve because you deserve to have a boy who wants more from you than "benefits" but you have to believe it and feel it and want it. I think that you deserve to have whatever it is that your heart desires.

You sound smart & to me, I bet you're very pretty and not fat at all. I know it feels like you can't do this anymore but you can and I believe that you will. You will get a lot of good advice from others on here. I just wanted to give you a little support and let you know that you are not alone.
Posted 7/12/2014 9:21 AM (GMT 0)
sorry you feel this way. i think meeting other friends, without benefits would be better (heartfeltone gave you the wisdom i would have, and it is excellent wisdom). you are feeling left out, i hear ya, but as said you are smart. sometimes time can be our worst enemy and best friend. sometimes relationships are like this. take your time, be yourself, things will work out. remember my mantra on the forum and in life, ' slow and steady wins the race'.
Posted 7/12/2014 10:30 AM (GMT 0)
You are worth a lot more than you think you are. The friends with benefits things only works when both people agree that they don't want a relationship beyond that. You could get hurt in the process.

I was like you. Low self esteem, got used. Just so I could feel like somebody cared. But we are worth much more than that.

Are you going to any type of counseling? That is a good way to get your self esteem up where it should be.

Remember, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Something you might not like, maybe liked by somebody else. So hang in there, treat yourself well. You are a worthy person.

Hug, Karen...
Posted 7/12/2014 6:05 PM (GMT 0)
Hello .........

   Please do try seeing a talk psychologist if you can. It can help so much in putting most things in life into perspective!!!

   Then, it's much easier to deal with problems. It's not bad to start soon - because life is full of rock bottom times!

   A school counselor may help - but I think too often their area of expertise is in sociology. And please remember .... however you see your friends and their BF's react to each other ... is how they want you to see them react to each other. It's often not the way it really is!

Hope you hear from a coach or two.

Rob & Gizmo

 

Posted 7/12/2014 6:41 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome,

sounds like you would like to set some bounderies in your life and take control back.

In life we can not wait for things to come to us, regarding the volley ball, we have to go out and get it. Go and ask questions. Apply for teams, scholarships etc....

As for boyfriends, you really don't need a serious BF if you are planning on going to college. A BF will happen in good time, the right way. I suggest working on your self esteem first, have to like who you are before you can like anyone.

Peace
Trina
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply