I hate this feeling

Yesterday, something little happened that I could normally just blow off, even though it did upset me. But I couldn't just blow it off, and I started to feel sorry for myself, went into the bathroom to have a cry and then moped out into the living room until I fell asleep (at 7pm - I normally have insomnia). I have had depression for years, and I have been pretty good about keeping it under control, but it seems that there are more and more times lately that it really hits me.

I have a lot going on right now, and I feel like I am entering a flair for whatever is going on with me, but the depression part scares me the most. I don't want to go to a dark place. I am not there, but I have been in the past. I am feeling like a failure. I tell one of my kids who also suffers from depression that she should not go down that road - that she is not a failure, but I am finding myself doing the same thing. My self esteem is going down, and the things that I have done to make it better, I can't do (most of it involves sun exposure, and two weeks ago, I was told to stay out of the sun, unless I had the right clothes and sun protection on. I do not have the money to get new clothes (especially with SPF protection) and I am terrified to go outside with just sunscreen).

I know you all can't do anything... I am just feeling really down tonight and just wanted to get it out. :(

we are here for you. and we understand. we send healing thoughts virtual hugs and prayers to those needing some. i send healing thoughts, virtual hugs and healing prayers.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

i would agree with everyone else here -- you are definitely not a failure. The fact that you can help your daughter with her feelings of depression is really good, besides the fact that you have coped with depression for years. That takes a lot of strength.

You noted in your signature that you get migraines. I find that I get a a slump in my mood before a migraine. Also, the fact you can't get outside and enjoy the sun must be very hard.

I hope that you can find some relief this weekend - do something you really like to do (inside), or perhaps just rest.

Peace,
Hope

Hello .......

   There was no mention of anyone seeing a talk psychologist or a therapist other than a pill prescriber - either yourself or your daughter. Just as with any medical problem, one goes to see the appropriate doctor ... the same can be said of at least most types of depression.

   This just isn't something that can be stopped or changed because we want to.

   We all have issues in life. That's just life! I think what matters is how we deal with the issues .... and that nearly always needs the direction and help of a professional therapist.

   It is so helpful with a good therapist.

Best wishes

Rob & Gizmo

 

Gizzy'n me said...
Hello .......
There was no mention of anyone seeing a talk psychologist or a therapist other than a pill prescriber - either yourself or your daughter. Just as with any medical problem, one goes to see the appropriate doctor ... the same can be said of at least most types of depression.
This just isn't something that can be stopped or changed because we want to.
We all have issues in life. That's just life! I think what matters is how we deal with the issues .... and that nearly always needs the direction and help of a professional therapist.
It is so helpful with a good therapist.

Best wishes

Rob & Gizmo

Thanks. :)

We both do see psychiatrists and counseling services. When I mentioned "doctors", I was including them in on it too. The problem is that her psychiatrist is a ped psychiatrist, and she does not deal much with adult medicine. We are looking for someone who would be a good fit. Even with the right doctors and counselors, there can still be problems. If she is like me, she metabolizes medications differently than most people, so medications just might not work for her. She also needs to get into CBT, but I am dealing with an 18 year old teenager. I can bring her to a session, but I can't make her do it.

As for me, it is just life catching up with me. I have tried to remain strong but I have had no outlet - support, so it just builds. I am trying to let the [stress] come out a little at a time. I think there are times it just gets overwhelming and I just feel like !$#@! I feel okay today... just tired, but I had a sleep study last night, so I am tired from that (ironically).

BnotAfraid said...
Have you tried meditation WITH you daughter?

I have not tried meditation with her. She may or may not do it. I will bring it up to her, but imagine a teen at about 13 or 14 and how strong willed they can be. She is 18, but she is younger emotionally and socially. I am just starting to hit the teen years with her. If she decides she is not going to do something like that, fighting with her to get her to do it would be counterproductive... I do like the idea though. Like I said. I will bring it up with her. I had to laugh (in a nice way) at your screen name though, (because) you say that I should go outside (in the shade) with her - even for 5 minutes. I am afraid of the outside right now. It is weird what these strange illnesses do to you.