I had too much to drink last night. Fought with my partner passed out on the sofa from to much alcohol. Let me give you a brief synopsis how bad I am.i am 35 years old from Florida
Father abandon me at 12
Mother addicted to drugs from longest I can remember until about
10 years. Also she was in abusive relationship with other junkies and alcoholics who beat her ass and broke up our furniture?
Started experimenting with drugs....
Started smoking cigarettes because it was cool.
In and out of mental institutions. on every drug Prozac, Paxil, adderall( after abusing this drug I turned over a car my former partner was driving on the road. I grabbed the steering wheel and it flipped over, went to jail then back at the institution),
I am very smart but barely made it to college after high school and shortly I dropped out.
Few years later As a sick hobby and for spending cash and maybe acceptance of a father figure or acceptance..... was a prostitute in adult bookstores, in New York City and then craigslist in philadelphia
Today is about
7 years ago I found I was HIV positive.
I am living a mostly secretly gay relationship
Living on Social security...since my partner is wealthy I can spend my whole check on myself.
I have a secret gambling addiction (lottery and the stock market)...yea I can get addicted to just about
everything. I was on selling domain name selling and buying stuff on ebay. if someone can get addicted to it I will get addicted to it.
I have the uncanny ability to give my self diseases by just thinking, dwelling and researching about
the disease.
Today
My mom has a awesome career and a has been drug free for 8 10 years. I actually prayed to God I find someone who would save me from myself. My prayer was answered on a gay chat website.i have a partner of 8 years who is also HIV positive, his is 60.
Now I live in Florida. I went to see a doctor about
my HIV, by a grace of God..the specialist reviewed my blood work and said..."you are VERY lucky..you are what we call in the medical community a elite controller. (Basically for some reason either the HIV virus was defective or I am one of a very few people who immune symptom can fight off the replication of the virus without medicine). I live a very normal life and never took or never needed antiviral medication .
So I live very somewhat normal life. I live a upper middle class neighbor , I have all the latest clothes , electronics. I spend all my time pampering my skin with skin products, bleaching my teeth, exercising. My new obsession is having perfect credit. So I'm addicted to credit cards, luckily my addiction is only trying to get the perfect 850 score and not spending money recklessly.
After starting a home business with my (who was well off before I met him) can afford to retire at a early age.
I've lost my train of thought....anyway I'm a sexless relationship since January, I'm moving to thailand because he wants to retire there. we got in a fight early, basically my being drunk and blowing up over something so trivial.
...... On the outside all my "friends " think I "have it going on".
Nope....
Deep down inside....I am insecure, HIV positive, a drug addict, a alcoholic, often time a liar( to impress people), secret gambler, I even stole just for kicks. I feel like a failure and loser.
/rant over
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 8/2/2014 7:37:52 AM (GMT-6)