I'm depressed. Would breaking up with my boyfriend help or hurt me?

Hey everyone. Newbie here looking for some advice.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year and a half. Almost a year into our relationship, I had a personal conflict with a friend that triggered a lot of depression and anxiety and I've been trying to deal with it since. A result of trying to figure out what was going on with my feelings, and experiencing a lot of inner struggle and pain, I ended up pushing all of my friends away. Now, I have no friends and coming from a past of always having a close group of friends, my social skills have atrophied and I don't feel comfortable reconnecting with any of my past acquaintances. I graduated from college this May and with no connections, I've been really lonely and vulnerable.

Despite my own internal conflict, my boyfriend has been very supportive and loving. He has recovered from depression himself, so he understands what I'm going through to an extent, which is helpful. I've really appreciated his support especially during this weird transition-y time of my life. I've been seeing some form of counselor since my depression and anxiety began, which helps.

The problem is my depression has caused a lot of strain in our relationship, especially during my episodes. He's been very patient however, despite his best efforts to cheer me up or reason with me, I shut down, go into a downward spiral and won't consider his optimistic sounding logic. Another reason is that his friend was in part why I became depressed in the first place and is now one of my triggers, so he taken great pains to avoid talking about him to me when they hang out. I feel like this has strained him as well and I don't think it's fair to him to have to censor himself for fear that I will break down. We've also recently become long-distance (He's left for grad school) and I think that clear communication is a priority in this kind of relationship.

I really like my boyfriend, but I can't say that I'm passionately in love with him. He's everything I would want in a guy, and I can't help but feel that this depression has been dampening my interest or motivation to pursue anything in general, so I can't tell if it's him or me. I've considered every so often if we should take a break or spend time apart while I work on the issues underlying my depression, but my family has warned me that he's a very important source of support and with no friends, I don't really have anyone else to turn to. I'm currently seeing a therapist and doing CBT, and I've never taken and am not interested in medication.

Would a break help or hurt me?

Thanks for your help :)

Thanks for the advice.

My therapy is going alright. It's a good place to talk about my feelings and I've been reading books to help with my maladaptive thoughts, I just haven't been improving as quickly as I've wanted to. I understand that recovery is a process, but it's frustrating sometimes when I have periods of feeling okay, almost hopeful, and then a depressive episode comes up that cripples my efforts. It's like two steps forward, one step back.

My reason to not take medication might sound strange, but I want to teach English abroad in the next year or so. There is a generally negative impression of mental problems in the region I want to teach in (Eastern Asia), and because of that, listing anti-depressives or other psychiatric drugs on medical history forms is seen as a red-flag on the applications to teaching programs. I also don't want to feel like medicine is making me happy. I want to make myself happy through my own effort.

I don't like his friend because he did things in the past with other people that made me question his values and lose respect for him as a person. Despite his choices, he still ended up in a good place and he still enjoys the friendship of my boyfriend. I on the other had have tried my best to be respectful to others and do my best, yet I've lost a lot and am now experiencing a lot of pain. It's like he represents how the world isn't fair, and my boyfriend hanging out with him just improves his situation, so hearing about it makes me feel terrible.

My therapist has met my boyfriend, and she thinks he's very supportive as well. She has also mentioned in the past that just because a relationship doesn't have passion does not mean it's a bad relationship. I'm also still trying to figure out what I consider "passion" to be, and if that is a deal-breaker for me or if I can satisfy that want in other parts of my life.

It would be awful to break up, completely recover from depression, and discover that I actually loved him this whole time...