New and Very Unsure!

I just stumbled upon this page last night and I'm thinking it somehow wasn't by accident.

I've suffered from depression as long as I can remember, I remember being 8 years old and praying every night that I just wouldn't wake up the next morning. My entire childhood was emotional and physical abuse, later came a few years of sexual abuse. This was all just the beginning of everything I've dealt with.

I'm 33 now and I'm just so tired of dealing with it, I tried going on antidepressants approximately 10 years ago, first it was Celexa which unfortunately triggered major anxiety that I've been dealing with since, then it was Effexor which I felt made me worse and I ended up quitting it cold and haven't tried anything since.

I just recently started counselling and I'm absolutely terrified, I've only had 1 session so far (my next is actually tomorrow). I know for counselling to help you need to talk feelings and that's something I really don't know how to do, to be honest I don't even understand feelings anymore I've masked them for so long. For instance I know what it means to be angry or scared or hurt but I couldn't tell you how they feel.

I'm all alone dealing with this and I'm truly terrified and so tired.
Even just writing this is hard but I'm soo tired of going it alone

BC welcome to the forum

You are not alone, be anymeans. I suffered abuse in my childhood also. It was terrifying in the begining of therapy, however you will get through it.

My therapist had my journal whatever I was thinking so we could use that as a starting point in our sessions, I didn't have to say a thing! Just hand over the note book, he read a few pages, started asking me a few questions and before you knew it we were talking.

Be patient with your meds, takes a while for them to kick in and to find the right combo that works. Plus as you start therapy you are on a emotional roller coaster so your needs will change.

Keep posting here and let us know how you are doing.

We will listen and support you as much as we can.
Peace
Trina

Butterfly,

Welcome to the forum!!!

Hugs, Karen...