Complicated marriage not helping my depression

I met my husband at 14 years old I'm now 47. We've been married 25 years. Out of those 25 years 23 of them I've suffered from long bouts of major depression. My husband has always been supportive and helpful with my illness and I've always been able to count on him. The problem is our marriage seems like it's run it's course despite our efforts of counselling on and off over the past five years. I think what has taken it's toll on the relationship has been my illness and all the issues that have gone with it along with my past addiction problems. Also we've had a lot of financial stress family rifts that has affected me and well just life's general stresses that goes with bringing up a family of four kids who are now all grown up.

We seem to be more like friends and house buddies, gone is a healthy intimate relationship and I feel very lonely with the situation and yet he seems ok with it. We have had many open discussions on the topic and I know for absolute sure it's not because he's seeing anyone else. I think really we should probably separate but I feel too scared to leave and try and fend for myself out in the world. But I feel stuck. There's no way I could support myself with my illness and even though I don't think I'm in love with my husband anymore but I still deeply love him and find the thought of not being in his life like now very weird and the thought of that also saddens me and yet clearly I'm not happy with the situation it's just so confusing!! We have just grown apart but both of us are too tied to each other to leave. Are there others that this happens to late in their marriage??

This situation doesn't help my depression but I just don't know what to do. Sometimes I do try to initiate intimacy even just hand holding but it almost feels awkward now. How can it be after being with someone for 30 odd years that you almost become strangers with each other when it comes to affection with each other? And yes we've tried all the things you try and do like times together little breaks away together etc but it just seems the flames have gone out for good! I still feel young and vibrant and don't want the rest of my years living out like a nun lol!! What to do?? Scared to leave but my soul feels empty and lonely which just adds to my everyday struggle with my illness!

There are excercises that you can do as a couple if you want to get back to intimacy. A therapist can help you with that.

My husband and I go through long periods [years] with out intimacy, although we do hold hands, snuggle and hug kiss hello, good-bye. We also talk openly about our situation. Most caused by my trauma from childhood.

However, once people reach 45-50yrs old, sex wanes off. It may not stop, it does slow down. I know people in their 80,s who still have sex, but it is not often.

I see it as complimenting the relationship, not being the relationship. It may be harder for you since your relationship started so young and sex was most likely a focal point for years.

Sex or lack off, is not a reason to give up on a good relationship and marriage. There is so much more to loving someone.

Peace and strength
Trina