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Ever feel like throwing in the towel?

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Depression
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Posted 9/10/2014 8:20 PM (GMT 0)
I'm wondering if I am suffering depression. I'm nearly 70 and don't believe I've ever been depressed for any significant time.

Currently I'm facing a decision over whether to have prostrate surgery for an intermediate stage cancer.

This is my second encounter with cancer. I was operated on and went through chemotherapy about 7 years ago for colon cancer.

Recently I've noted that since my last bout with cancer, I've never had any real challenges which I've chosen, but rather have been doing one type of battle after another. After the cancer, it was a lengthy battle with government bureaucracies (which I won), then about a year with vision problems ending up with cataract surgery which has left me with a frustratingly diminished visual capacity.

I have a perpetual dizzy state apparently caused by inner ear nerve damage which is untreatable but limits my physical activity and I also have a restricted range of motion in my neck that also makes many activities difficult.

In the last few months I've noticed that in the mornings I seldom feel like I want to get out of bed, and also find that two or three times in the day I fall asleep or feel like taking a nap.

As I look as my prospects for dealing with my current cancer, I find the question which frequently enters my mind is "What's the use? When I beat this what do I want to go on living for?"

Because of my vision problems my only enjoyable activity is reading, but when I do that it is uncomfortable because of my limited neck movement and I often find myself driving off to sleep.
Because of my limited vision, neck problems and dizziness there are no other activities I feel inclined to undertake and frankly I can't think of any I'd be interested in pursuing.

Am I "depressed"? Can anyone suggest any way out of this?

Ideas will be appreciated

Jack
Posted 9/10/2014 9:00 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Jack,

By any chance to you take narcotic pain relievers? They often make us sleepy and morphine makes me depressed. I worry you said you drive off to sleep, do you mean driving a vehicle?

Have you talked to your doctor about depression? Often there are support groups for cancer sufferers, do you go to any support groups?

I would definitely talk to the doctor about how you feel. You could maybe even get something to fight the sleepiness you are experiencing.

Keep posting, know that we care.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 9/10/2014 10:28 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Jack,

WELCOME...You've found a good place to sit down and stay awhile.  There are folks here who help each other through pretty much anything.  IMO you are suffering from situational depression.  I'm certainly no doctor, but it is what it implies.  You are suffering from several health stressors, which I certainly understand.  It seems as though you are running a race, but new hurdles keep appearing.  It's okay if you need a break...but don't quit Jack!

At 70, you are still a relatively young man.  My older brother is approaching 70, and I certainly wouldn't want him to give up on life.  He's having some issues with a hernia and needs additional back surgery.  He has technically retired, but has remained active with referee jobs.  He's feeling down, too, as he's not being feeling too perky either.

As to whether or not to pursue additional treatment for the cancer, I'm not sure anyone can really advise.  It's such a personal decision.  I think for me, I would consider quality of life issues such as 1.)  What will the treatment be?  2.)  How will that affect my overall health? 3.)  What's the prognosis if you don't? 

Have you logged in to the Prostate Cancer forum?  Those guys are dealing with the same issues.  Maybe they can be more helpful.

Meanwhile, please know that we care.  You sound lonely and sad.  I think the PC guys might have something to offer you, too=)

Dixie

Posted 9/10/2014 10:35 PM (GMT 0)
P.S. Yes, I've wanted to "throw in the towel" no doubt...along with the soapy water...and then kick the crap out of that wash bucket. I think most of us have...some even today, in the last hour. Think of those who love you. Find the strength to love yourself (still working on that one) Seek encouragement as you have done through this forum. Some days I live for my dogs...Dalmatians...God must have a sense of humor when he made those speckled pups...what an anti-depressant.

HUGS to let you know I care=)

Dixie
Posted 9/10/2014 10:36 PM (GMT 0)
So sorry Jack that you are going through all of this, as Karen mentioned I would talk to your doctor, if you never suffered with depression through out your life, then I would think it is just your circumstances, and feeling like every thing you enjoy you can no longer do.

You have the right attitude when you say "when I beat this", that is positive in your fight against cancer, and because you already have battled it once, I hope all goes well for you.

I think Karen had some wonderful ideas, especially the support groups.

I guess when someone like me reads what you have been through, and how you are feeling, it makes me feel guilty for even being depressed which I wish wasn't so hard to control.

I'm sure there is someone in your life that needs you and wants you to keep fighting the way it seems you always have, I wish I could suggest hobbies or interesting things that you could pursue but at the moment I can't think of anything.

I do wish you the best Jack, talk to your doctor, let him know how you are feeling, he will totally understand and will work to help you find the support you need.
Posted 9/10/2014 11:43 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Karen, Dixie and Brenda for such a quick response. That, in itself, is encouraging.

I do intend to raise the issue with my doctor. I have avoided support groups in the past because I've felt that I didn't need outsiders to support me in my decisions and felt that I didn't want to focus on my problems but just get on with my life.

Somehow this situation seems to be different that what I've faced before and since I discovered this forum where I've already sought some ideas in relation to my Cancer issue, I felt it would do no harm to present my case here.

I'm not using any medication that is expected to cause drowsiness, or depression. A clarification "driving" off to sleep was a typo ... should have read "drifting." I would avoid driving if I felt that I couldn't stay awake.

Some people say at 70 I'm still young. I don't know how I feel in that respect. My first round with cancer, I had fully accepted the possibility that I might die within a few months and felt at peace with that. (My wife refused to believe it.)

Part of my present feeling comes from the thought that if the rest of my life (be it a few months or many years) is just one uneventful day after another, passing more and more of my waking hours drifting off to sleep, avoiding eating all the things that I enjoy and undergoing regimens and programs so as to prolong my life more, but not having any interest in anything in particular, and even if I do find something interesting being unable to engage in it ... what's the point?

Unless I find out what the "point" is ... this would degenerate into a condition where I'm just waiting around to die and, perhaps, even later fall even further where I start looking for ways to bring about the end as soon as possible. I hope I will never reach that extreme.
Posted 9/11/2014 12:16 AM (GMT 0)
Jack, I can totally sympathize with what you are saying, see there are days I feel the same way and a lot recently, this is how my depression works, and I understand you are going through different issues that I have not gone through, and wonder how I would face them?

You are around my fathers age, and I believe with him he is from a different era and I couldn't see him attending any support groups either, he would be the type that would just move on, or at least it would appear that he is, but would keep a lot inside. I believing talking does help.

My mother is also around the same age and doesn't suffer with depression or anxiety, she believes what ever happens will happen, she won't worry about something until she has a reason to worry, which is probably one of the the most admirable things about her, why I didn't get that genetic make up is a mystery.

If reading is something you like to do, have you ever purchased books on cd? You could still have the enjoyment of a book, but wouldn't have the issues from reading it.

You could resume eating the things you love, couldn't you? You spoke of your wife and hope she is still with you, I am certain you bring her comfort and love and she would miss you terribly.

We never know how we would feel or react if we've never dealt with the same exact issue, but I think anyone in your situation would have the same worries, and I can relate to uneventful days and it can seem like a repeat of yesterday.

I hope you can find some enjoyment in something, it's hard when we don't even know where to look for something interesting or something to stimulate us in a positive way.

I believe people that suffer with severe depression, feel some of the same ways as you do, the thoughts "what is the point" And I truly hope you will find hope and peace and never reach that extreme.
Posted 9/11/2014 1:05 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Jack and welcome to the forum. I'm not a doctor or a therapist but I'd definitely say you have situational depression. The "what's the point" is the depression "speaking", not your life or the enjoyment you've had in it. If you google depression and its symptoms, I'm sure you will relate to them.

It's understandable why. And, it's treatable! Have you considered one on one therapy? I know it may sound intimidating or flaky but just having someone professional listen and give you feedback and teach you coping skills, can be a life changing thing. Many of us take medication, some just therapy and a lot of us do both. Either of those choices are options for you.

I'm glad you're going to talk to your doctor. They see this everyday, all ages and sexes. You are not alone. Depression is a rotten, negative & isolating feeling. There is no shame in asking for help, seeing a therapist &/or taking a medication to get back on track.

My brother in law is 61 & is going through something similar. He had prostate cancer in 2009. Had treatment. He also has an auto immune disorder and has had complications with it this summer. First time in his life he's been depressed. He was getting angry in the hospital saying "what's the point?!" Sound familiar? It stinks but is so common, understandably so, but I'm telling you, you CAN & will get your spring in your step back, even facing cancer for the 2nd time, vision problem and vertigo.

Talk to doctor, consider a therapist. Doc may give you an antidepressant. If so, no shame in it. Likely many of your peers are on one if you only knew. It's not something your generation would talk about most likely. Even my generation (I'm 43), doesn't often talk about it.

Hang in there Jack-life can and will be good again!! You've found a great forum who support and care for each other.

Lisa
Posted 9/11/2014 11:08 AM (GMT 0)
me welcoming you. sending many healing thoughts your way.
Posted 9/11/2014 3:52 PM (GMT 0)
WELCOME JACK.

THIS IS MY OPINION COMING FROM A VERACIOUS READER MYSELF.

I AM LOOSING MY HEARING DO TO NERVE DAMAGE IN MY HEAD, MY VISION HAS BEGUN TO BLURR AT TIMES, NO ONE CAN CLAIM WHY. MIGRAINE, EYE DOC WHO KNOWS.

SORRY FOR THE CANCER RETURN. I WOULD GET THE SURGERY. WHY SUFFER.

THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF AUDIO BOOKS AVAILABLE NOW ON CD UNABRIDGED. MOST BOOKS WHEN THEY ARE PUBLISHED AUTOMATICLY ARE PUT ON CD.

WE COULD ALWAYS CHALLENGE OURSELVES AND LEARN BRAIL. I AM 53.

PEACE
Trina
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