Its been years of dealing with their put downs and negativity, is it any wonder im here with issues. Im sick of having such a crap mother. I have contemplated whether to cut them off or not, it seems to be that since i left home years ago and had other people in my life who were actually helpful i have gotten alot better, i thought i would still keep in contact with parents but just realise they are messed up and not let their ways affect me, but it does. All my life ive had put downs, comparisons to everyone else who is better than me, ive had a mother who shows no emotions, no spark, no warmth and it is so far from what i need.
I dont ever want to be like her, im a very passionate, sensitive yet strong person through all the crap ive endured. I want healthy people in my life, i thought it would be ok seeing them but if i have a problem they are not the people to talk to or turn to for support but now im starting to think i cant even hang out with them, because if i mention anything about
my life or desires its just put downs, yesterday i was just talking casually to my mum and said i would love to one day maybe try and live overseas for 6 months, whether or not i would be able to who knows but its a passion of mine, and she turns around and says, i dont think you can, i dont think you can (twice) and i say why not? she replies, 'your too weak'. i couldnt believe her attitude, it just disgusts me. She is not a healthy person and i think she sees anyone who shows vunerability in life to be weak, however i see it as someone who is strong because they are not afraid to show emotions, which leads to personal growth and strength, in my eyes she is weak and i feel sorry for her, too scared to show emotions, what a life experiance it must be for her! if i cant even talk about
what makes me feel alive and passionate about
things in my life, which she has no idea how to talk of such things and then makes me feel angry, worthless, what is the point.
My only concern is that if i cut them out, to do that to my son, i feel bad but what about
me and my health, they are the reasons for my every pain and worry in life. since seeing less of them i havent been so depressed and have blossomed into a better person than she will ever be.My dad is better to talk to about
life in general but he doesnt know how to be supportive, if i tell him how i feel about
something he just turns around and says, well your life wouldnt be as hard as mine and i just get on with it, everytime, im sick of it. in my heart i want to be rid of them. and find people who will encourage me in life and have faith in me even when i dont have faith in myself.
If my son came to me and said the same thing to me but i thought perhaps for whatever reason he wouldnt be able to do it, i would say, thats great son, you never know what you can do or cant do until you do it. Follow your passions in life for it will keep you feeling alive and if you try and fail at least you have tried. Iam the mother i only wish i had. I wish i had a female role model in my life, ive never had guidance, i just wish one day it will come to me. Im sorry, i just really had to vent out.
Post Edited By Moderator (BnotAfraid) : 9/11/2014 9:59:12 AM (GMT-6)