Daily Check in Thread for All!!! #102

I think it would be okay JB. Email me and I will send it to you... I too worry about Rob...

Hugs, Karen...

Good morning Jamie!!!

LOL Jamie...

Have a good night I mean!!!

Hugs, Karen...

I sent it off to you Alice, I hope you get it. Please let me know if you do...

Hugs, Karen...

Sorry for my absence. I haven't meant to worry anyone. I've been deeply depressed and my normal coping strategies are failing me. I haven't given up on anything but I'm in a spot where I am no longer feeling any hope of anything improving. I haven't been posting because I am isolating and because I don't want to inflict myself upon others that have problems of their own.

I haven't completely isolated. I did begin seeing a new therapist but still can't get anywhere with medicaid. They are still saying I can only have 3 medications month. Unfortunately, several of my meds are more important to my ability to live than my antidepressant. I also tried to reach out to people supposedly close to me. Mostly, I got a lot of silence in return.

To call my present living situation unstable is putting it lightly. I made choices financially that I may have done differently if I had known I'd be in need of new living arrangements. My current landlord is not willing to take half the rent on the first and the second half the third week of october so I have until the first to vacate. I had decided to pay off some debts I had, again not knowing things were about to change. So, I don't have anywhere near the resources needed to relocate. I'm doing all I can think of but no resolution has come up yet. I did have to finally cave and rehome my cats. They are living with my ex at his new home. I miss them, a lot.

There have been some more health complications. I haven't had the energy to really think about them at this point. Keeping a roof for my kids has eaten up my resources. The health things are serious and will need attention soon. I'm just not ready to consider the consequences.

I have felt very out of control. Thats not a good sensation for me. The ex has been very secretive about his moving plans and that has left me very uninformed and unable to prepare. He's had me in this position for weeks now. At times, I feel like he manipulates me because he knows I still love him. I can't seem to resist helping him. All of this added up to an event that has really been hard for me. After denying all day that anyone was coming to help him move things to his new home he showed up here with 2 strangers. To help him move. I'd been to therapy that day, dredging up old memories that I hate reliving. I had come home and put on my pajamas and just wanted to relax in quiet. Upon seeing him and his movers arrive I just lost it. I stood, threw the notebook that I had been journaling in at his head and rushed to lock myself in the bedroom. I immediately felt guilty and panicked. My ptsd is fueled by anger and I had just really set it off. I apologized. Now, even a week later, I am being plagued with horrible dreams about the abuse I suffered as a child. Its complete memories of things that I have tried hard to forget. They are so intense that I often wake feeling the injuries as they were inflicted back then. I'm afraid to sleep. I don't want to remember those things.

To say I'm depressed and stressed is to put it mildly. Its been a good diet plan for me. I'm down 15 lbs since the first. I can't stop my mind from searching out all negative outcomes that may await me. Its all made me very poor company. I didn't want a pity party or to make anyone worry. That's why I've been quiet. I'm kind of a sucky friend when I'm depressed.

just know that we are here for you av. i am sending you many healing thoughts of light and healing energy your way. i am sorry about your place, the cats and everything all happening. i hope your medical situation stabilizes. yeah i am one of them.......a worrier. i am glad you posted to let us know how you are. we care.

Good morning all!!!

Thunderstorms here today so I may not be on much... I hope everybody has a good day. Myself, I am glad you are feeling hopeful... I wish that for everybody!!!

Hugs, Karen...

Hello all..

Been having to do a lot of catch up reading ... Still catchin up.

Summer is almost over and been busier than a one armed paper hanger just keeping this 5 acre place up.

My partner had to have three stents put in ..one in each leg in the main artery & the tummy.

It was really scary he was swollen up like a balloon all of a sudden.
He has Atherosclerosis plaque blocked his arteries it runs in his family. Been taken care of him and my sis came down to help.

I just don't know what I'd do without my Jim....we've been married 35 yrs. this stuff is way to much I get so worried I make myself sick.. I will get a grip here soon..supposed to go in THR revision in Oct.

Summer has flown by and fall is near. I hope the forest fires here calm down soon. One is only 45 miles from us. Ten yrs ago I had to get the (5)dogs & (3)horses out by myself my took them to a large animal hospital 35 mile drive. I hear the Haggs Lake fire is 20% contained and rain in a few days, so hopefully we will be in the clear. Cause I just don't have the energy to evacuate again.


Summer is almost over ... Fall is in a few days. The berries are still holding on the vines. Gardens are rolling up!

Hope u all have a good evening

hey chotti. sending healing thoughts your way.

me, bad night. very bad. neck is so sore it aint funny. done showers heat gel and stretches. no sleep, expletive water work issues. it is during the day as well now. every half an hour or so. had a god skype with my lady last night. that alway makes me feel better. just need sleep. not going to happen -sadly. keeping as strong as possible. take care my friends.

thanks mate. U2.

I went over to the other forum that Rob is on and have learned that he went into the hospital on the 14th but no one has heard from him since. He wrote that he may be in a week or more but was not sure. He took Gizmo to the vet that also boards and his neighbor took him to the hospital. This is all I know but I wanted to pass this on for anyone that may not know.

KAMIE- YOU ARE WELCOME. I HOPE YOU HAD AN AWESOME WALK. IF MY FOOT FELT BETTER I KNOW I WOULD BE WALKING MORE. STUPID FRACTURE.

no probs!!!! hope that foot gets better asap.

s.y.l.