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Feeling Useless and Worthless to everyone

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Posted 9/18/2014 7:33 PM (GMT 0)
Hello forum!
I am new to this site. Please forgive me! But I am a 52 year-old male,
I recently moved back to my Mom and Dads house due to a very abusive
relationship. My depression started manifesting within the last 4 years.
I lost my job last Sept. 2013, my ex- girlfriend is 35 years old and a alcoholic, her son is very mouthy 13 year old, who learned to lie and argue from his mother.
I truly loved them and thought we would be a family forever. I provided
a house for the 3 of us, I paid the rent, bills, etc for over 3 1/2 years.
I quit drinking almost 2 years ago. I was verbally abused, and physically
abused by my ex only when she was drunk. Her upbringing and my
upbringing are 2 complete different things. I was brought up in a very
loving, caring, supportive environment. She was brought up by alcoholics
Her Mother is a mouthy alcoholic, her Father is the abusive parent.
I never thought I would find myself loosing everything I worked for.
My depression has progressively gotten worse. I just found out that
I dont meet the criteria for Medi-Cal in Calif. I dont know what else to do.
I feel like a burden to my parents and its not fair to them. This all is
increasing my depression. I do sometimes wish I was non existent to
everyone. I'm reaching out to someone for help l. Can someone
please help me??????
Posted 9/18/2014 7:59 PM (GMT 0)
dp, welcome to the forum.

So sorry you were in such an abusive relationship. Know that the best thing you could have done for yourself is leave.

You are not worthless, this is just an emotion, it is not true. You can not meet expectations with an insane system.

I am sure soon you will be able to help you parents. Start by doing things around the house, instead of just sitting around. There is a saying. " Move the muscles and the mind will follow"

If there is a free clinic around you I would look into therapy. Better yet, if you are so inclinded, pastorial counseling would be very helpful.

A depression support group can be very helpful. I have been attending one for 2 years now and find it very supportive, knowing there are people feeling emotions and going through the same things as I am.

Know you are not alone, keep posting here. review our Depression Resource thread at the top of the forum. 4 pages of help, links and books.

Peace and strength
Trina
Posted 9/18/2014 8:37 PM (GMT 0)
Hi dp and welcome to the forum.

Trina is right, you are not worthless. I am glad that relationship ended. You were treated very badly. Nobody deserves that. I hope your ex works on herself and gets better. Violence is not the answer and neither is abuse.

Do look into some free help. Trina gave you some good suggestions. And also, you aren't alone when you are here. We all can understand what you are going through.

I hope that things get better soon. One day at a time...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 9/18/2014 8:48 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks to all who replied. It is very difficult in trying to get some help through Social Services. Like I said I just found out I dont meet the criteria for Medi-Cal. I dont have any where else to turn for psychiatric help. I am doing things around my parents house to feel needed. But that only can go so far in side lining my depression. I do have good days and I do have my bad days. Such as today is one of my worst days. I am trying to keep a positive mindset but as I said it is difficult.
Posted 9/18/2014 10:00 PM (GMT 0)
Look for mental health facilities with a "sliding scale". Often they will go by your income. They will sometimes drop their prices according to what you make.

Support groups help too.

On the depression resources thread there are sites you can visit that may help you. Such as mindfulness.org and moodgym.

I hope you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 9/18/2014 10:08 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Karen! I will look into thise sites.
Posted 9/18/2014 10:17 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome DP=)  You've received some good suggestions, so I won't repeat.  I just want you to know that you've found a good place here with people who care.  I'm new and learning to navigate, but have found such comfort here that I wanted to pay it forward.

You are battling depression on many fronts.  The good news is that you have "reasons" for your depression, which will make it much easier to treat professionally.  PLEASE continue to seek talk therapy.  Do you have a pastor?  You don't have to be affiliated with a church.  Just make some calls and ask for help.  They will not turn you away.

It's good medicine for you to keep busy helping out your parents.  You are not useless.  You are not worthless.  You are sad and heartbroken.  Take it from the human "Humpty Dumpty"...you can get it back together again.  We're here for you.

~~Dixie

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