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Posted 9/23/2014 2:40 PM (GMT 0)
I've felt so down for a really long time and I feel like I can't talk to anyone I know about it because I don't like being vulnerable and I don't want people to worry about me. I really feel like I don't even want to be alive anymore. I just feel like nothing I do will make things better.
Posted 9/23/2014 4:05 PM (GMT 0)
Things will get better Darko123, It takes time and work. Do you see a therapist or a psychiatrist? They really can help. Don't feel alone, there are many here going through the same as you or have been. It is hard to talk about ourselves. We do feel vulnerable. But know that here, we understand how you feel.

keep trying, keep posting.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 9/23/2014 5:20 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome to the forum Dark.

Know you are not alone and that this feeling will end.

We have Depression Resource thread at the top of the forum.

I strongly suggest you review it, 4 pages of numbers, links and books that will be very useful for you. I urge you to call one of the numbers and talk to someone, they are peers who have been where you are.

Keep posting here we will support and listen the best we can
Peace and strength
Trina
Posted 9/23/2014 5:27 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you, I haven't seen a therapist but I've been thinking that that's might be the right decision for me. Thank you for making me feel less alone.
Posted 9/23/2014 6:07 PM (GMT 0)
Good plan,,
Posted 9/23/2014 6:25 PM (GMT 0)
Hello D...You are NEVER ALONE here...Someone's always listening and most can relate to EXACTLY where you are.  I know I can.  I don't have answers, just ways that I've learned to somewhat "cope" with the sadness.  One of them is certainly a therapist (psychologist).  Please find one sooner rather than later.  You will be amazed at how much it helps to purge your feelings.

Hugs~~Dixie

Posted 9/23/2014 6:34 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Dixie6 I hope that therapy will help me to figure my problems out :)
Posted 9/23/2014 6:48 PM (GMT 0)
I have NO DOUBT that you will feel better having a confidant that understands you.  Most of all, mine has been so helpful in "showing" me a different way of viewing things.  I'm an "all or nothing" person, so I have a hard time accepting anything "in between".  I'm in a deep dark place right now, dealing with extensive health problems, including shingles in my eye.  Believe me, this challenges my will to go on. 

I saw a movie once with a discussion that I often visualize.  A wise "Indian chief" was explaining that their belief is that within every man lies a "white dog of light and goodness" and a "black dog of dark and evil".  He said they are constantly struggling within us.  When asked "which one wins?", he replied "the one we feed the most". Indeed.  I use that thought when struggling with this darkness (black dog).  I try not to "feed" it, but it still has a vicious bite!

Hugs~~Dixie

Posted 9/23/2014 9:29 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you, I think you're right and once I have someone to confide in I will feel more at ease. I'm sorry to hear about your issues, it sounds like you're having a tough time. I can't imagine how your health problems must be adding to other personal issues. I hope you can overcome this and be a better person for it. I think I'll definitely remember that story about the 2 dogs inside all of us and be sure to try and feed the good one. Thank you again for all of your advice it is comforting knowing that people understand.
Posted 9/23/2014 10:06 PM (GMT 0)
Hey D...See, you can just be HAPPY you aren't me! smhair

I survive with a dark sense of humor. If I couldn't laugh at myself, I wouldn't survive!  I've joked that I should take this "act" on the road. Pull all of my skeletons out of the closet and teach those dudes to dance!

Indeed, I have been dealt a tough hand with my health that has affected every fiber of my being. I was unable to conceive.  I was unable to achieve my personal and professional goals.  It's TMI, but I can't even "achieve" a normal BM (sometimes up to 11 days)  I threw a fit, cursed, and cried out to God..."What else can happen?"  I broke out in the shingles virus in my face and eye. There's my answer! (insert nervous giggle)  I do not have a day that I am not in pain, whether moderate or severe.

I am an extremely visual person.  Therefore the black/white dog scenario helps me most of all.  I can quickly identify which one I'm feeding. I joke with my husband about giving the black dog a raw hide, so he's steady gnawing=) I must admit, sometimes the jack holes around me FEED my "black dog". 

Believe me...I feed and fluff the "white dog" through my service to others, even when I cannot help myself.  I try to get outside of the darkness and bring light and joy to the elderly and less fortunate.  I call them my "senior peeps" at my mom's nursing home.

Some days the only thing positive I can tell myself is "This can ALWAYS be worse".  The shingles in my eye have proven that! 

PLEASE seek some counseling to help you through this.  I am not qualified, but I can be here for you=)

Hugs~~Dixie 

 

Posted 9/23/2014 10:15 PM (GMT 0)
I often use humour as well to deal with my issues, it helps me to lighten up about my situation sometimes and it makese feel less uncomfortable about my issues. It's a shame that you have all of those health issues on top of your emotional ones. However I can tell that you are a very strong person to be coping so well. I can see why helping others can be a boost, I enjoy visiting my grandmother at her sheltered housing and just spending time talking and laughing with her, it can be therapeutic. I am going to call about getting myself some counselling because I believe that might be a good outlet for me. Thank you, I'm glad to know I have you to talk to and I am happy to extend that same courtesy to you of you ever need to talk :)
Posted 9/24/2014 4:55 PM (GMT 0)
Dixie,

I love the Indian Lure of White/Black dogs. So true. Applies to mindfulness if one thinks about it.

Dark, therapy is a good thing, work on this soon. Ask about coping skills to get you through the rough times. They do end, trust me.
These are just emotions. Emotions can not hurt you.

Journaling is one of my go to coping skills, then I take the journal to my therapy session for a starting point of discussion if needed.

Peace and strength to both of you.
Trina
Posted 9/24/2014 5:03 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for all the support.
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