D. Pression

Hi, My name is Julie.
I suffer on and off with depression for as long as I can remember. At the time of my writing this post I am happy to say I feel great. The sun is shining again. I have though just come through a dark cloud of depression and while in that place I wrote how I felt.
I did not write this to make others feel down or even for sympathy. I felt I would just like to express how some of us can feel when depression comes to visit. I feel I am another person entirely, like I have lost control of myself when under its influence and it felt good to put that in writing.. My own family have not even read this.


An old friend came to visit today.
I hate it when she comes, always uninvited, always without prior notice.
She brings with her hurt and sadness.
She brings bad memories up when I wish to forget.
She reminds me of my failings when I try to achieve.
When I want to be happy she draws from the day sadness.
You see. She bullies me. Abuses me.
When I have chatted happily with people during the day, in the evening she reminds me how stupid I must have seemed.
"Other people don't act like you." "You must be odd" she will say.
I hate her presence.
Mostly when darkness comes, she makes me fear the dark as I did when a child, makes me worry and cry about things that have not happened and may never happen.
Her imagination is vivid and she puts her thoughts into my head and takes away my peace.
She is dark and cold, void of sunlight, this is how she makes me feel too.
Tell her not to come again I hear you say.
Each time she calls I try with all my strength to make her move on. She will go only when SHE is ready and not when I bid it.
I have moved house, job, interests to allude her yet, like a hound chasing a fox she tracks me down, as if her whole purpose is to take over my life and steer me were she wants to go.
I love life, sunshine, laughter, joy, but, "that is not for you" she will say for I am here to stay and whilst I am here you will see to MY needs as you would a guest.
How do I rid myself of her?
What do I have to do to alleviate the pain she brings me?
"You are ugly." " You must hate yourself." " How could you not when you look like that." she will say.
"You laugh too loud." "You blurt out things." "You talk too much."
"You are alright in small doses but when people get to know you they cant stand to be around you."
"Your thick." "Your useless."
Help me please I have to be rid of her.
My mind is full of HER.
I'm losing myself.

I wanted to sign this letter but she said NO.
She erased my name and signed her own.

D. PRESSION

Welcome to the forum Julie,

You did hit it spot on!

CBT therapy helps us during this dark times to battle that old nasty self that listened to people in our lives that made us feel that way.

I know I still battle negative thought processes all the time.

below I have listed some links for you to check out. If see a therapist and are NOT doing this CBT, I suggest you ask out it.

www.webmd.com/depression/guide/cognitive-behavioral-therapy-for-depression

cbt-examples.com/

www.steadyhealth.com/articles/Examples_of_Cognitive_Therapy_Exercises_a501.html

I hope some of this helps you.

Keep posting we would like to know how you continue to progress.
Peace
Trina

Thank you all for your encouraging comments. I must admit I was nervous, I haven't ever said these things out loud in as many words but it felt good to do so. Thank you also for the helpful links, I will check them out.