My Therapy

Brenda,
For this reason i somehow never like therapy and can't think of telling stranger my horror stories.I am a very very pvt person and to divulge so many details in therapy and talking about it gives me panic and anxiety thats why i dread to even start .

Talking is thought to be best for underlying emotions and problems so counselling is thought to be healing and looking at yourself and others related to you in process.

I can understand how much "turmoil"in emotions you are going through and thats difficult .
Try to enjoy this new peace you have got.

Take it slow and i know its not easy and will take practice and time for you to heal as someone you love with all your heart if not near you or emotionally gone is very awkward.

READ A BOOK CALLED -Codependent Nomore by Melody Beattie -eading this book is so healing and life changer for me so i am asking you to please read it.

You will realize and enjoy your new freedom though it came at a price.

I am looking for therapy but very skeptical.

Lets see how i find it and will keep you posted.

Good luck !

Brenda- get your behind to the library and get that book!

Talk to your therapist next week about your feelings/fears that are bubbling up. They can help you process this! They won't know if you don't tell them though.

It definitely can be painful & leave you feeling gross after dredging up the muck. But it NEEDS to come out. It's weighing your spirit down and stuffing it away hasn't helped, probably made things worse so get it out. It will be healing even if you don't feel it at first.

Your therapist sounds intelligent & wise to me. Stick with it and don't be afraid to tell them about how it's dredging up pain & they can advise you how to deal with that.

Sending much love-
Lisa

My therapist is very wise, it's as if she knows me more than I know myself, I am a very codependent person, so the book would probably help me greatly.

Growing up there was drama and havoc, so I believe this just became the norm for me, so I very easily let others use me, take advantage of me and degrade me, as if I deserved it in some odd way.

I woke up this morning with a panic attack on a scale from 1-10 it would be a 15, I SO hate having to take 2 mgs of xanax almost the moment my feet hit the ground, but all I could think of is my daughter and how it SO hurts to have to be away from her, my therapist said I will go through the normal emotions, at first I was angry with her but would not let her know how angry I was, then for the past two weeks I have been incredibly depressed, now the bargaining process is trying to enter in, and there is no bargaining at this point with her.

How do you say basically goodbye to someone you love SO dearly! My daughter would throw up in my face that her friends parents would never do this, but as my therapist said I am not her friends parents, and I don't have to accept her behavior, and who cares what she is telling others about me, I have to do this for me and my goodness it is intense and almost traumatizing for me, so maybe that is why I am so panicky this morning.

Karen she is not living with me, thankfully she has been out since my son called the police on her when she trapped me in my room. My therapist said to not even take a phone call from her, and I told her how she has called me and said she was OD'ing, so I called to police to do a wellness check on her, when the police got to her apartment(at the time she had one)she played off like she was sober, told them I made it up and lied on her, the police called me back and said I could be arrested for making a false claim, I began crying and said "are you serious? She just called me said she thought she was having an overdose, I call for help for her, and you threaten to arrest me?" Long story short they said they weren't arresting me, my daughter called me back after they left and said "I'm sorry I had to lie on you, but they would have arrested me"....so my therapists point on this is if she has the state of mind to call me because she is in dire straits, she can call 911 for help, there is nothing I can do.

I am prescribed 2mg of xanax as needed up to two times a day, and I usually will not take 2mg unless it is a bad attack like today, and yes I am very tired and have to go lay down. I have been trying to taper off of them because I don't want to take that dose, but it may take time, but typically I will take 1mg tops, and sometimes at night I will take 1 mg or .5 depending on the night.

You're right Karen, there is no excuse for her behavior, I have done nothing but try to help her, probably tried too much, and even though she is my own child, I can't allow her to control me with her addiction and hope that one day, if she ever hits rock bottom that she will get the help she so badly needs, then and only then can we try to build a relationship that is surrounded by positive, and not negative.

Brenda, I can not say anything more than what the others have stated.

Stay strong, know you are doing the right things for you. It takes times, is not easy, buy oh so worth the effort.

Peace and comfort
Trina

Thank you everyone, this has been one of my roughest days I will have to admit. I laid down today after taking the xanax, slept until a few minutes ago and feel like crap, my entire body aches, this is starting to concern me, a few weeks ago I went through a similar situation when I started my period and I was sick for two weeks, just my entire body aching, felt like I was running a temperature, but when I checked it it was only 95.7.

I won't even check my temperature right now, although when looking up low body temperatures it can be attributed to panic and anxiety, which I've never heard of before.

I've always ran a lower temperature than the average temp, mine is normal 97.5 or whatever, I've heard of fevers making you achy, but never heard of low temperatures causing problems.

I did get my thyroid checked last year and have put off my blood work for months now, one was the Insurance issue, but the other is fear.