update.

so after my frantic calls, one to my fiance, who got back to me, was lovely seeing her again, then and hour later my shrink calls. i am all over the shop, he was his usual controlled self. i was giving him the jjist, he was like banging on about coping skills via a psychologist and that we can arrange................i said you know where you can stick your cbt, and i said i have been using stop and cognitive calming self talk. i laid out the sleep fears, the dark fears, the anxieties and the panic. i think he got the message. i was pretty erratic, tired and all errrrrrrrr. so long story short. some mirtazapine at night. this will help induce some calm sleepines. i have used it before for sleep, so this should help. he will give me a daily metered dose of valium for a few weeks, so he says until the mittazapine kicks in. most of the anxiety and panic is at dark time when everything gets quiet. since he is going over seas i cam't go and see him, although he has sent a communique to my gp for him to give me the scripts. i did tell him that my gp does not prescribe benzos, i said to my shrink to add to the communique that i have notified you of this and to stipulate that he is unable to give me a script. he said he would write something.

so now i am in a bit of a state about this, as i know my gp will point at his no benzo drugs of addiction sighns and tell me off. i will explain the situation. i was able to make an appt for tomorrow afternon. late, hence i will miss my chemist for the meds. oh well. i rang my therapist to reschedule my december appt to next week, that was nice of them. i said i am not coping. my therapist and i will work through stuff. we always do.it's just irrational bs. even my shrink said are you irrational??? like does a bear.............
going out early to the hospital pharmacy to pick up the lamictal then later of to the gp. i will get my blood and urine results. this will ease my mind. hope they are okay as i have been having masive anxiety / panic about these.

well i have rattled on enough. thx for listening and being there for me. i love you guys.

know more tomorrow. trying to keep calm at the moment. cheers.

I am praying for you Jamie, if that is you want me to. Otherwise healing vibes go out to ya. Take care of our Turtle we are all here for you.

thx guys. all prayers are welcome!!

ok, long day. sun has gone down, it is hot as well. thx to my sis i have been to the hospital pharmacy and p/u the lamictal. later on i seen my gp. it was a long appt. had a conference with shrink and i on the phone. doc joked that he has my arm up my back and that i am starting to give in; i swore and said i'll try the expletive psychologist!! shrink and dr agree with the mirtazapine and a 1 month supply of valium to be taken prn. i mean i can only p/u a certain qty every 3 days. did not make the chemist as we did a new mental health plan. i guess i will ring the psychologist next week.

blood results. all good. well haemoglobin still a tad down and some anaemia was highlighted. low haemoglobin is usually indicative of chronic disease. don't start freaking jamie. iron levels coming up, this is good. vit d is a little down. ps. vit d capsules are not all that good. second time i have been on them. the best ones as well and they have only marginly raised my levels. more sun is the go. got some today. hot. still is, even though the suun has gone down. all windows open. shut doors as itchy bugs were getting in.

slept a little last night. anxiety was better. had to get up and pee a few times, but that was okay. i did feel better after a couple hours of straight deep sleep. dr has requested a foecal exam. he is thinking and wants to rule out bowel cancer/polops. i am not freaking yet, am being calm. i have no prn meds thus just take it easy. blood results, numbers are algerbra for dr's i guess, i can see the ranges, but they know the indicators and he has written it down 'bowel cancer, polops' with a question mark. endoscopy question mark. me, a big expletive question mark!!!!!!!!!

well i am tired. i hope the lady aint late tonight. i might go lay down for a few minutes. have a great day everyone. remember, 'slow and steady wins the race'. now practice what ya preach and be a good boy!! lol. too many errors with spelling i think. some slang used as well. be good. see ya soon. thx for your support my dear friends.

thx mate. have a good w/e charmy!!!!!!!!!!!!

cheers kgb!!!!!!!!!! your not a russian spy are you????? lol