Thank you everyone for your replies, it just has been such a rough few months.
As far as my coping skills even though I have been in therapy a few months, I really haven't learned any other than "looking at a tree, realizing the tree is green, focusing on the tree..." this kind of method, which could be very useful I'm sure but to me it's just a tree, maybe if the tree could remove itself from the ground and whack me in the head a couple of times I would snap out of it
Trina that is really an awesome awesome idea, that I will try for sure.
Chelel-I know that is a huge factor as well, I guess because I thought I was doing the right thing by not missing my appointment, it just was horrible, I keep replaying those 4 1/2 hours in my mind, and how I felt like I was jumping out of my skin, it's as if it was just a horrible nightmare and I will wake from it soon, but I know it's not and it's reality, it happened and I feel traumatized.
My mother even noticed I am not the same, she could tell something is wrong with me, I usually can put on a good front but apparently that day I couldn't.
Hawkeye-thank you for your kind words, they do mean a lot!
Karen-thank you as always you are a huge support to the group.