Posted Yesterday 4:49 PM (GMT 0)
hi everyone
this is my first post, i will apologise in advance as this is an issue spanning about 10 years so its a long story.
ok so from the beginning. im in love thats the basis of it really. my best friend "Don" and i have been best friends since i was 5 (currently 28), ok so "Don" has a sister "claire" who again i know since i was 5. i have fancied her since i was old enough to think about women that way. as she got older we began hanging out and getting closer i found my feelings for her only growing stronger. and when she was 16 me being 19 i decided to tell her. i have never forgotten that day and i never will. we where standing on the corner of the road she was sitting on the wall and i decided i would take the leap of faith and see how things went. needless to say it didnt go well.... it felt so good to tell her and my heart lifted for a moment as she took in what i was saying, then came the crashing blow of "iv started seeing someone" and low and behold it was someone i despised.
the hurt i felt. i have never felt since i swear it was like getting stabbed in the chest like real physical pain (which i have to say, i never knew such a blow could cause physical pain). from there we kinda grew apart still good friends but things had changed. i moved away a few years later to another country and remained there for a year and a half. upon return i was surprised to find out how much she actually missed me to the point she was in tears and next time i was to take her with me. things for me hadn't changed i still thought she was my dream girl. so we started hanging out again, she went through 2 bad relationships, and has been single maybe 3 years now. again we where meeting and hanging out going for drives and such. in the last year things have changed but im not sure if its for the better, between problems at home and at work there have been a few nights where i had to go get her im talking 3-5AM, we would go for drives or even just sit in the car and talk. im currently living in a house with my best friends, one of the guys lost his job and was forced to move out. "claire" has since moved in and now where living together, i see her everyday, we have private chats while others are out of the room and we are really getting close. my feelings for her have not changed if anything they have grown stronger. shes the last thing i think about at night and the first thing in the morning, last night we (4 of us) were watching a scary movie she sat beside me and hid in my shoulder when something frightened her. im not going to lie it felt great, it still does. in the chats we have she tells me that shes lonely. and in mid conversation she has said "like where not kids anymore" she talks about guys in generalities expecting her to do all the work when really she just wants to be asked out(her words not mine). she has met a guy in a bar a few weeks ago and shes been txting him but it doesn't seem to b going anywhere.
when we talk about me shes always saying how much of a great guy i am and that anyone i go out with would be the luckiest girl in the world all this kinda talk. i dont know what to do... i love her more then anything i would and have done crazy things for her. should i tell her my feelings havnt changed? that there stonger? that i would do anything in this world for her? or am i destined for the dreaded friend zone forever in which case should i move out of the house and try to remove her from my life. i mean every other girl i compare to her i know its not fair on them but i cant help it. am i delusional is it all in my head? am i picking up on things that arnt there? we had breakfast this morning before work nothing special just toast and i caught her looking at me with a smile on her face when i looked up she looked away and i said "what?" she just smiled and said "ohh nothing"
im finding it increasingly difficult to hide my feelings from her, she comes out of the shower or comes down in her PJs and i swear i nearly run out of the room. i know the difference between love, lust and infatuation but honestly i have never felt this way about anyone else. i dont want to date anyone else and i always find myself thinking "would i dump u for claire?" and so far 100% of the time its a resounding HELL YES!!
im sorry im just kinda rambling now but its really starting to effect me my work my home life, i find im just sad everytime i think about her. any advice would be much appreciated as i'm at my limit. can one fall out of love? i know no one is perfect and god shes far from it but its the little flaws that i love the most u know, oh lord what am i going to do? PLEASE HELP ME!
regards
JJ