Keaz, Jan, Aubreybear, Coopsmom, Cilly & others

Nice of you to throw a line out Lisa....

Peace
Trina

I'm so glad you checked in! It's ok you're not where you want to be yet. You'll get there. I do know the frustration though.

I've been doing pretty good then last night & today, no rhyme or reason, I've had that derealization? feeling again. It's SO annoying.

I was reminded today that healing isn't linear though and it has its ups and downs. It's good to be reminded when internally, you feel ticked off by the struggle!

Stay in touch!!! We need eachother lol!!!

Hugs!
Lisa

Hi guys,

It’s been a while – I have been super busy. First of all, I got off the Lexapro (tapered over a few months and probably stopped before I should have, but I just wanted off.) I had major dizziness but not the same brain zaps that I had when getting off of brand name Lex. I have to say though, getting off of it was the closest to a nervous breakdown I’ve ever been and I’m lucky my significant other didn’t leave me during that time. It was rough. I was crying every single day, I had a bad fight with my “family” although I no longer consider them that when I saw their complete apathy at my situation. I think I can separate myself a bit without feeling guilty, which is a good thing. Been going to therapy once every two weeks.

Things are better now though. Slowly but surely. I am taking 5-HTP (400 mg a day) and it is helping tremendously. Still running and fighting an uphill battle to lose my last 15 lbs. My pup is turning 6 next week… she’s going to be a senior citizen dog. Kinda sad but she is still so cute and puppy like.

Has anyone heard from Jan? Keaz?

Thanks for thinking of me!! How are all of you guys?? They put a lot of new firewalls up at work, so I cannot visit as often as I’d like. I will try to check in more, though.

Hello,
I'm sorry I haven't checked in. Since my last time here, I've gotten off the viibryd because I could no longer tolerate the heart palpitations, so i'm on week 6 on paxil 30 mg and abilify 2mg. Also I'm down to .5 klonopin per day and slowly titrating off. I was on 1.5mg at one point.

I seem to tolerate paxil better but like viibryd and Lexapro, I get better to a certain point and then it seems to stop. I haven't had any really bad days, but I'm still not myself. Considering where I was at one point, this should make my ecstatic, and I hope i'm not being insensitive to people who are still at that place, but I want more. I want to be me again. I'm between 70 - 80% of my normal self.

I've read that major depressive episodes last around 6 months at average, and I'm on month 5, but I know they can last longer. I am counting my blessings, but at the same time I get so frustrated and impatient.

I think i'm having some withdrawal symptoms from the klonopin, so that may be why I'm feeling more down than usual.

But thank you for wondering about me. I hope everyone is doing better, I pray for a lot of people on this forum.

Hi guys. The 5htp is really helping but I have a hard time remembering to take it since I have to take it multiple times a day. But I do feel like it's helping. Especially with my sleep issues. My relationship has been pretty rough lately and I feel defeated like it's probably going to end because of my depression issues. And I feel like I hate every single job I have... Although the one I have now is the worst I've ever had. I'm going to try and break back into my old field, but I feel like I won't ever find a good job. I just feel really defeated right now. I need to work up the courage to change my life. It has so be something big to pull myself out of this 8 month funk. Have any of you been able to pull yourself out and change your life drastically? How did you do it?

Karen, I am going to counseling. Usually about twice a month because that's all I have time for. I used to be in education but I suffered from the grass is greener syndrome and now I really regret my choice to leave. Once you leave education, it's very hard to get back in. But I am very qualified. The main reason that I have not gone back yet is financial - two teachers' salaries means we would have a much harder time getting by. But I could get a 2nd job or do eBay more (which I have done for years but only here and there).

I really feel like I am losing my partner because of my depression. I'm not the same person I used to be. The only thing
I can pinpoint is my job. I'm not living to my potential there and really not helping anyone but my bosses to get wealthier. I am the type of person who must feel like they're helping others, or I just feel empty and useless. I've even thought of becoming a counselor myself, but my counselor really does not encourage that. My old coworkers from education are gung-ho for me going back but it will be tough to find a good union job. And I will probably have to do it secretly or my current workplace will jeopardize my chances.

Thanks for the encouragement. It just all feels so overwhelming.

good 2 see ya's. there are others, come say g'day.

Hi Lisa,
I just turned 38 and this is my second episode of MDD. THe first one was when I was 19 after I had my son. Unfortunately, I couldn't stand the heart palpitations anymore because no matter if I split up the dosage, they wouldn't stop. I switched to Paxil and my body seems to be handling that one much better.

At 4 weeks on Paxil, I felt hope as I started to feel about 80% of myself and started doing things I hadn't done in a long time. Then 2 weeks ago (at 4 weeks), my doctor started tapering me off the klnopin. I went from 1mg to .5 mg in 2 weeks and my depression came back. I have no idea if this is a withdrawal symptom, since it is listed as a possible one, but I feel despair and hopelessness again.

I hope you do well on Viibryd. I know it's been a good med to a lot of people. I started seeing bright spots too while I was on it, but couldn't give it a fair try.