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Posted 12/12/2014 9:37 AM (GMT 0)
I don't want to die, but I don't want to live like this.
I don't feel like there is much I can do to change my life.
I do know there are things I can do to increase quality of life to an extent but I feel my life will always be miserable the majority of the time-as this has been proven time and time again.

I have been seeking counciling but you have to call this place every morning at 8am, are put on hold, and IF you get an appointment come in that same day. Most days by the time your call is answered they are already full.

I don't want the meds, but just to talk to someone. It seems making people who are depressed, usually don't sleep at night, etc, call every single day only to be rejected most day is not the best plan to get someone mental health help...IDK.

and I really want to talk to someone who deals with Chronic Pain, but we don't have any in our area other than cancer patients therapist or end of life counciling and I don't apply to that.

Its hard when you get the courage to actually ask for help to just be turned down, over and over.
my last therapist assured me "I am not going anywhere, I am on "team Angela" etc....but he left that job with-in months and after they received my $12,000 for TMS they just dropped me.
My PCP just left, my good neuro just left, my therapist left, I can't find a good one that take my insurance, can't afford private or christian therapy.....I just feel alone and stuck.

I really do want my life to be better but I need some guidance and I can't even find that!

all they want to do is load you up with numbing meds that make you gain weight and feel even worse about yourself. nobody really wants to do the things like EMDR, DBT, EFFECTIVE cbt(most of what I have had is not real cbt) trauma therapy, etc. They just listen to you talk for an hour, take your check and you have to remind them who you are the next week.....

the physical scars I have just remind me everyday of the emotional scars and crap I've been through and I wonder how many more scars will be added over the years....(not self-harm scars, surgery, etc).

I keep typing "this life I live I live no more" and I wonder what it will end up meaning...?
Will it be this life will get better? or will it mean I live it no more, period.
I really don't want to die, but to really live, thats all.
Posted 12/12/2014 9:59 AM (GMT 0)
Hi there AngMichelle,

There is a book about cbt that I think would help you and it is cheap on Amazon... It is called "Feeling Good" or goes by another name, "New Mood Therapy". It is written by Dr. David Burns... It is an older book but a good one. I think it would help you.

I know nobody likes change, but life is full of it. We go through it over and over. Getting use to it and adapting is the best thing we can do for ourselves. Your life is going to be full of it.

Is there somewhere else you can get counseling? In the resource thread at the top of the page, there are sites and numbers to call. There are books and what not to study. There is a site called "moodgym" that is very helpful. And a mindfulness site you can check out.

Being proactive is the best thing that we can do for ourselves. Exploring other options. I hope you find some to explore. Do check out the resource thread...

I hope that you feel better soon..

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 12/12/2014 10:06 AM (GMT 0)
am sending healing thoughts your way. i did and still do dbt. it is hard work..........no bs, that is why people don't engage in it. but the results are awesome. keep strong. sorry people have dropped ya and gone. really sucks. keep posting. we care.
Posted 12/12/2014 4:15 PM (GMT 0)
Ang,

If you refuse medications they you must use coping skills.

I suggest mindfulness.

www.mindful.org

I also suggest a book, THE MINDFUL PATH TO SELF COMPASSION, by Germer, PH.D. very informative and has exercises you can keep going back to.

You can also look up DBT worksheet on the internet and work on those skills, I use them when needed and they do prevent self harm. when I have SI thoughts, they are wonderful to have in my back pocket.

As for counceling, you can try pastorial counceling. Just because a pastor or minister is talking to you, does not mean they will shove religion into it. If you are not faithful.

I wish you Peace
Trina
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