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OT:Should I mind my own business?

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Should I mind my own business or report to someone
Report - 80.0% - 4 votes
mind my own business - 20.0% - 1 votes
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Posted 1/5/2015 4:23 PM (GMT 0)
My best friend has a grown daughter with 3 kids ages 8,15,20. She is supposed to be home schooling them. She does nothing to school them. None of them can read or write. The oldest has a 3rd grade education because grandma was paying for her to go to private school but could no longer afford it. I feel really bad for these kids. They have no future. I do not understand how a parent can do that to their child. Anyway I was wondering if I should turn them into someone or mind my own business. Not even sure who I would report it to. Thanks for any replies.
Posted 1/5/2015 4:41 PM (GMT 0)
are the children ever assessed by the board of education or regulatory authority to see if they are meeting literacy / numeracy requirements, or can they be home schooled without this? it is a form of neglect, maybe the mother requires some help or assistance or to have them properly schooled. check with the board of education or regulatory body.
Posted 1/5/2015 5:08 PM (GMT 0)
Unless you are prepared for a long battle and loss of a friend, stay out of it.

It is most like she will be very offended. Where Jamie is correct in that this is a form of neglect and may even be considered abuse in some states, if you report this, you will be involved with the procedure of courts and witness statements during the process of what will be decided by the authorities.

You know what the right thing is to do, or you would not have posted this. It is up to you what you actually do.

Peace
Trina
Posted 1/5/2015 6:19 PM (GMT 0)
Myself, I would report it, It is abuse and against the law not to school your kids. You can do this all without giving your name or being involved in the case, you just tell them you want to remain anonymous.

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Fibromyalgia, COPD, Bipolar II, GAD, sleep apnea, arthralgia, insomnia, paresthesia-bilateral feet, degenerative disc disease, diastolic dysfunction, GERD, Hypertension, lumbar disc disease, urinary incontinence, Peripheral neuropathy

Post Edited (AngelLisa) : 1/5/2015 3:58:34 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/5/2015 9:29 PM (GMT 0)
I can only offer my personal experience.  My sister neglected her children throughout their lives as she put men first.  I look back now as they are 24, 34 and 37 with regret that I didn't call CPS.  I was afraid of the ramifications of "getting involved".  I also feared the kids would be taken away and placed in foster care.  My husband and I basically "raised" them on weekends into adolescence, and would have happily adopted them as our own.  My sister didn't want them.  They lived in squalled conditions and I also believe the girls were sexually abused by their dad.

By the grace of God and the kindness of teachers, pastors, and family friends...those kids grew into productive adults.  Upon graduation from college, all 3 eventually moved as far west as possible (to Oregon).  They have put as much space as possible between them and their "parents".  They have cut ties with their past, including me.  I know they resent that I didn't get them out of the HELL that my sister created.  I will always regret that.

So...My perspective is quite skewed.  If I were now aware of children being denied their basic human rights, YOU BET that I would make that anonymous call to CPS.  It's your decision, and I don't envy you one bit.

~~Dixie 

Posted 1/5/2015 10:55 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with Trina on this. I would think they would be checked. To make sure that they are learning.

Though I know you feel bad about it, you don't know what the ramifications are going to be. Maybe talk to somebody and find out. And you could lose a friend... Or create upheaval within the family...

We can't tell you what to do, it is totally up to you. This is a hard decision I am sure.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 1/5/2015 10:59 PM (GMT 0)
You can remain totally anonymous, you don't even have to give your name so no one but you and who ever you told would ever know.
Posted 1/6/2015 5:03 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you all for your replies. I believe my friend kinda wants me to report them. I asked her for their full names and address and she told me and then said "I know nothing". In other words if they are reported she will not tell them it was by me. She doesn't want to do it herself for fear of her daughter finding out and not speaking to her anymore or letting kids see or speak to her. I checked with the state board of education. The kids are only assessed by the parent who is supposed to fill out a report. It is easy falsified. If I do report them to someone it would be anonymously from a cheap prepaid phone. I am really torn about this because I do not want to see kids taken from family, but I want them to get the education they need and deserve. If they get to be adults and can not read/write or do simple math what are they going to do to survive? Thanks again for replies.
Posted 1/6/2015 8:37 AM (GMT 0)
the kids do deserve a voice. a self report is not enough for me.
Posted 1/9/2015 6:50 PM (GMT 0)
Hopefully none of it is here say, that it is matter of fact, I just know once CPS gets involved it can tear a family a part, and I think of the children would they be better off with possibly losing their mother? Typically CPS will work with a family to keep them together, I had to turn in my own daughter and her child was eventually taken away, but this is after several months of giving her a chance to straighten up, and her failing every time, not showing up to court hearings, using while in a sober living facility.

Regardless of the outcome, it is a very sad process, but I did what I needed to do for my Granddaughter she couldn't call for help on her own, My Mother ended up adopting my Granddaughter and grandson 4 years ago and she is a wonderful Mother, and Great Grandmother to them.

Our loved ones stayed in the family, would your best friend be willing to raise them if it came down to that? or would they be put in a foster home which can be horrible? These are things you have to weigh out in your mind, sorry to say this but in my opinion your best friend should be the one calling, when I called I had nothing to hide I gave them my name and everything, if a child is in a situation that they need help I would be happy that I helped them out, and my daughter knows it was me that called.
Posted 1/11/2015 2:57 AM (GMT 0)
Just want to state my opinion as an outsider. If you’re friend cannot confront her daughter about how she raise her children then maybe because she was not also good as a parent. She fears that her daughter will throw all her words back to her if she interferes. If she already acknowledged that she had a hand in why her daughter turned out that way then, she should have been more concerned on the future of her grandchildren. If she cannot report her daughter directly but wants you to do it for her then that’s the permission you need. Think about those children who will be left helpless and easy prey for other people to abuse when their parents die. If you can do it anonymously, it would be better. But if not, be prepared to face the consequences.

Listen to what your conscience tells you. Can you live with the guilt of letting something like this go on?
Posted 1/11/2015 5:36 AM (GMT 0)
I would like to add that if the mother is neglecting the children in their schooling and sending in false reports. It is also possible that there is other neglect and possible abuse going on.

So I state once again, there is a right and moral thing to do, and then there is the polictical and society accepted decision.

When you lay your head on your pillow at night and think of those children, can you sleep peacefully?

Peace and strength
Trina
Posted 1/12/2015 1:52 AM (GMT 0)
First, I would like to point out that my aunt left school in the 6th grade and my uncle was in 8th grade. She married a fine man. My uncle started his own business. School doesn't necessarily determine success. Now, with that being said, my grandson started having severe anxiety attacks upon entering the school building. The school wanted to force him to go to classes. My daughter chose to home school him. We live in a state that makes that choice very easy. The school called DYFS and the investigators found everything to be in order. Case closed. However, my daughter has done nothing to educate her son since. He isn't even getting counselling for the anxiety because he's not having episodes as he stays in his room playing video games. I've bought lesson books, made lesson plans, but she does not make him do the work. I think she figures that since she dropped out of school at age 17 herself and got her G.E.D. later and is now enrolled in college, he will do his own thing when he gets older. Who knows? It's a tough decision when there is no physical abuse involved.
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