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Missed out on life, now living in the empty past and fabricating stories

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Posted 1/11/2015 12:08 PM (GMT 0)
I'm 33, female. I had a Social Anxiety Disorder all my life, up until now. I was the girl in school who never spoke (literally), never made eye contacts, never stood up (literally from the chair), never had lunch with classmates/friends, never had friends all my life. Now, I'm going back to the empty past, back in high school and fabricating stories to satisfy me somehow. That I was cool, that I had a love life, that I had friends and was happy. And this has been going on for so many months. I spend my whole day, even my dreams at night are made up of those, my high school classmates and love interest at that time. There was this guy who wanted to ask me out, brought flowers for me for my birthday, but I didn't go to school on that day, because I was shy. Now, I look up the names of those people on facebook, and they're now serious in life, married with kids, and totally different now. But here I am, stuck in the past, with those same people. I relive and rewrite the past, but when I see them on facebook, it makes me feel all the more depressed, because they remind me of the things I've missed out on life.

Post Edited (kikaykikay) : 1/11/2015 7:39:01 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/11/2015 1:51 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Kikaykikay,

Welcome to the depression forum. You are young, too young to be worrying about past regrets. We can't change our past, so I would suggest starting anew...

I don't think fabricating stories is a good idea. Make new memories, enjoy life as it is. Honestly it has a lot to do with attitude. I live a very, very simple life and I am contented and happy with that. I know that there were things that I could of maybe done differently in my past, but I have no regrets. The past is the past so leave it there.

Learn to live in the now. Mindfulness is a good way to do that. There is a link in our depression resource thread at the top of the page. Go to it and look around and see if there is something there that could help you...

I do have to let you know that things on facebook aren't always as they appear. People don't always post the bad stuff in their lives. Plus, try to be happy for people that are doing good. That is what you would probably want people to do for you.

Take life one day at a time. Be mindful... Try to embrace the small miracles that go on each day.

I hope that things get better for you. I want to see you happy.

Life is full of opportunities, you have many years left to embrace that. Start fresh. It is a new day...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 1/11/2015 2:36 PM (GMT 0)
Karen,

Thank you very much for your reply. I deeply appreciate it. I feel heard and understood, and you took the time to write inspiring words :) Actually, I've been trying to meditate for the past few days coz I also heard that being here now is the key to happiness. I'll work on that. Thanks again!
Posted 1/11/2015 3:00 PM (GMT 0)
I found it works but it was in a weird way. In about 2002 I got fibromyalgia. I never knew when I was going to be able to do things in life because I was in so much pain and had so much fatigue. So I spent two years in bed...I couldn't make plans because I was always sick. After awhile, I had to take life one day at a time. And that actually helped me.

I meditate too. It helps a lot. At your age, if you can do the mindfulness and meditation, I think it will give you a fulfilling and peaceful life. Keep working on it. You can do it...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 1/11/2015 5:34 PM (GMT 0)
Kik,

Karen is right, Face is a fantasy land, tried and true. People become brave when there is a blank screen in front of them.

Meditation is a wonderful thing. I just purchase the small book entitled, 'How to SIT' by Thick Nhat Hanh. It is one page suggestions on meditation, tells you how to meditate, that you do not have to just sit to meditate that you can do it while walking sitting on a bus, etc... great book to keep in your purse.

I might suggest seeing a therapist. I had a terrify childhood and DID make a fantasy life that I believed until just 5 years ago. Not a good plan. You need to consider stopping this. Therapy can help you get through the bad emotions and feel good about your self.

Another good book is 'Mindful Path to Self-compassion' by Germer, M.D., Ph.D.

Peace and strength
Trina
Posted 1/11/2015 11:03 PM (GMT 0)
I think to a degree, we all fantasize of a perfect life, sometimes we fantasize about an imperfect life, but somehow in our mind we are alive in these dreams, and we are doing the things we dreamed of doing or the things we wish we could of done, or being someone else.

I've never lied about my life, I am very upfront about it, but I do fantasize an entire different life than I have, it is literally like an ongoing saga, and I have done this since I can remember. I've never talked to a therapist about this life I live in my mind, wasn't sure if anyone else lived another life out in their mind.

So I do get it, but I guess mine was a way of coping with the chaos around me, that I could have all the things I ever dreamed of, I could be the most beautiful person in the world, and have this incredible life that doesn't exist for me.
Posted 1/12/2015 2:03 AM (GMT 0)
"Don't compare your insides with someone else's outsides." was a saying I heard and took to heart. Just because other people may put on a good show for others to see, they may be more than a mess than I am! Another old saying..."Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see." I struggle with envying what others have that I do not possess. I must constantly remind myself to watch out for this tendency. Stay in today. Make a good reality for yourself. You are worth it!
Posted 1/12/2015 4:04 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks everyone for your insights and advises. It's such a great help for me right now. One more thing I've realized and is researching right now, is that my source of depression is my idleness. I have an online business, which I love and very grateful for, but this is causing me to just stay at home and it's been about 7 years since I've quit my office job. I have all the time and resources, I only need about 2 hours per day to manage the said online business. I can afford to travel and to take up whatever program interests me. But back when I was at work, or whenever I'm with other people, it's very difficult for me to enjoy and interact. All my life, I've been to so many different schools, coz I don't feel comfortable with people. I guess my underlying problem would be, Social Anxiety Disorder. I have missed out on life because of this. It feels so empty inside, knowing that I'm not a part of anyone's memories, or that I myself don't have any memories. It's like, when I look back, there's nothing. Just an empty space right there.

Post Edited (kikaykikay) : 1/11/2015 9:50:17 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/14/2015 3:03 AM (GMT 0)
that's because you believe in an inherent self. If you look deeply in meditation "you" don't exist. What joy is that ?
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