New to the forum and struggling

Hello, I am new to this forum and have never tried something like this before. I have suffered from depression for the majority of my life and been on and off meds for it too. Im currently 22 and am a college student. Depression has run in my family as both my mom and dad had it. I have always been the type of person that wants to be with friends and people in general when i am not and want to be alone when I am. As a result I have had a difficult time meeting people and putting myself out there for fear of rejection which is a major problem I have. My depression really was not that bad until my dad died when I was 18, I didnt get sad per say, I just got really mad and frustrated with the world. I would lock myself in my room, not talk to anyone and just wallow and ask why is the world continually screwing me over and what I could have possibly done to deserve this. It was very tough but with the help of family and friends I was able to never be alone and was able to pull myself out of it. From then on I was able to manage my depression relatively well until my the summer of my 21st birthday. I had oppostie schedules as all of my friends so I never saw them, I would sit in my room and go through every contact in my phone to see if someone wanted to do something to no avail. I was lucky enough to meet a girl right before my birthday in september that I dated for 4 months. We did everything together and constantly talked. It was great for the first few months. about 3 months in I sensed her starting to pull away and tried talking to her about it and she just told me there was nothing wrong. After a day and a half of not communicating she called me and pretended like nothing was wrong and i had to ask again if there was a problem, she said "i am not really sure." She broke up with me later that night on the spot. It killed me and it still kills me. This was about a month ago now and I am still devasated by it. I feel completely alone and that i have no one to talk to. This week especially as I live at home but have completely opposite schedules as my family, my brother works during the day and my mom just went on vacation for a week so I sit at home doing nothing but overthink all day. I have an appointment with a counselor this wednesday but it feels so far away. I go from completely depressed to euphoric happiness back to depressed all within 20 minutes. This is a hell I would not wish on my worst enemy.

Thank you for replying. Yes I am currently on sertraline and had my dosage upped 2 weeks ago by my doctor. I am really hoping that meeting with this therapist helps because my level of anxiousness and feeling of hopelessness is overwhelming. It is a comfort to know that there are other people out there and that I am not alone.

welcome Matt,

You are not alone, there are a lot of people your age on this forum.

Be 100% honest with your therapist, very important. If you can talk because it is uncomfortable, ask if you can journal. This will help the sessions have a starting point.

Medications are important to, especially in the beginning to get you stable. Be patient, it takes time to find what works and/or if you need a combo of meds. Ask questions and let the doc office know of any side effects. STAY away from the internet and self diagnosis. Worse move you can make.

Keep posting here, we will listen and support you.
Peace
Trina

Hi Matt, and welcome. I am glad to hear that you are on medicine. Please keep talking to your PCP. Sometimes it can take going through various meds to get the one which works best for you. Please try to get enough rest and nutrition. You are a college student,and that can also be overwhelming. Make sure you don't try to do everything all at once. Maybe at this time, it might be best to put a little less on your plate until your meds get adjusted correctly. Please keep posting. Know we are here for you.

Glad you are having a better day and glad you are open to counseling. It helps give us some direction in life. Plus support.

I hope days continue to get better for you...

Hugs, Karen...