Becoming increasingly more depressed over break up from ex

My boyfriend and I broke up in November, he suffered from depression so the relationship was challenging, but i did love him very much and saw a future with him for the first time with anyone. He was reluctant to talk about how I should help him with his illness, and as a result I didn't handle him very well when he was having a depressed episode. I'd take it personally and sulk or get mad at him and in the end it resulted in him totally shutting me out and we just couldn't make up from it.

The problem is I'm over 3 months down the line and I miss him incredibly. I've broken up from serious relationships before and this feels different. I'm literally nowhere near even beginning to move on. I think about him all day long, I try and call him all the time, i cry when i wake up, in the middle of the night, at work. I keep thinking about all the good times (even though there were also a lot of bad times) and i think about how much he said he loved me and that i was the one, and i just convince myself that he does still feel that way and that he's being stubborn.

He sometimes contacts me and will ask how I am, but when i respond and say anything like 'I miss you' or 'Please can we meet up' he shuts down again and it never goes anywhere. He's also a couple of times sent a really out of the blue sexual message, either a photo or asking me for a photo, which has upset me as we haven't seen each other for months, he's said he doesn't want to be with me...but then sends me something like that as if he thinks I'm that cheap? Then when i say no his next message will be something like 'How was your weekend?' etc.

I know people will say that if he wanted it then he'd make it happen, but because he's so depressed and his instant reaction is to shut out the people closest...perhaps I should keep trying? He started taking Sertraline on 1st Jan and said that he's felt much worse since then so perhaps I should hang on and see what happens?

I don't know how to move on. I'm reluctant to go to the doctor and get anti depressants of my own because I'm not sure if being depressed about a break up is the right reason to take them? The GP hands them out like sweets so he wouldn't give me any advice as to whether they're right for me or not. All I know is that I've never felt so low, i keep thinking there's no point in my life if i am not with the man I love and I just cannot see me getting past it :-(

When do you stop fighting for someone you love, and how do you stop? This is just too hard.

Post Edited (Stanley85) : 3/2/2015 2:49:45 AM (GMT-7)

Thanks Karen

I am trying to take all of the advice that people are giving me. I've increased my gym sessions so i'm going 5 times a week, I've started taking a language class, I've bought a new car, I have plans almost ALL of the time but none of it has even helped in the slightest. I just love him so much and i just wish he understood that I now understand his illness alot more than i did before and that I will try my best to take car of him.

I just can't get him to listen. He holds minimal contact with me which tells me that although he's said he doesn't want to be with me, he must do otherwise he wouldn't contact me. But said contact never gets to the stage of me being able to spend time with him and tell him what I want and how I feel. I wrote him a letter with all of my feelings but he just manages to pick out one bad thing that he see's a me habing a dig at him, and that's the bit he'll focus on.

I don't want to play games with him and test the 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' theory. I feel the need to message him all the time to let him know that i'm there and i still love him. But i think this makes him angry :-(

So so lost and can't see a future without him in it.

I would not answer his messages or calls anymore. It is apparant he just wants to be friends. That is something you can not do.

Be kind to yourself and strong, move on.

Therapy may be a good idea if you can not ignore his calls.

Peace and strength
Trina

Jaminhealth welcome to forum and for your insight!

If you click on "my profile" at the top of the page, it will take you there. I can't exactly remember, it has been awhile. But there is a place to put your signature and it comes up when you post. You may have to click, "add signature" when you post.

Welcome to the forum...

Hugs, Karen...

PS wisdom does come with age. I have found that out through life...

I think Ashley that the best thing to do is move on and work on you. Getting through it. If it is meant to be, he will come back. Is he depressed? Or did he just breaking up?

I think you can understand as well as anybody can. When we are depressed, we tend to blame ourselves for a lot of things. Everything looks negative. He really needs guidance through this. Why don't you look for a book on caregiving somebody depressed. Or how to be with a depressed person. I am sure that there is something out there, maybe on understanding depression. I feel maybe you have it a little from the situation. I am sure it isn't pleasant. I would get a book...

Basically, be there, but don't contact. As I know you can't anyway. But don't put your whole life on hold for him. Keep moving forward for yourself...

Hugs, Karen...

You are very welcome Ashley!!!

Hope today is a good day for you!!!

Hugs, Karen...