New here, I just need some advice

I don't admit that I have depression, because I don't think its something that people should take lightly. Just because I'm sad or have some symptoms of a depressive mood doesn't mean I am depressed. I have never admitted it, because I have always felt that sadness was a part of life, there is good and there is bad... I have always thought that until lately, now I'm really questioning everything.

A few months ago I met a guy, well technically we have known each other almost a year now, and I was never the most positive person, I tend to have a very negative outlook on life... someone with a sense of humor is something I just can't resist, and he made me laugh. I got put on depression medicine in the course of being with him. I moved in with him after knowing him six months, I was so happy that I wanted to get off the medicine, so I stopped, telling him I didn't really need it anyway... Over the course of all this I was also put on the Depo-Provera shot.

These two things combined seemed to spiral me into intense anxiety, depression, anger, sadness, worry, jealousy, with a little bit of a trust issue on the side. My life has felt chaotic ever since, but I'm actually doing well. I bought a new car, got a new well-paying job, a guy that I honestly love... but I'm ruining it all.

I get angry over the smallest things, my jealousy is terrible, my boyfriend works a night job and I get mad at him because he's not there when I want him to be, I also have anxiety staying alone at nights... I try to explain myself, tell him that I'm not trying to be this way, but I'm ruining everything. I've ruined relationships with my family, my friends, and now I'm even doing it with him. Its spiraling out of control, and I guess I just want someone who understands, and I have no one left it feels like.

I want things to get better, but I'm making everything worse. I want him to know I'm not like this, we use to have so much fun... Now he gets so angry, and all I do is cry. I've never taken my depression seriously before, but I don't want to lose him... So now I just need advice.

EDITED INTO PARAGRAPHS FOR EASIER READING

Post Edited By Moderator (BnotAfraid) : 4/8/2015 7:11:03 AM (GMT-6)

Lynnwood is right, you need to be on medication. The shot you got can cause depression in some people. There is a thread here on it if you put depro vera shot in the search. I read about a lot of women being depressed after the shot. So medication is needed to balance this out. And the fact that you were depressed before.

Try not to get down on him for working nights. Jobs have become hard to find and you don't want him to quit because you are having a hard time dealing with him being gone at night.

I also agree that it isn't healthy to focus everything on him. You have to live your life for you and meet in the middle somewhere. It takes two most of the time. A joint effort.

And yes, we all need friends.

Depression really stinks. Most of us here are medicated. It just seems to take that now to get by. I will probably be on medication the rest of my life. Whether I like it or not.

Coping skills help too. Mindfulness plays a huge roll in how you feel.

Check out the first thread called "resources". There is a lot of information there.

Do take your depression seriously. It is an illness just like others, you just can't see it. It is serious.

I hope that you feel better soon. Do be proactive about your mental health.

Have a good day...

Hugs, Karen...

Me think depo bad . No no says I. See doctor yes. Live to defeat darth depo shot. Good.

Listen to Yoda.

I'm glad you posted hayden, your description of yourself reminds me of how I am and those are things about me that I don't like (I had a great guy once and lost him due to the same type of mood/personality you described yourself as having) it does ruin great relationships, I was quite young when I was in that great relationship (18-19 yrs old) but I just figured it was PMS because I mostly became that way during that time of the month...then I finally realized I tend to act/feel the PMS way more often than not.

Glad you're in the process of getting back on your meds and I hope it all works out for you...wish I had known I had actual problems way back when I was younger and got the right kind of help for it, instead I tangled myself up into a very unhealthy and unhappy relationship that I'm still in...going to start therapy this Friday because I finally reached the end of my rope with life.

Welcome to the forum.

You have received great advice already. Staying on medication is important.
Depression is a illness and needs to be respected as one just like any other!

I have posted some links for you on WISEMIND. a skill to help you on all those negative thought patterns. I get them too, I think we all do at one point or other. Working opposite shifts is tough, hubby and I did it for the first 5 yrs of our marriage. Makes us insane!

so look at these and practice them, they help me.

www.mindfulnessmuse.com/dialectical-behavior-therapy/what-is-wise-mind

http://www.mindfulnessmuse.com/dialectical-behavior-therapy/what-is-wise-mind

I hope this help.
Peace
Trina