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Posted 4/13/2015 6:09 AM (GMT 0)
Hai, I'm new to this forum and sorry for my grammar and spelling because english is not my mother language.

So, i just broke up 1,5 months ago. He was literally my world. Before I met him, I was diagnosed with depression and anorexia. I tried to kill myself before.
After I recovered I was having a panic attack cause by my previous ex and bipolar disorder. Almost everyday I spent with laughing and being hyper all day and cried all night. And start *harming*myself.

I stopped *harming* after I met my ex. I fell in love with him and he said he'll stay with me and accept me. But, 2.5 months later he broken up with me, I know it was a short relationship. One of the reasons are me for being too dependent on him and he can't handle me. I know that's true because when I was with him I will panic every time he didn't reply my text for few hours without letting me know why.. and I feel like I need him all the time. I cried all day all night for 2 weeks after the breakup.

4 weeks ago I started 'liking' a guy skull and he told me he likes me but he said that I'm too dependent, so he can't date me because if people around him are happy, he'll feel happy. He thinks I'm not that happy person. I know this probably just rebound from my previous relationship because I feel like I need to be loved.

I was lonely for a long time, I was having a really dark time. I feel like I need someone who can love me.
But I know I have this problem, I need to solve my own mentality before jumping to a new relationship. This is killing me, I still want my ex back.

I just want to be independent and not being emotionally unstable and move on. But I have this 'dependent to people' feeling inside me. What should I do?

Thank you.
smhair

*post edited due to graphic content

Post Edited By Moderator (BnotAfraid) : 4/13/2015 10:09:52 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/13/2015 10:25 AM (GMT 0)
Hello and welcome to the forum. Relationships are hard for 'normal' people too. It's not just us!

I have depression and my partner has o.c.d. She panics if she calls me and doesn't get an answer. In the beginning I would get angry with her. I accused her of trying to be controlling. I didn't understand that she HAS TO call me whenever she thinks about me. I felt like she was checking up on me all of the time. Considering I have days where I don't want to be responsive to others, this was quite a problem for us. I've learned to be honest with her and tell her if I'm having an off day. She tries to limit the number of calls. I miss her call sometimes and always make sure I call her back and at least leave a message, so when she checks her phone, she will see that I called back. It's not easy, for either of us, but we put in the extra effort. If I'm having an energetic day, I make sure I tell her if I'm planning on activity that would make it difficult for me to answer the phone, like if I am taking the curtains down to be washed. Being on a step ladder, I'm not going to jump down just to answer the phone. It's easier for her if she knows I'm busy doing things. Of course, she is fearful that I've fallen off the step stool! She will be very anxious until I call her!

I hope you are still treating your illnesses. Perhaps a support group would be of help. I had to learn to not expect my partner to fill every single need. Getting validation from others has been a huge help to my relationship. My partner has a hard time giving compliments, so I don't expect her to. If I need one, I look to my friends or just look in the mirror and say "Girl, you look darn good for your age!" or "Darn, you're a good cook!"

Keep coming and posting. We are here to listen, somehow, it helps.
Posted 4/13/2015 11:35 AM (GMT 0)
Lettheforcebewithyou, welcome to the forum!

It sounds to me like you need to be focusing on you and not on a relationship. You need some medical intervention to help with your depression. Have you spoken to dr about your feelings and actions? If not, then you need to. I'd recommend getting set up with a therapist/psychiatrist/psychologist. You have to decide that the depression isn't going to rule your life. That means that your focus needs to be on you and your well being.

When someone gets to that deep a depression they don't typically make good partners. Depression makes us think and see only the bad. That's hard for someone to live with. You have to learn how to make yourself happy before you can let someone else into your life. Until you are at a good healthy spot you can always look into a pet. They will love you and you being depressed is never going to make them see you as needy. Its also been proven that pets can help lower depression levels. A support group is another excellent option. It van be very beneficial to know that there are lots of people out there that are going through the same thing.

Love will be there but you need to be healthy enough to understand that you deserve love. Depression takes that self awareness away and can cause undesirable traits to impact your relationship and it can make you settle for someone who is not worthy of you.
Posted 4/13/2015 4:14 PM (GMT 0)
welcome to the forum.

To me, I think you need to work on SELF COMPASSION. There is a book, entitled. THE MINDFUL PATH TO SELF-COMPASSION. Has exercises, meditations, lessons etc.. very good book for reference and learning.

Loving yourself is first and foremost in learning how to become independent.

Therapy can help with your self-harm, we can not talk about that on the forum. However if you need to, my email is on my profile and I would be glad to be there for you if you need to talk prior to your next action.

Coping skills are key in staying safe. I hold Ice to stop urges.

Keep posting here, we listen and support the best we can.
I wish you peace and strength
Trina
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