Posted 4/20/2015 9:00 PM (GMT 0)
Oh how my heart breaks for you :( Relationships can be sooooo hard especially when someone or both are having self issues of any kind...so he's not mentally there, that's what he's telling you, could be true could be not, only he knows but if he's saying it's time to break it off then it should be broken off, if he's saying it cuz it's a head-game that he maybe plays (just speculating on the little info you've given) then it's still time to break it off, if you're the head-game player due to your jealously (you might not be aware you're doing it and same goes for him if he's a head-game player) then it's time to break it off.
Here's a little about me that I share in common with you...I ended up marrying my first love from 33 years ago we were young teens, him 14 and me 15, we pretty much went steady all through school, he played a lot of head-games because he has issues that I obviously wasn't aware of during my tender teenager years...he was a cheater, a liar, and accused me of things that he was guilty of doing to me, not things that I did to him and we've lived this way for decades now, yup, I did end it with him just before I turned 18, met another guy that was great but he wasn't the first guy I fell in love with and I some how convinced myself probably sub-consciously, that I wanted to really be with my first boyfriend even though I hated how he treated me and was glad it was over for good (or so I thought) he tried turning me into a jealous person which by nature I'm not. Well sadly I ruined the great relationship with the new great guy cuz of damage that I allowed to happen to me by my now husband. Hubby and I were not a good match, he had/still has too many emotional issues that are destructive to himself and others close to him...but here we are...
I ended up getting sick shortly after we married and had our first child, hubby wasn't supportive like he should have been, instead he focused on how my illness would impact his life (he's self-absorbed among many other issues) but I'm obviously some kind of big idiot to have not gotten myself out of a bad to begin with relationship for so many reasons that I won't get into right now because it's a long story.
Bottom line, when I was with the new great guy, I didn't give my now husband much thought but I still felt he took up space in my heart (for obvious reasons) I have to now continue living with my poor choices, as glad as I am that the great guy moved on and dodged a bullet by not being with me (my health issues would have likely happened regardless of who I was with but choosing the wrong guy made my health a lot worse than it had to be) so I'm at least grateful that the great guy didn't get stuck with me cuz I would have felt guilty about that and who knows if it would have worked out in the long run between us anyway...point to all this is, we just don't know for sure what might happen BUT, if you FEEL that it's not a good relationship to be in and he's telling you it's time to call it quits then you need to listen to your gut and to what he's telling you and let it go once and for all...time can heal wounds, but not if the wounds continue to keep happening like in my case, instead what will likely happen (as it has for me) is that you will regret even being born and every decision you made and beat yourself up because you went against your gut instinct....
So what does your gut instinct tell you? Cuz hey I could be way off (based on info you've provided) but you can at least see how I screwed up my entire life by not following my gut instinct...that's why we have them because no one else will lead us onto the right path but ourselves so if you're looking for someone else to do that for you then I'm sorry but your SOL in that department.
And if by chance you're not good for him (again I don't know, only trying to cover basis based on what you've shared) then stop and think about what you're doing not just to another person but to yourself....truly happy ending for first loves that battle through life don't often happen, it's usually genuinely happy endings that happen for a couple that are well matched and fairly okay in the head not having major mental or emotional issues that burden themselves and their partners in life...guess that's why the divorce rate is so high across north america.
If either or both of you need help with some emotional issues, I strongly urge you to do that now...I waited too long, just started therapy myself, only been once so far and of course haven't gotten anything out of it yet cuz it's too soon but I'm hopeful that therapy can help me get over my severe anger at myself and towards others and life in general because I'm a mess like you wouldn't believe but yet I still know what the issues are I just don't know how to fix them on my own so I'm finally seeking help at the age of 47 and that's depressing...I promise by the time you're 47 (I'm assuming you're quite a bit younger) you will hate life if you don't fix things now that need to be fixed with yourself cuz you cannot fix other people, only yourself if you're lucky.