I'm never going to be the adult I want to be

What about going to college or school? You are still very young, and you can always learn... I think that would be a good way to get a profession that you would like to have. Think about it.

You really need to learn to think positive. Your thread title,, for instance,
"I'm never going to be the adult I want to be". You have to change that negative thinking. "I hope to be the adult that I have always wanted to be". "I am going to be the adult I always wanted to be". With the negative thinking, the horse has lost before he came out of the gate. Learn to think positive.

Do try a different therapist. Maybe the one you had didn't go about things the right way. There are many others out there. They can give you direction in life.

Try not to control things. This is hard. We want to have control with everything around us. All that does is cause anxiety. Trust your husband to do the right things with a new house. And if it doesn't work out, well, then you deal with that when the time comes. Stop borrowing trouble, there is plenty of that to be found in life.

It isn't as bad as it seems. Keep the stress down. That only aggravates your stomach issues. You need to be calm, think calm and feel calm. You don't want to flare up. So try to go with the flow of life, try not to worry. Things will get better and I don't think that they are as bad as they seem, but when we are in the midst of it, we can't see and end to the tunnel. Try to step back and observe.

I hope you feel better soon. Keep hanging in there. Life is scary sometimes, but we get through it.

Hugs, Karen...

I'm just so tired of picking myself up. It's this never-ending cycle of having to get up and dust myself off and all I want to do is rest. I don't adjust well to change or failure. I know I should not worry so much but I can't help it. My entire life has been nothing but disappointment, pain, failure and uncertainty. Whenever things start to look up it's like the universe is just there waiting to knock me down again. I don't want to do this to myself it's just that it's been this way for so long now that I don't know what else to think or do. I hate being this way, I really do... but I don't think it's ever going to completely go away, even if I'm proactive about it, and that scares me. I want to be an independent person with a good attitude.

What do I do? I get my butt to the doctor and get HELP! I went back on anti depressants recently after being off of them for about 7 years. "Pain is inevitable. Misery is optional."

Each time I was left 'on my own' I maintained a home just fine. Whenever I moved in with someone, I was in a precarious state! Well, I'm back on my own and have had this place for 14 years now! It's a 'mobile home' or, if you prefer the latest description, 'manufactured housing'. I own the home but rent the space in the 'community'. It's very affordable as the lot rent here covers property taxes, water, sewer, trash removal and recycling removal, and snow removal. I paid it off in only one year! Of course, I pay my own heat and electric, tv, internet and phone. I don't know where you live, but if you have this type of housing available, you might want to check it out.

Life is full of ups and downs for everyone. No one is excluded. Don't compare your insides with someone else's outsides. Just because others seem to handle life better than some of us, doesn't mean they really do! There's no way to know what may be in their medicine cabinet or where they go every Tuesday at 3 p.m.! This site is one of my weapons in my arsenal to get through each day, one day at a time!

Whoa. Hold the bat-phone. You mean that we are supposed to be something in particular when we grow up? Why? IS there a test? Will someone come around and check? How?

Sweetie, you are so busy putting yourself down that no one else need apply.

A good and kind book is Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. I am not one for self-help books--they make me itch. But this one made me sob in the introduction, and throughout, off and on. Deficient, failure, wrong, not good enough.... all these run through the head of most of us. Unworthy. Such meanness! Such negativity!! Such discontent with self. I wouldn't treat anyone else this way. Aren't we worthy of a little kindness and acceptance?

We are.

The only person who can change this point of view of yourself is your self. A little movement towards feeling better about yourself will get the pendulum swinging the other way. You CAN feel better. It is not inevitable and you do have control over the outcome.

Thank you everyone. I hope in time this will pass.

WingZero,

It will, all you have to do is stay focused on your goal for yourself..you should expect to have bad days, everyone does even people that aren't depressed or have anxiety have bad days too, it's all about your perception and how you handle those days and everyday...it's not easy, but nothing usually is, life is about fighting everyday one way or another because this is a tough world we live in so perspective is everything and I'm sure with each passing day that you focus on your perception it will hopefully get easier as days go on...we never really know what's around the corner, whether it's great things or set backs but it's all in how you handle the set backs that will make a big difference.

Hang in there, it's tough to get started but like I said, for me it was a decision that had to come from within, I'm tired of the way things are but my way of looking at things now does make those things easier to deal with somewhat and at least that's a start...I'm more scared of continuing to feel the way I have been or feeling even worse which is what I think was starting to happen and I'd rather give the little happy inside me a chance to start growing rather than letting the miserable, fed up with life rule each day for me because those are very very long days that feel never-ending and I'm tired of those days and those feelings so I decided enough is enough....I don't know how long it will last but I suppose that's up to me too, maybe I have more control over myself than what I realized and one thing for sure, I'd rather control myself than let others actions (the losers in my life) control me.

I had to stop measuring my life by other people's measuring stick. I don't have to compare myself to anyone else as far as whether I should consider myself a success.

My house will never be as big as any of my siblings, but it's paid in full, while they still have mortgage payments.

I will most likely never have a brand new car, but mine is paid for, no car payments to make and I pay less in insurance for it!

My children may not have gone to college, but they both work and are respectful to others.

My grandson may not be on the honor roll at school or be a sports star, but he takes the trash and recycling out regularly! He gives me hugs and tells me he loves me EVERY DAY!

My life is much better since I stopped trying to fit in someone else's mold. I may not have had such a great beginning but I plan on having a FANTASTIC ENDING!!!!!!!!!!!

By my measuring stick Pitmom is a success. You can't ask for better in my book.
I was bullied a lot in school so long ago but it taught me I hope it can do for others ; is that I will never " measure up" so I don't try. It's exsausting. I don't have time or energy to " keep up with the Jones' " I find this even in my in laws, they don't do it blatantly yet I see it. " you don't have what we have"
However my Chevy oil change is cheaper than your BMW. My children won't have a " hand me down " Benz , but another Chevy. I'm good with that. My kids won't go to privet college and they may not have a GPA that gets them the full ride. But I will work hard to send them to state college.
My children know compassion and kindness. They don't laugh and post nasty things about family members on Twitter and Instagram. They have respect. And integrity. They study hard and know that they got there from hard work ( mine or theirs ) it wasn't handed to them.
Remember there are things you have that you worked for even if it is just an old Chevy , it's YOURS.
I have adult children who struggle every month just to pay their rent and have something left over for food. But they have jobs, they work hard and nothing they have was ever given to them. I have nothing to give but love and they love and struggle and keep going through the worst. This makes me happy. They take nothing they didn't work for , the little they have they did on their own. Sometimes I feel like a failure that I can't give them more however I know that if my eyes close tomorrow they have what they need to get by.
Peace to all , we deserve it. Happy Mother's Day all. We worked for it, amen.

Coming to this board is like being chided for talking about your symptoms on a health site. Imagine if people having a Crohn's flare-up were basically given a telling off for talking openly about their symptoms on the Crohn's board and you had to learn how to talk about your toilet trips in coded language or, worse still, frame them positively.

Speaking of which... If you want to talk about anything to do with Crohn's, you're welcome to the Crohn's board, topic creator. That includes the fear of the disease returning, a fear which I think most people in remission have.

I do not think you need to worry about slipping into schizophrenia. Your thinking is lucid and you obviously have insight. I've spent many years fearing going mad and I'm still here and still sane - I hope.

I can also relate to constantly being knocked down. All I want is peace and it's the last thing on earth I seem to get. When I solve that one, I'll get back to you. I think it's something that a lot of people feel, though: it isn't just you. My suggestion would be to get in touch with your friends. Make a definite date for seeing them. It's one way of keeping in touch with the real world and if they're good friends, you should feel better for keeping in touch. (If they make you feel worse, that's probably a sign to get rid.)

And finally, it is absolutely worth seeking another therapist. To be honest, in my (limited) experience, the mental health field seems to attract a lot of practitioners who seem like they could benefit from a good long course of therapy themselves. A good one is absolutely worth it, though. Nobody is perfect, but you will know from the first or second session if you 'click' with somebody or not. If you're paying, then it's your right to try as many therapists as you like: it's expensive enough.

A final finally: I think you will feel better once you've moved out. Moving home ranks number one in the top ten list of life's most stressful events: it even beats bereavement and divorce. So it's not remotely weird that this is getting to you: you just have to have faith it'll be over at some point (even when it feels like it's never going to end).

Best of luck, WingZero. You'll get through it.