Back Again - Downward Spiral

I have got to shake this off some way. The last time I got like this I ended up with 6th nerve palsy. Blurry, double vision. Could barely see at all. My sister said my eyes looked like they were rolling. I was down for 6 months.

I wonder why these breakups affect me like this.

These break ups affect you this way because you put your heart and soul into every relationship. In my opinion, that is exactly what we should do.

Try to use these things that you have to do as a distraction... To take your mind off of things. See if it helps. We have a resource thread at the top of the page, there are some crisis numbers if you need.

Know that things will get better for you. Keep hanging on. Keep moving forward. A little bit at a time. Baby steps. Each day is going to start getting easier for you. Have faith and try to think positive.

Hugs, Karen...

My psych Dr's office called and said take propranolol. I Did And I Felt better. Was able to go get gifts. Even ate 2 times. She said I can take it up to 3 times a day.

When it rains it pours. Can you believe I am going through this and the ex that sent me into my first but with this terrible depression sent a text saying hello and asking how I'm doing. That was yesterday.

Today the new ex texts to ask how I'm doing. I say sad. Wake up and go to sleep with tears in my eyes. She said my crying makes her angry. Said she thought I was stronger than this.

Of course that made me feel bad, but there is a little bit of mad in there with it. I'm trying to grasp that mad and maybe I can move on faster. First of all I don't want to be like this. If I could just stop I would. Second what gives her the right to downplay my emotions.

I want to tell her it's the PTSD, major depressive disorder ,anxiety and whatever other label my Dr has put in her chart. She knows about it because I told her it happened when my last ex broke up with me. I didn't mention it though. She never liked all of the medications I was taking although she did understand the PTSD. Well, on the other hand maybe she didn't.

So my day has not started on the right foot and I have to go to the family gathering. My psych called last night. She said I could lay down somewhere and pass it off as relaxing for the surgery I am having on June 30. Hopefully the propranolol will do its thing and my mood will be good.

So, don't let it be bad or sad.

Why are you continuing to answer messages from your exes? It clearly doesn't resolve anything, and really upsets you. Most of us continue this cycle until we notice that our own actions with regards to our triggers and/or relationships drive the emotional overload. My own relationship is in trouble. We are working to make it better and stronger by seeing how each of us miscommunicate issues. The root of these communications were harmful to the relationship.

You are responsible for your own feelings. Another person may be a trigger,but they are not responsible for your reaction to them.

I don't think you are blaming EX ,so it's not that. I could be wrong. But you are continuing to let them dictate your emotional life, and push you further down.

Today I am going to take a bike ride, in a few minutes, actually. Then I am going to do some job applications. Then, clean the kitchen. I am not going to let the recent past of disappointments impact my now.

Best of days to you.

So I'm not crying uncontrollably any more. Not even too teary. Just on occasion. But, don't feel motivated to get out of bed not even to eat. I have thoughts of getting up but don't. Don't even turn on the tv. Tried to watch a movie yesterday. Just can't stay focused.

Looked at a workbook online at Barnes and noble. Mcbt for depression. Thought I would go check it out. Barely want to get up to use the bathroom.

Good grief

LOLOL. That piece about the shower. Well I did get that in. Used orange ginger from bath and body works. Love the fresh clean smell. One of my friends is going to take me to the movies. Don't feel like getting the clothes ready but I will. Maybe I will take another propranolol. I'm also going to read the side effects. While it keeps me from crying maybe it is making me unmotivated.

Thanks for the input.

Feeling really sad and tearful today. Have a skype appointment with therapist on the 6th because of my surgery and a phone appointment on one of those days with the psych dr.

I think I should take the advice given here and not talk to her for a while. But I miss and want her so badly. It's very difficult so I answer when she calls. Don't want to let go.

In my therapy we discussed power. I am supposed to write my thoughts about having or giving up power. I know she has all the power now. When she called at 12 something am. She would be upset if I called around 9 because I know she goes to sleep early. Well when we were talking she kept saying she was smarter than me. I was trying to get her to tell me what the problems in our relationship were. She also said a few times that I wasn't as smart as a fifth grader.

As I was thinking about it today, I decided that she is being cruel. Everything on her terms. Doing what is good for her, not really caring about me. And because I am the one that wants the relationship I am weak. I have given her all of the control. I am going to try my best to break away for a while. Until I am stronger and can accept that we are not going to be together.

I wish break ups didn't affect me like this. Maybe I should stay away from them, but really enjoy having a significant other. Or develop the ability to just walk away from a relationship like nothing ever mattered. I don't like this soft, squishy, hurt way but don't know how to get out of it.

Hovering around at the bottom of this spiral. Really starting to feel bad. Will be staying at parents house after surgery next week. How am I going to be able to hide these emotions from them.

Thanks for listening. Sorry for the ramble.

I feel so alone. Ours was a long distance relationship, but I really feel lonely today. We haven't communicated in 2 days. I want to call badly. Not going to do it though. Didn't take the propranolol today, maybe I should. Have to wait another week before I speak to the therapist. I just wish these thoughts would stay out of my head. Trying my strategies. Not doing too well with them though.

I just read your story stillme. I know it is hard but with someone treating you like that, you deserve better. Everyone deserves better than that. Your loved ones should support you and build you up. Not tear you down. Focus on your son. Do his packets and take him to the park and watch him play.

I hope you can find a way to dial things back. I have anxiety that leads to depression. I have been struggling with depression and mood the past few days due to some health issues of my own. It is difficult to fight through sometimes but things will get better.

Keep your head up.

Thank you. I sure hope so. I feel so bad. Been crying all morning. Waiting for my turn, wish they would hurry, don't want to be out here crying.

Trying the deep breathing. Reading posts. My mind is racing.