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When does grief turn into depression?

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Depression
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Posted 11/19/2015 3:59 PM (GMT 0)
After several years of caring for my father, months watching his decline & finally caring for him 24/7 at home during the last weeks, days, & hours of life, he passed away in September. I was numb at first, angry, sad, pretty much every emotion was in my head. The week after he died I had to put my mom into a memory care facility due to her dementia. Literally every 5 minutes I had to keep telling her that my dad, her husband of over 60 years, had died because she would forget. I was in a rollercoaster of emotions without a seatbelt. I went back to work the following week & tried to get back to normal. It wasn't easy; I barely managed. Fast forward to now. It's been about 2 months since he died and I can't think straight or concentrate. My work is suffering, which just makes matters worse. I don't know if my inability to think is grief or depression because it's only been 2 months. Is there a way to tell the difference? I don't know what to do. I tried talking to a counselor but so far no improvement.
Posted 11/19/2015 4:04 PM (GMT 0)
Have you tried any grief counseling? It might help speed up the process. We all grieve in our own ways. And there is no right, wrong or time limit. But talking to somebody could help so that you can preform in every day life. I know it is hard, I have been there. But it wont last forever. And you could have some depression going on due to the situation. Please talk to somebody...

I hope things get better soon. Remember, one day at a time.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 11/19/2015 4:27 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there... I'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your father. You're already making the right steps as you're already seeing a counselor. I agree with gettingby that there may have already been a slight depression there during the situation, then after the loss, the grief just compounds on top. Are you feeling isolated and disconnected from people? During a depressive episode, people usually shun others while when grieving you're looking for that extra support. I would say that is the biggest thing I noticed when I was in my grieving period (not that I still don't). My mother passed away in 2014 after a trying, long battle with cancer. My thoughts are with you!
Posted 11/19/2015 7:53 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, depression can accompany grief. Conceling is a great idea.

A grief support group would be very helpful too. Other people going through the same thing is validating and strengthing.

Peace
Trina
Posted 11/19/2015 8:17 PM (GMT 0)
First, I am sorry for your loss and to hear of your mother's difficulties. You've had quite a lot on your plate!

When my mom passed away, 6 years after my dad, I fell apart. I was 'suddenly' an adult orphan. A matriarch long before I considered myself ready to be one! Not only that, but since my children and I lived with her and the house was to be sold, I was loosing my only anchor!

I fell into such a deep depression! I could barely get off of the couch! I had asked a friend to stay with me. She was bi polar. One day, she looked at me and said, "You're scaring me!" Here was someone quite familiar with what 'depression' could look like. At her urging, I made an appointment with my family doctor and told him what had been going on. (My mom was also a patient at the group practice, so they totally knew!) I was put on Paxil for a few months. I was able to function, no longer a 'prisoner' of the couch! I thank God every day for my friend's honesty and willingness to put her 2 cents in!

When in doubt, check it out! Go see your doctor. That's my suggestion.
Posted 11/20/2015 12:28 AM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry to hear about you father's death. It's difficult to lose someone we love, but I'm pretty sure he is in a better place now. To grieve is a normal response to bereavement, once we lose someone close to us, we mourn and feel lonely. However it sill turn to depression if we fail to accept its reality and fail to move on. If we can stuck on the sadness and forget about living.

You should try some therapy, some counselors offer programs on bereavement coping techniques. Talk with your other relatives and ask help for your mother. I can't even imagine how hard it is on her to every day be heart broken. Ask your relatives to help you, you shouldn't burden yourself everyday.

Regarding your work, you should ask for a vacation leave if you really think that your condition is affecting your functionality. Sometimes all a person needs is a break. I'm sure it would be okay if you have a vacation. It would be good for you if your mind get off other things and focus on resting.
Posted 11/22/2015 3:30 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks to all who responded. I feel so lost right now it's really hard to tell if the "sad" part of grief is just now kicking in or if it is indeed depression. Counseling isn't really helping much, although I was given a pretty effective coping skill to help snap me out of the times when I literally space out at work & can't get anything done. I wish I could take some time off of work but I used most of my leave taking care of my dad. I'm not sure I'm ready to antidepressants. I've tried a few before & they either take too long to get any benefit or have too many side effects. The management at my work pretty much doesn't care if you're going through a rough patch or not. Just get the work done. I just wish my head would stop changing direction every 5 minutes & I can just move on...
Posted 11/22/2015 5:00 PM (GMT 0)
Learn mindfulness, mindful.org... It is really helpful. It will help you stay focused at work.

Being that the antidepressants take so long to get going, maybe you should talk to somebody about them. Try something you haven't tried before. But the sooner the better, though some of them do start to work sooner. Keep going to counseling. It will help. How often do you go?

Work isn't going to care much. They want productive employees. Some places do, and they let you get your life reorganized, but not all. I really hope you feel better soon. Do check out the mindfulness site. It could help you a lot.

Keep posting as we all really do care.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 11/26/2015 8:28 AM (GMT 0)
many healing thoughts. give the a'ds another go.
Posted 11/29/2015 2:03 PM (GMT 0)
After struggling since I went back to work, I finally told one of my bosses that I was aware that my concentration levels were irratic & tried to explain that I wasn't using my dad's death as an excuse but I was just trying to explain why I had been "off". I stated I would do my best to complete the tasks at hand & was actually quite productive that particular day.
The result was an email rant that was addressed to everyone on the team which pretty much threw me under the bus. Granted, this particular boss has always had poor communication skills & is the type who always has to be right & points fingers at others, even if the real problem is lack of clear communication...however, I don't know how to respond to this. My counselor has told me that she would actually be worried if I just got back to business as usual as opposed to what I'm experiencing now, & to expect to be pretty much all over the place emotionally for awhile. The counselor also said that grief alters brain chemistry which is why I can't get my head together at times.
Considering this, since grief sounds a lot like depression, is an AD really the best route, or will this just run its course? I'm so confused.
Posted 11/29/2015 2:08 PM (GMT 0)
It is hard to say how long you are going to experience the grief. An antidepressant could help you in the meantime. You can stop it when you are feeling better. I think that would be how it would work.

I would work with your therapist on this. See what they recommend. If they think you need medication, then it is worth a try.

Best wishes to feeling better...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 12/9/2015 5:35 PM (GMT 0)
My PC sent in a script for wellbutrin. I'm not familiar with this antidepressant. Any personal feedback would be greatly appreciated. I'm afraid of the side effects.
Posted 12/9/2015 6:51 PM (GMT 0)
I took it for a bit. The only side effects that I know of are weight loss and nervousness. It kind of gives you energy and makes you think clear. I liked it until I was on a high dose it gave me insomnia and made me nervous. So I can only take a lower dose. I hope that it works for you. Keep us posted.

Hugs, Karen...
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