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Depressed by being insecured

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Posted 1/30/2016 3:19 PM (GMT 0)
Good day!

I joined this forum because i have literally no one to talk to. And its driving me crazy.

I have this problem going on since Cliff became my boyfriend. We've been together for 1 year and 5 months. We are still together now. We have a 4 month old son. Currently, Cliff is working abroad and we are communicating thru internet.

He had a 6 year old daughter with his ex-girlfriend, Sam. They broke up 4 years ago and they no longer talk to each other or even friends on facebook.

The thing is his family loves Sam and their grand daughter so much. They constantly talk to each other. Cliff's family ( his mom and sister) is her avid liker on facebook. They are talking behind my back and even gossiping about me. His ex-gf is always making up stories about me to make me look bad in my boyfriend's family's eyes.

One time, Sam texted me. She said awful words. She told me that i am shameless and Cliff's family are right about me and that they dont and never will like me. Even my boyfriend's sister doesnt like me. They like my son but not me. They even told me to give them my son which i did not approve. Sam visits them always and she's very welcome in their home.

I am truly depressed because of this. Its very clear that Cliff's family loves Sam more than me and its obvious that his ex-gf wants to get back with him thru his parents.

I told Cliff about this but he always say that it's me and him that will be living together and not me and his family. He said, if his ex still communicate with his parents and create stories about me, i dont need to worry because he knows me too well to believe them.

Now, he is working abroad and our only means of communication is internet..i am getting obsessed of the idea that he may communicate to his ex or chat with other women. I became possessive and we are always fighting about my behavior. I am just worried that we might break up. I love my son so much and i want to give him a perfect family.

I decided to delete his family on my facebook account.. In that way, i thought, i will never see their posts or any update about them. And will keep them out of my mind.
Posted 1/30/2016 3:34 PM (GMT 0)
I think it is a good idea that you deleted them on face book. YOu don't need to know what they are saying. It is pure jealousy on the ex's part.

Know when people are unkind and act in these ways, that it is their problem, not yours. Just continue taking good care of your son and loving Clliff. He is right when he says it is you and him and not the family.

But do keep in mind, the ex and her child will be a part of his life. But I feel you will probably be able to deal with that.

Think about counseling, to help you get through him being gone, and dealing with the parents. Who knows, maybe if you get to know them, maybe it will work out for your son's sake. Try to keep his best interest at heart.

Welcome to the forum.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 1/31/2016 3:42 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome to the forum.

I agree with Karen on all points.

I also have the feeling you are quite young. Learn from this experience, be responsible for you, use birth control, do not let your BF or anyone convince you otherwise.

I would suggest focusing on you and your boyfriend when you communicate. once and awhile ask how is other child is. Show interest, but to do keep throwing this in his face. REMEMBER, he has NO control over how is family responds or acts toward you.

I have posted a link for you. PLEASE read the 21 points that are listed, some may be very helpful for you.

www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/21-best-tips-making-long-distance-relationship-work.html

You are not alone, we are here for you, keep posting we will listen and support the best we can. However, you must do the work.

Peace and strength
Trina
Posted 2/1/2016 6:07 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Smudge!

I understand what you're going through because I experienced the same problem before. When a person falls in love with someone who is not favored by her family or her partner's family and still would fight to be with that person no matter what happens, it will be "me and you' against the world for them. The difficulty would be twice as hard for long distance relationship because there are so many ways that people would do to destroy your relationship. Trust and love are very important factors for you to win over the challenges. If you are having conflicts because of your possessiveness then, you are just giving his ex and his family the opportunity to poison his mind and slowly change his heart about you.

It would be best for you to trust him and let God do the rest. Because whatever you do when God has other plans for you, you'll not stay together until the end. Good luck!
Posted 2/16/2016 2:21 PM (GMT 0)
Hey guys! thanks for the empowering messages. I truly appreciate them. :)

Cliff and I ended our relationship. I broke up with the person i love the most. We had so many issues. I don't know if i made the right decision but i had no choice.

It hurts like hell. :'( he was the center of my everything. Maybe some good things really come to an end. I never regret loving him. In fact im still in love with him like the first time i saw him. Break ups are never easy. I feel like im slowly dying. I am not mad at him. I can never be. I understand why he wanted to end our relationship. I agree with him that whats going on between us is getting very toxic. My son is the only one who makes me strong. I feel so vulnerable. :'(

Time heals all wounds.. And how i wish i could fast forward the time.

Anyways, thank you all for the inspiring replies.
Posted 2/16/2016 3:13 PM (GMT 0)
Maybe after you both get stronger things could change. But if the relationship is toxic, it needed to end. You don't deserve in any way to be unhappy with how a relationship is going. You will get stronger and time does heal. I am glad you have some good memories. And that you feel no basic unhappiness. No regrets I should say. The past is the past. We make the most of the memories.

I am glad you have your son. Bond, build new memories. You wont regret it. They grow up so fast.

I hope your day gets better.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 2/18/2016 2:43 PM (GMT 0)
Lots of life lessons have been learned here.

You will need to find a common ground with Cliff to raise your son. He at least will need to provide some support.

I can move on with your life, however, you two are tied to each other through the child now. He becomes the priority over your differences.

It will take time, you will over come the hurt and find a way.

Peace and stength
Trina
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