First time feeling this.

Hi... So i stumbled on this website while googling for cipralex which my doctor prescribed me today.
I just felt like saying what i'm feeling right away.

Well, it's hard to explain what's really going on with me right now, but i'll try.
I didn't want to believe i'm depressed but i am feeling it and i needed a break from work so i consulted my doctor. Well, my boss told me to seek for a professional help. I work in ahospital btw. She told me that maybe i am burn out from work & life.
I googled burn out and 90% of the symptoms, i do have it, but i guess i was at the end of t and starting depression.

I dont know how it happened, but i am seeing a psychologist right now and im going on the 3rd appointment this wednesday.

I think i got depressed partly because of work, life(financial) and being with my ex. Im a lesbian, btw. It's not an issue being gay in my family.

I was okay until i met my girlfriend.

She didn't want my friends and wanted me to cut my ties with them except for my bestfriend. I had to stop volleyball because she broke up with me about it. In the beginning of our relationship, she asked me to close my facebook, which i did. I told her that she can't tell me what to do because i want to decide for my own, so i wont lose myself. I'm a person that likes being in control of myself or things that i want to do, but i guess i gave alot of me to her.

She didnt trust me for everything i guess. She was honest about that in the beginning. But it took us 9 months and there was no improvement. I still have the same restrictions which made me to lie so i can go out and breathe a bit. I like to drove so i do that.
I remember her forcing me to move in with her after i think 4 months and i wasnt ready. I find that it's to early, so i kept telling her maybe after a yr. But then for some reason i find myself going home to see her. My reason before was she lives far from home and it takes for me an hour or more when there's traffic to be home to where she lives to where as from where i live which is 15 mins max to work from home.

So last wk i broke up with her. We didnt talk really. We didnt see each other a week before i took my things. I was very confused and didn't know what to think or do. All i know is i want time for myself and when she kept asking me if i have decided i was forced to tell her that i am nt happy. I didn't say im unhappy because of her. I wanted to talk so i can tell her what's bugging me and probably why i am sad, but she didnt want to. I picked up my things and she cried hard before i left. It breaks my heart because i felt like im hurting her and knowing that she does anxiety, fibro and stress from school. It breaks my heart knowing she's going to suffer because of me.

Right now, it's sinking that i really am depressed which makes me even more sad. I am ashamed .

I think it is a good thing you got out of the relationship when you did. She sounds too possessive. Her wants for you are unacceptable.. I am glad you saw that. Don't let anybody tell you to lose friends or leave face book. She wanted to seclude you for the control.

Keep moving forward and take it one day at a time. I am glad you saw the light.

Hugs, Karen...

PS welcome to the forum.

Bianx,

So glad you landed on our soft pillows to have a chat.

Your sexual id may or may not have anything to do with this. Could since society is still crappy about same sex and your partner was out there with some mental issues not being dealt with.

YOU DID A GREAT JOB in ending and staying away from her. Yes delete the face book page, block all the numbers and emails. Do not respond if she contacts you some how.

If she shows up, be firm, kind and say NO. Keep your BOUNDARIES

People have luggage, some people like you and me go to professionals and make efforts to work it out and empty suit cases.

Other people do not. This is not your problem. You can are not responsible for other peoples action or reactions to you.

You are only responsible for how you react to them. asking:

Is this a good step, decision for me?
Will this be safe for me?
Do I feel a red flag with this?

www.mindful.org/?s=controlling+relationships#

I hope this helped
Peace
Trina